What is the hardest thing about being a SAHM?

Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
What is the hardest thing about being a SAHM?
6
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 8:38am

I'm new to being a SAHM since my son is only 3 1/2 months. I find the hardest thing about staying home is lack of adult interaction. I fortunate enough that DH work schedule is flexible right now (at least until summer when he switches his schedule), so when DS was 2 1/2 months, we worked out a sleep schedule, so we both get 8 hours. I sleep from 10-6 and he sleep from 2-10. We just started putting our son to sleep by 8pm and he sleeps until 2am, so DH takes that shift and then gs oes to bed. I have him the rest of the day. Luckily, I am able to go to then gym, relax, or catch up on household chores while DS sleeps for a couple of hours during his afternoon nap.

DH and I haven't had a date night since he was born (our choice). It's hard for us to let other people watch him even though we live in a two-family house with the in-laws and DH is an only child, so our son is their only grandchild and I know they really want to watch him.I'm sure by the time we have one or two more, I'll be begging MIL to help! what

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 11:13pm

First of all it is not unreasonable for you to be annoyed about the things your MIL does or says. If my MIL or even my own mother refered to my kids as their own, or tried to give me unwanted parenting advice, I would lose my shit lol. But yes eventually it will be important for you and DH to let them watch the little one so you guys can be husband and wife again and not just mommy and daddy. Not having adult interraction is hard, and honestly even having other moms to talk at play dates isn't enough. I wish I could give advice, but I'm still trying to figure it out after 4 years lol.

Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Wed, 04-10-2013 - 11:23am

Thanks for your reply.

I was thinking about joining one of those local mom clubs, but it's really involved and goes beyond just the weekly playdate. When my son is a little older at least I'll be able to get out with him easier and enjoy certain activities with him like parks, museums, the zoo, etc.

 

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Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Fri, 04-12-2013 - 3:10pm

It looks like I can only see half your post, so I'm sorry if I don't reply to something.

The hardest part for me is sucking at it right now.  I'm having hip problems and I have severe depression, so even though I choose to be a SAHM, right now I can't work even if I wanted to, and we have to have someone else help me look after the kids.  Feeling useless is really hard.

I think it's totally normal to not want to leave your son with someone else yet.  He's still a teeny baby, and he's your teeny baby.  DH and I didn't leave our DS1 with anyone until he was a year old!  Your sleep schedule sounds amazing, though.

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Wed, 04-17-2013 - 6:21pm

Great question!!  I would love to answer!

My answer is almost the same as yours:  lacking adult interaction.  I have lots of people I can call or chat with online, but not many women or friends here where I live to go hang out with on a Friday or Sat. night.

I have been a SAHM now for 8 years.  Only up until maybe 2 years ago, many days I would be home with my son and when he was sleeping as a baby, I would feel so alone.  I felt like everyone else I knew had a job to go to, but I had to stay home.  We choose for me to be a SAHM, but like you, I miss having adult interaction in person.

I guess what helped for me was that someone told me that I have a job too, it is a job I do at home.  Some people say it is the hardest job, with no breaks, or not time off. 

I have had a part time job, while being a SAHM (I use to be full time before children).  So, that helped to give me adult interaction outside the home.  But, I recently lost my job there of 12 years, so adjusting to that now.

I am thinking of more questions to add to this topic, so maybe I will start another thread.

I hope other SAHM's respond to your question, because it is a great one!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2007
Sat, 04-20-2013 - 10:22am

Hi, somehow I cannot see your full post, I have older children, but I know firsthand the lack of adult interaction was very hard for me. Try to find a friend to go to the gym with you and look for groups of moms to walk with the strollers around the park, or just go to the park, even though you will be with the baby you will see that there are other moms in the same situation as you and may be happy to have a person to talk too. I am sure other things can come up, but once you manage to put the bay to sleep, you and your husband can watch a movie together, or have a light late dinner together. It is the little things that count, and know this, it shall pass, too fast in fact, it is not just a cliché, time goes by quick. Good luck.

Avatar for j8songrl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Tue, 04-23-2013 - 11:23am

I love going to the gym. It allows me to get out of the house without the baby and then I come back more energized. I've been meeting up with a high school friend once a week for a couple of weeks now since she has a daughter six months older than my son and she's home now, too. That's been nice. I reached out to another high school friend who stays home with her three children, so we're going to plan to meet up soon. I've been going to the park recently since the weather has warmed up, but with my friend or husband. DH and I have a couple of hours in the evening together since the baby goes to bed at 7:30, so we usually use that time to watch a TV show or movie. We definitely take the time to find couple time while he's alseep, but we are in need of a date night very soon. It's been nice since he works from home right now to have him here those first few months. He's going to get a PT job out of the house sometime this fall. Right now, Ricky is teething, so he's been extra fussy/difficult. I know the baby phase passes quickly, so I try to enjoy it, even the difficult days. I let him cuddle/sleep on me during his short naps. I constantly pack him around (really because he won't let me put him down), but I've learned to do things with one hand, so I don't mind so much. I feel like I can't wait to have another and ideally three years apart, so I can get out of the baby phase with him first, but I also feel like if I wait until he's out of the baby phase, then I won't want to go through it again.

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