What would you do?
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| Fri, 11-26-2004 - 7:12am |
I have a situation I need help with. I hope this post doesn't get too long.
I've been helping out our neighbors with their kids and I'm starting to feel taken advantage of. It started in September when the dad was called back to work for a project (he was laid off over the summer). He asked me to help out taking his daughter to school and bringing her home. I said no problem...I was taking my daughter anyways. It was only supposed to be for a few weeks (it ended up being 2 months) and instead of just taking her and picking her up I ended watching her before school and after school. I didn't mind too much since I knew it was temporary, but I felt very relieved when it was over so I could get into a routine with just my kids.
Well after a few weeks, the dad took a temporary job. He was just going to work evenings so he need after school care for both of his kids. I told him I could help out temporarily until he made other arrangements. So for a few weeks I was picking up his son (3) before the dad left for work and then going to school and picking up his daughter and my 2 kids and watching them until the mom got home.
Now he's taken a new job and I'm watching both kids in the morning before school. I think this job is permanent and again I've told them I could help out until they make other arrangements. I feel guilty for not being willing to help out longer, but it's just not something I want to do. Am I being selfish? I guess because I stay at home and am able to do this for them, I feel like should. But I really don't want to. These people aren't friends and I had only met them once or twice before they asked me to help. What would you do?
On a side note, this whole experience has really made me appreciate being home with my kids even more. These kids are bounced around between daycare and people's houses...when they first started coming here, they didn't even know me. How scary to have to leave your kids with strangers! Good thing I'm such a nice person : )
Anyways, just wondering what other moms would do in this situation.
Thanks!
Wendy

You offered to help in the first place and did let him know you could only do it for a bit.
He needs to take resposibility for his kids and deal with it.
If that means a diffrent job then so be it, but it is not your prob.
I think you should let him figure it all out on his own.
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Sounds like what happens to me. People assume that because I am a SAHM I will take care of their kids whenever the need hit them. I used to say okay to them all then I started to resent people for it. I decided that it was my problem for not saying no. So. I did start to say no. If I didn't want to I wouldnt. I felt really bad for a while but it got better. I figure with 4 kids I have enough on my plate without taking care of other people. I don't mind helping out every once in a while but like you I was taken advantage of.
You know I also noticed that when I need someone to help me out, these people never seem willing or able.
With the December holidays coming up, it should be pretty easy to tell the family that this coming week is the last one that you will be able to help out, due to other commitments on your part. Depending upon where you live and weather issues, I'd have serious anxiety about carting a van load of kids to and from school and child care on snow and ice. It'd just make me really nervous to be driving other peoples' kids once the bad weather hits.
Don't feel guilty at all. Just give them one last week and be firm. When they say they can't get child care until January and could you just do one more month, say "I wish I could, but it just isn't possible" and don't elaborate. You've been really nice to help them out so many times, so don't feel badly.
Best wishes -
Suzanne
Thanks again!
Wendy