What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
What would you do?
10
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 3:51pm
Those of you who have read any of my posts have noticed that my realtionship with MIL could be better. Well,I have came to yet another road block. Dh and I are expecting our second baby in September. I'm having a scheduled c-section on Sept. 2nd. Anyway I had to have an emergency c-section with DS and MIL cooked our supper for the week after I came home,which at the time I thought was really swell of her. But since then she has not let me forget it. For 3 years she has repeated that she "cooked for us for a week." And might I add that was all she ever did. Every chance she gets she reminds us that she took care of our supper for us that week after I came home from the hospital. So a few days ago she said she was going to cook our suppers again like last time. I rather she didn't I had just as well do it myself. I don't care how sore I am I would rather be in pain and do it myself than to hear her rub it in my face. I told Dh that I didn't want her to do it this time and he said to let her. What should I do? What would you guys do? I really don't want to hear her mouth. She is going to be over here enough bossing me around with the baby. And, BTW, we thanked her over and over when she cooked for us last time...so I will never understand why she just can't let it go. Am I being unreasonable or prideful?

TIA,

Holly

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 5:03pm

why don't you start making dishes when you get closer to your due date? Make some good carserol's that freeze well. Tell her thank you but I have already taken care of that'',, tell her you made and froze a bunch of dinners and have the instructions on them for your dh,,, that will burn her,,,


can I wonder though,, and I can say this cause it was a rough few years with my MIL until I really got to know her,, but does she really mean well,, and she just grates on your nerves so you can't see that?,, or is she really a pain in the behind?.,, either way Good Luck,,

Kim~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Sun, 07-25-2004 - 5:07pm
I really feel for you. My MIL is bad....But she is an angel compared to how you talk about yours. This is a tough situation. IF she did cook for you....then the next time she brought it up I would just tell her that she was the one who offered....And I would tell her that every single time that she mentioned it to me. I really don't know what to tell you to do. If ya don't want her to cook....then tell her....tell her that you can handle it yourself. I know that sounds easier than it is. But that is all I can say.

Good Luck

Christy

Avatar for cowsr93445
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 12:48pm
I have one of "those" MIL's too. And she gets under my skin in the worst way. I've tried over and over and over again, did I mention I've tried? Okay, with that said...I would just tell her you're all set. Thanks but no thanks. As far as the hubby, you can tell him Thanks but no thanks too. I swear, the ONLY time my husband and I fight it's because of his family, whom I really dislike and enough is enough with biting my tongue!! Our girls aren't babtized because we can't agree on God parents. He wants his sister and brother to be at least one god parent to each girl, I disagree....they don't KNOW or take the time to get to know our girls....blah!!


This sorda turned in to my own vent. Sorry!! Be kind but be honest. You'll have things under control and would rather just get it done yourself. I don't know, at this point and with my MIL, I'd just tell her I'm all set. Like another poster said, make some meals ahead of time and freeze them so she'll really have nothing to come to do...y'know!! GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!

~Tammy

Mom to Synthia (11 years) and Zoe (10 months)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:28pm
Hi, I'm new here...actually, this is the first msg I read.

Glad to hear that I'm not the only one who has a "Monster-in-law" although mine would never cook for us (even if we were both ill and still had our daughter here!).

What I did when I had my first daughter was we made a bunch on things (stews, casseroles, lasagna, chili etc.) and froze them. That way we didn't have to have the local Pizza Place on speed-dial and I didn't have to do alot. I didn't have a c-section but it was a suggestion made by the woman who taught our prenatal class. You can freeze them in 1 or 2 servings (3 if you are hungry!) and then just thaw them out as you need them! Worked great for us.

My MIL didn't actually come to see Alexandra until she was a month old (they live in the same town as us) and she hasn't seen her since Easter. On the plus side, my daughter doesn't like her because she doesn't know her so I don't have to act all nice when she's around (although I don't say anything bad in front of my daughter!). My MIL also tells all the family (her side, and we're not close to them at all) about how we never go to visit (the apt. is filled with breakable things and and there is no room to play) and how I won't meet her at the mall for a coffee (sitting in the mall with a 23 month old for 2 hours does not excite me!)

Good luck and if you want any easy to freeze recipies let me know!

