What caused you to want to come home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
What caused you to want to come home?
15
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 12:08pm
Hello, everyone,

I am only almost 2 months pregnant, and I'm just wondering about what caused many of you to come home and raise your children. I've been blessed with a really good job. I make a nice salary. Life would be totally different for me if I decided to stay at home and raise my baby and just live off my husband's salary. How rewarding is staying home and raising your child as opposed to sending your baby to day care? Do you enjoy it? Do you regret giving up your careers? Any ideas??

Thanks for your feedback!

Lady J

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 11:13am
I just wanted to add that I didn't emphisis enough how hard the adjustment was to being home full time. I had been in the work force a long time and ALL of my friends worked. None of them could understand how I could WANT to be home all day. IT WAS VERY HARD.

If you decide to stay home make sure you get involved in a playgroup or mommy & me...anything that gets you out of the house meeting other moms THAT STAY HOME TOO! You do need the support of your dh but having friends that support is equally important IMHO.

I do have friends that work, I'm not against working moms. It's just not the right thing for me & my family.

Sam (SAHM of 3)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 1:56pm
Thanks, ladies, for your responses! I'm really enjoying reading them. And anyone else who wants to add their experiences, please do. I'm finding this very interesting. My mom stayed at home with me. But it seems like SO many mothers work now! I have friends who are SAHMs and friends who work & have children. And from looking outside in, it seems like working moms have more "material" stuff. And I've been looking at if I stay-at-home, I won't be able to do a lot of things that I do now. My husband is working and in school. So, it'll be a lot on him if I quit. Since I don't have a baby yet, I don't know what my response is going to be once I have my baby. I think that was good what someone said it's not about how much you have but how you spend it. I'm used to have a nice amount of money. Now, since I'm pregnant, I'm hoping to pay off my bills so that I won't have a lot of debt. So, it'll be easier on my husband if I decide to quit. My mom is very supportive of me coming home. She helps me out now with a lot of stuff. So, I know she will be helpful when my baby comes. DH and I talked about it and we decided that I need to work or we won't be able to do a lot of things that we do now: like extra money for trips & eating out, buying a new outfit when we desire, etc. So, what we thought was confirmed with what others were saying. But my thing was: How can we make it with more expenses with a baby and less money? I guess this is where faith will have to step in. My mom told me the less money you make the more you get such as WIC and stuff like that. So, that is something to consider. But it's just a thought now. If I do come home, it's going to take prayer to make sure that I'm making the right decision. The best part that I like about my job right now is the salary. But there are good things about coming home as was mentioned I get to spend time with my baby and train him/her also I think I'll be less stressed out since I work VERY FAR from my house so I deal with traffic almost everyday plus work then come home and deal with traffic so that would cut out stress so that I can deal more with my DH and my baby. Also, I'll probably have to show my DH how this will be possible. He is going to school to get a different career so that he can make more money for the family. But we may be able to live off of his salary for a while...I don't know. Thanks, ladies, for listening and for offering advice and support.

Lady J

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 2:26pm

Welcome to the board!


I was very busy yesterday so I did not see your post till now but wanted to respond.


I really loved being a preschool Teacher but decided after ods to quite and stay home. When my yds was 4 months old I went back to work, until he was 1 1/2. I could not help but notice the difference between my two sons. I had a great job that even allowed me to breastfeed twice a day and keep my baby with me two hours a day during the childrens rest time.


It was the perfect situation until I started noticing little things about yds. He was very whiny at home and always wanted my constant attention when we walked in the door. He acted very anxious and seemed to always think I was going somewhere. He was very impatient and very clingy.


I observed him one day in his preschool classroom, and saw he was very happy in there and seemed very well adjusted. But homelife was become more and more strained.


With my oldest, he was very secure in the knowedge that his mommy could and would pick him up at any time of the day. There was no confusing moments of waking up somewhere that was not his home and that momentary thought of "where am I".


I truly beleive that the problems I have with my 2 1/2 year old come from his early life in daycare. Now don't get me wrong, the women who had him were wonderful. It was a very small class of 6 kids and TWO workers. But they were not his mommy.


As a preschool Teacher it would break my heart to hear the children in my class asking for their parents. Even with the older children, no matter how nice I was or how busy I kept them, there were the constant..."When is mommy picking me up"? When am I going home"?/


I really beleive I made the best decision for my family. It is just my honest opinon that If at all possible at least one parent wether it is dad or mom should have the most contact with children instead of someone else.


Beacause of these beleifs even though I have a daycare liscense I will not care for children full time in my home. I do teach preschool out of my home now during the school year from 9:00 to 12:30. I do not want to ever again see a child who is crying because Mom and dad are away for so long.


But I also see kids who has mommy or daddy work part time and they seem to take it rather well.


As for income, my husband is a supevisor with a factory job. We are a middle class family and seem to do just fine. We run our household as if it is a small business. We keep budjets and monitor where all the money goes. We try to pay for things only with cash, and save up for big items. We are fortunate though that he receives quarterly bonuses which really help with our savings account. I clip coupons and look at all of the grocery adds and always make a list before shopping.


We will be adding more kids to our family due to a family situation so we are preparing to buckle down even more. We are determined though to keep things as they are for our family's sake.


As for my yds, we notice a big difference in him now. Now that he is secure that I am not going anywhere he is getting better at home. We still have hard moments with him, but we adore him and love him and will do what it takes to help him feel secure again.

Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 07-09-2004 - 2:51pm
Prior to getting married, I was a single mom for 8 years so I had no other choice but to work. BUT, I will say it was the worst thing and I wish I could undo having to work when my kids were small. I went to work when ODD was 2 wks. - I remember very little of her firsts, I was not able to be there. #2 child I stayed home until he was 3 months, but still missed a lot. I've been home for 4 years now, and wouldn't change it for the world. The guilt and pain of having to leave your child in the care of someone else is too much, and I would never willingly want to return to the strain and headaches of the workforce again (I had been in administration, blech).

Good luck in your decision!!!

Carson - sahm of six

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Sat, 07-10-2004 - 12:33am

I would have to say what made up our minds was after we figured just how much money I would be bringing home if I had stayed working and having daycare. We have three kids so my job would have only been to cover daycare for my three. So why not just stay home and care of them myself and raise them instead of letting someone else do it for me and pay them.



That was one of our reasons why and another was I wanted to be a stay at home mom and I love being here, alot less stress then trying to keep up with working, housework, being a wife and mommy...

Heather


SAHM to Brittany, Desiree' and Samuel


Heathers ReSale Shop
http://stores.ebay.com/Heathers-Resale_W0QQsspagenameZl2QQtZkm


Heather

SAHM to

Pages