What is it like being a SAHM?
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| Sun, 01-23-2005 - 8:16pm |
This is my first post on this board, but I thought you guys might be able to help me.
DS (our only child) is 10 months old and has been in daycare since he was 12 weeks. I work about 40 hours a week, I am salaried, have a no stress job, a great boss (we are the only two in the office), and I am well paid for what I do. My job has no benefits, but that isn't a big deal because DS's job has all that.
So - what is my prob?
Well, DS has been sick constantly since about three weeks after we put him in daycare, he has he a ton of colds, 7 ear infections which finally resulted in tubes in December and most recently a stomach flu, another cold and right now a bronchial infection most likely caused by RSV. Due to this he is very slow gaining weight and has terrible sleep habits. Therefore, I am am exhausted from working all day, taking care of a sick baby, and being up all night. So, each time he gets sick DH and I start talking about me staying home. After this most recent bout of illness we are really serious. It just is not fair to DS that he is sick all the time. Plus he is showing some risk factors for asthma although we have no family history.
Financially, it will be difficult, but not impossible. We have very little debt and my husband earns a good living. We will just have to be A LOT more careful than we are now. DH and I earn roughly the same amount, so we will be cutting our income in half!!!
I am really scared to quit my job. I have had a job since 14 years old, I worked hard for a degree and I have always had a very successful career. I worry that DH will start to treat me more like a maid than an equal - although he has never had a tendency to be that way.
With that said, I have always wanted to stay home with DS - there is nothing more important to me than him. The opportunity to do this really is a dream come true -- so why am I so nervous?
So - I am soliciting your thoughts about being a SAHM. Are you exhausted? More so than when you worked out of the house? Are you fulfilled? How did it impact your marriage? Have you seen a positive difference with your kid(s)? HELP!!!

If you have the opportunity to stay at home with your child, then I would do it.
I first wanted to welcome you to the board. I am Traci Sahm/Homeschooling mom of two boys ages seven and three.
You will go through a lot of emotions upon staying home. I wish I could lie and give you a pretty picture of the adjustment period, but most moms find that it is very different than what they think.
I wanted to encourage you during your adjustment period as this is the most difficult time for most parents who are staying home for the first time.
Will you be exhausted? Some days yes, but other days you will wonder what everyone is talking about when they say it is hard. I will say that when I working with kids, it wasn't that I was more tired when I got home it was that there was just no time. It takes time of course to cook a hot meal, or clean the house (But don't be surprised if the house if messier when you stay home, since it is occupied more :) It really turns into a different kind of tired.
I would have to say that my marriage has been positively impacted from my being at home. My husband and I were both daycare children. When we first met we both had an idea
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Of course you are going to be nervous...you are making a big change if you do this. But don't doubt yourself too much. When it comes to the health and well being of your son, you probably know what is best. I think you will have fun staying home if that is what you decide- don't get me wrong, it really is hard work sometimes, but very rewarding hard work. I think it is worth more than any job could ever pay. I have been lucky to be home with all three of my kids since day one (my oldest is about to turn 5). I have also been blessed with a husband who treats me very well- he knows I am not a maid or "just a stay at home mom" and he is very helpful when he is home (something he picked up from his own dad). I think if you just communicate that this is a partnership things will be very clear. You are still working full time, you are just not getting paid monetarily to do what you do.
I think my children enjoy having me here with them full time. There is really never any rushing to get anywhere, except on mornings when my daughter has preschool, and we manage to stay pretty darn healthy- only an occasional cough and cold. And my kids are not missing any social skills, we have play dates with some friends once or twice a week-also very good for me, and my daughter started preschool at three to build some confidence and independence, she is thriving!
As far as being fulfilled, I have to say that for right now I have so much on my plate that it is hard not to be, but I know that the time will come when I will need something of my own to do again, and by then I know that my children will all be in school and I will have plenty more time on my hands to dive back into work. I finished my bachelor's degree in elementary ed right before my son (#2) was born three years ago (although now I have other interests). There is plenty of time to think about myself, but I know that my babies will only be babies for a short time and I must cherish this time and nurture it while I can, to help them become respectable and successful adults.
Hope this helps a little...follow your heart.
Kim
Let me first start by welcoming you, this is a great place!
I have always been a sahm, 12 1/2 years now I have 4 children Jeffery 12, Laura 10, Kira 8, & Anna 3. I worked at a daycare center when I was in college, and I swore at that point that my children were not going to be put into a traditional daycare. All of the children were sick all of the time, and many of them were quickly developing serious behavior problems. I had the 1 & under class, so I got to enjoy all of the wonderful 1sts that the parents were missing out on. I honestly don't think you would regret the decision to be a sahm. Your son's health would improve a great deal, and I'm sure it wouldn't harm his self esteem at all! I won't tell you it is all a basket of roses, but the benefits of being home definetly out weigh the dificult parts. I think the hardest part is finding some one to talk to who can relate. Since you have already found us you are all set!
Jody
I love being a SAHM!
My ds is 10 months also. I have been home with him, but I am still fairly new to this whole thing too. I was very worried I would be in a one down position with my dh. I told him how hard it is to take that step back. But in return I get full days with ds. Yes sometimes the beds don't get made and the floor is covered in cheerios, but we have time to clean later. Dh has been completely understanding and supportive. Just like the others I know lots of little ones who are always sick at day care. DS (Archie) hasn't been sick yet, It could be a coincedence. I truly believe(for me) that if you have the chance and the want, staying home is the best you can do.
Becky and Archie 3/1/04
Becky and Archie 3/1/04
and baby due Jan 26!
Wow! You guys are inspiring.
Thanks for your candid responses.