Avatar for cowsr93445
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:53pm
I'd like to some easy recipes....lol, not to freeze, just to make!!



~Tammy (who's not fond of the kitchen all it that goes with it)

Mom to Synthia & Zoe

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 8:23pm
Since this won't be an emergency C-section like last time, I would plan ahead so you won't need her assistance. Make some casseroles or something in advance, that you can just stick in your freezer, order pizza, do whatever you need to. Recovering from major surgery is hard enough, (I know, i had a c/s too) without having to deal with a domineering mil. BTW, does dh ever step in and say anything? Is there anyone else, like maybe a mom or sister on your side who could help? If it were me, I wouldn't let this lady set one foot in my house! Good luck, sounds like you'll need it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 9:27pm
MHO is not to let her and if you must, then to say thanks now and that she really does not need to.
Let her know you do not want to hear about it for thext 10 years and if you will then there is no need to do it.
Be honest about it or you might have another 3 years of nagging about it.

Lilypie Baby Days

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 3:23am
I agree whole heartedly that you should not let her "help" you. It's just going to add extra stress to an already stressful situation. Because even if she doesn't say anything about helping you, if you are anything like me, you will be thinking about what she might say and get all stirred up inside.

My MIL offered to stay with us for a week after the birth of Kathryn. She said she just wanted to make sure we were okay and that we could bond with the baby. Well, I cooked all the meals, DH did all the dishes and had to actually run errands to the store for her while she was supposedly "helping" us. But I digress, short version of my advice is whatever will cause you less stress, opt for that.

Good luck,

Malin

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Tue, 07-27-2004 - 10:32am
ahhhhhhhhhh the MOTHER IN LAW.......i sure hope all you ladies with boys..... read all these posts about mother in laws reaaaaaly close and take them to heart....it's your turn to break that word in to a good word rather than a bad word......lol.....my mother in law is the worst....... left her own boys with their dad when they were small, never saw them even tho she only lived like 10 minutes away........ even when their dad would leave town for a week at a time for work and left them alone with no adult supervision, she never went over there to make sure they were ok..my gawd.....i would have taken them home with me..... geeeeez. but that is how she is with her grand kids now too, she wants US to runnnnnnnn to her house and see HER....nope..sorry.... dh FINALLY after 24 years of marriage told her why we wont...... her house STINKS... horrid..... moldy.... i refuse to have my kids in her house.. but see, that is the only reason he told her........lol.... he didnt tell her about her selfish ways, and that if she realy cared for her grand kids she would be here....

i totaly agree with these posters........start now....get a bunch of meals made.. remember, spaghetti sauce goes along way, not only for spaghetti, but you can make tons of meals out of it.. like chicken parmegan, and pizza..lasagne...also, if you have schwans service, they have awesome meals... my grandma gets them alot.. get it all ready now.and when she asks. just say......well....... i have a freezer full of stuff i have already made for my family, so when baby comes we are set.but thank you anyway, we would like some peace and quiet after this one......cuz belive me...this one is gonna be different, there wont be much sleeping while baby sleeps when you have another one in the house... good luck..and remember.. this is YOUR family, and YOUR home..... and YOUR choice of how things go.......and honestly.... i think your dh should be the one taking care of you.....not her...........
Avatar for lisacolette
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 10:01am
Sorry about your MIL. It sounds to me like she repeats her "wonderful deed" over and over because she wants to pump herself up. Your thanking her afterward just makes her feel all the more important, making her repeat it again. Nothing you do will change that need of hers so you'll have to learn to ignore her attitude (tough, I know). Tell her how much you appreciate her "sacrifice" but you don't need her to cook then entire week as you've got meals already planned/frozen and ready to go. You can say you're aware how hard it was on her the last time and you're really in the swing of this "mommy" thing so you're not needing as much help. Suggest she cook maybe once or twice, giving her a specific day she can come over to see the baby and cook. You may ultimately just have to swallow your annoyance and try as hard as you can to ignore her when she needs "pumping." She doesn't sound like a bad person, just someone who needs to feel good about herself. My husband's grandmother is just like her and we keep reminding ourselves that she's a good woman who won't be around forever. This makes her more tolerable. A good sense of humor helps too.

Good luck!

Lisa