What do you find most frustrating??
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What do you find most frustrating??
| Thu, 05-18-2006 - 8:07am |
Yesterday I had the longest day ever DH didn't get home until almost 8:30! I was worn out and dropped like the dead after I got them all to bed. And this morning I was thinking about how frustrating it is to me to "single" mom it at times.( Been there done that!)


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Edited.
Oh my gosh Sofia your words are my words!! Mindreader.
In fact, right this very moment I'm sifting through my feelings of guilt vs. anger and my validation in being angry and lack of validation bringing guilt. Ugh, it's so frustrating, I want to be a brat and complain that I'm sick of him working himself tired constantly, tired of him never being home and being asleep where he stands when he is home, tired of 12 hour days, tired of being a married single mother! But then I feel awful for being so bratty, because he's a wonderful husband and father, he works his butt off so that he can provide for us, and he's tired too. It's like, do I speak up and add burden to him, because it's not like he is being told to go home at 5 and he's saying No, I wanna stay here, screw going home!, or do I bite my tongue, suck it up, and make sure that home stays the place he wants to be even though he can't be?...
Edited 5/18/2006 1:36 pm ET by dansfoxywife
I hear you about fighting about who gets on the bus first, I thought that is was hust my kids. My yungest ds only goes 3 days, so I have to remember who went first. Ofcourse my older ds ALWAYS says that it is his turn. (he is 8 going on 28 I think) I don't know if this helps you, but at least you know that you are not alone. I do the yelling thing too but it doesn't help, havne't tried leaving them to walk the driveway alone- I worry about someone just driving by and picking them up being out in "no mans land" here and all the weird o's out there.
Tammy
Add me to the list of frustrated wives!!
My complaint is the same as most here.
I'm right there with you!! I'm especially down on my DH's job tonight, because he is at work all night and I'm here alone with sick kids. I know he "brings home the bacon" and works hard, and helps so much while he's home (and awake) and is a wonderful husband and father and I feel so guilty complaining, but I do it anyway.
When he left for work tonight, in fact, I told him "Well, have fun and think of me cleaning up puke and doing laundry at 3 AM." He told me to call him anytime during the night to vent & talk, but it didn't make me feel better at the time. Then after he left (and he was so sweet and put the kids to bed first, and cleaned up Jenna's puke), I thought to myself: "I'm complaining to HIM about cleaning up from MY OWN kids at 3 AM?? He's probably going to be dealing with way worse and nastier stuff tonight than I will, and with total strangers, at that!!" But yet he's man enough not to point that out to me, or rub it in my face. He just tells me to call him anytime and vent instead. So that makes me feel *extra* guilty for being such a whiner! :(
So I can relate to your guilty feelings, too. . . But really, if we don't complain to our husbands, and we keep it all in, doesn't it just build up and cause resentment? I think it's healthier to vent and let them know what we're going through. I'm fortunate in the fact that Michael is sympathetic to me. But sympathetic or not, that doesn't change the fact that he's gone all night tonight & will be DEAD when he walks in the door tomorrow and have to sleep half the day, so I'm basically going it alone with puking poopy feverish kids for hours and hours and hours and hours. I guess I wouldn't care if the kids weren't sick.
Hugs to all you "single" married moms. I know the feeling!!
Sofia
Oh my gosh, I probably would have called him, and then instead of venting told him thank you for allowing me to vent on him loving me enough not to throw back in my face how selfish I sound and how much worse he's having to deal with. That's why I almost never speak up, because I'd have the same thoughts afterwords that you had, and then I'd be feeling awful, more awful than I feel keeping it in. I think I don't get resentful because I'm not bottling in something I know he could change. I'm not keeping to myself some hobby of his, I'm keeping to myself selfish thoughts of brattyness. I really try to pick my battles, and I don't see how I can "win" this one because there is no win. He can't quit, or leave early, or lower his job performance. All it does is make him feel as though he's a dissapointment to me, and only loss comes following those feelings.
Dan asked me the last night, if I'm mad why don't I just tell him. I told him because I'm just being a brat. He asked what I meant by that and I said I thought about it, and if I called Dr. Laura about this she'd tell me I was being a brat, so I'm not going to open my mouth and be a brat, changing the way he sees me, but it doesn't mean I still don't have the feelings of brattyness so I have to work through them and past them. And that the anger is turned inward, I'm mad at myself for being mad at him, which just sounds even more bratty like "it's your fault, you made me mad but it's selfish of me so the anger makes me mad at myself and blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!".
You're a better woman than me, because I always let Michael know what's on my mind. It rarely leads to a fight, because he will move mountains before he will fight with me (another frustration, and a story for another post, LOL!).
But at the same time, I don't *blame* him either. I know how hard he works, and his schedule is not his fault. And I reap the benefits of his hard work by being able to stay home with my kids and live in a beautiful house and nice neighborhood and good community and have nice things. And I also let him know how much I love him and appreciate him all the time, and how much I know how hard he works and how stressful his job is for him, and that I'm always here for him to vent to also. And he *does* vent about work, and I listen and counsel him, and hug him and give him backrubs, etc etc etc ;) So it goes both ways. He vents about his work, and I'm just venting about *my* work.
I guess the bottom line is I just hate to be alone with the kids. . . Isn't that terrible to admit?? Now I feel really guilty admitting that!
Sofia
Lol, aw Sofia, it's not terrible! Maybe adding to this list of frustrating things is the feelings of terribleness for feeling terrible about wanting someone else there helping with our children!
It's a nice way to look at it, you are lovingly there when he vents about his job and he's there the same when you vent about yours.
Edited 5/19/2006 6:08 pm ET by dansfoxywife
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