WHEN DID KIDS GET SO MEAN????????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
WHEN DID KIDS GET SO MEAN????????????
43
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 8:41am
WELL YESTURDAY WAS NICE OUT,SO MY SON & I PACKED UP HIS TOYS &STUFF &HEADED TO THE PARK.AFTER PLAYING FOR A WHILE SOME KIDS CAME 2 BOYS & A GIRL (BOYS AROUND 4-7 GIRL 12)WELL THEY STARTED TOSSING A BALL TO EACH OTHER,WELL DOMENIC COMES RUNNING OVER SAYING I WANNA PLAY THROW IT TO ME,THET IGNORE HIM ,SO AGAIN HE SAYS PLEASE I WANNA PLAY THROW IT TO ME PLEASE.THEY LOOKED AT HIM & YELLED NO YOU CAN NOT PLAY. I WAS SHOCKED ,AMAZED AT HOW RUDE THAT WAS.MY SON WILL BE 3 IN MAY ,ALL HE WANTED WAS TO PLAY BALL WITH THESE KIDS. WELL I SAID COME ON DOMENIC I'LL PLAY WITH YOU ,NO MOMMY I WANNA PLAY WITH THEM ,I SAID SORRY HONEY THEY DO'NT WANNA PLAY WITH YOU HE ASKED ME WHY > I FELT SO BAD FOR HIM.WELL WE STARTED PLAYING & ANOTHER LITTLE GIRL (NAMED JENNIFER )CAME OVER & WAS JUST WATCHING US DOMENIC SAID DO YOU WANNA PLAY WITH ME!WELL SHE DID SO THE 3 OF US TOSSING THE BALL TO EACH OTHER WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THOSE KIDS (THE ONES THAT TOLD HIM HE COULD NOT PLAY)CAME OVER WITHOUT ASKING JUST DECIDED TO JOIN OUR GAME.... WRONG... I STOPPED THE GAME & SAID LETS GO PLAY ON THE SWINGS I'LL PUSH YOU GUYS(DOMENIC & JENNIFER).I KNOW THAT WAS MEAN BUT I WAS STILL ALITTLE MAD . WHEN DID KIDS BECOME SO MEAN????????/
Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:43pm
Shelley,, that was right on the nose,, Good for you,, we can't control how ither people will act,, specially children,, al we can do is teach our kids that everyone is diffrent and everyone plays diffrent, and everyone is raised diffrent! I want things to roll off my kids backs,, I don; want them to think that kids didn't play with them cause they didn;t like her,, or cause they were ''Jerks'',, No I want my kids to know that everyone is diffrent and just because someone was not intrested in playing with them doesn't make them less special,,, Good for your attitude! You have diffrent circumstances and you still have a postive attitude about it,,
~Kim~,, mom to 3 girls~~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:58pm
Sometimes because my issues are different I think that I have become more laid back and more aware of the differences in the world. I choose my battles carefully and I think it's proper to celebrate differences and as long as no one is cruel (name calling, pushing, etc) then they have the right to their own choices. If I feel like they were mean--I've learned to step back and take a deep breath and examine why I think that they were mean. We face alot of what most people would consider rude stares and questions concerning my DD, but most of the time I learn that it is interest, regret for themselves (long story), or ignorance and the stares stop when react with calm and kindness. But really be rude to my DD and then I'll rip your throat out (LOL) Shelley
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 2:43pm
Hi!

And I am sure, Shelley, that even with your DD's situation, you haven't come across that maybe people (children included) that were mean enough to merit getting their throats ripped out. LOL. See, I think that what is being perceived as "mean" is just the result of children asserting themselves. We (esp. as women) are taught to just roll over and let everyone get everything they ask or try to demand from us, no questions asked. What woman doesn't tell a friend "no" to a favor and then stress about it for days? Worrying about being mean and hurting feelings?

I know that my daughter is going to come across plenty of different people: nice or rude, light or dark, boy or girl. She needs to know how to be good to everyone and how to deal with the bad apples.

Thanks,

Melissa

Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 3:14pm
Exactly, and I assert myself with the best of them. There are alot of people out there who would think I'm mean, because I say what I feel and that is okay. I also am secure enough in my self that I can say well if you don't like me then it's your choice and walk away. THIS is what I want my DD and DS to learn from me. Shelley
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 3:20pm
ok now this is getting a little crazy,first off saying "No" to my son is an everyday thing (touching the stove ,outlets,going near the street,stairs)those things you do not to hurt them or be "mean to them"you do to protect them from getting hurt.second if a child/children are sitting eating ice cream or whatever no i do'nt expect nor want them to offer/bive any to my son that is totally different from playing at the park.i 'm sorry i must of been wrong i always thought you bring your child to the park to play &to meet/play with others.i went through a very rough time while having my son i was rushed in to the hospital & cut open (no drugs)he almost died & the months ,years that followed were hard as well &they are not over by no means see my son only has one leg. so as far as people/kids staring &feeling "so bad for son"i am so well aware of them.for the rest of his life he will alwys be differnt from the others,but as ,long as he is happy then i am.even with one leg my son is by nomeans any differnt from other kids no matter what they think.he runs,walks,&does things differnt&slower but we all do.i would no change anything i did & you can bet i would do it all over again,but as far as stressing over it never did say i was now did i!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 3:50pm
I am sorry to hear that you had such a hard time with your son. It is difficult under any circumstances to raise a child with a disability.

I agree that the park is a great place to meet people...if they are open to meeting you!

When I say no to my daughter (with the outlets, etc) of course it is for her safety. But she is 11 months old. She doesn't get why I am telling her no, she just gets upset. She doesn't understand that it is for safety. Like your son couldn't understand why the big kids didn't want to play with him. Maybe you are projecting your own fears onto your son (like the kids in the park are rejecting him just because of his handicap and not because of his age). In the future, I suggest that you can explain it to him by saying, "Oh, they are playing a big-kids game. You can play with them when you are older."

I know that this discussion has gotten rather in-depth and that's good, I think. I still stand by my original point that kids don't have to play with anyone they don't know if they don't want to (and the parents aren't around to make them, ha ha).

Thanks,

Melissa
Meldi
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 6:47pm
you are right if you do'nt want to play with my son then do'nt. but like i had said the first time they did not have to yell at my son.also i never said anyhting to the kids i just stopped the game when they tried to join in.I will always & I mean always be very protetive of my son!if everyone in this world got along, agreed with everyone & everthing then we would be living in a very boring world (lol).my son is just a very happy friendly little boy & everyday i thank god for him & that.My son is a strong little boy & he understands that he is different & at this time it does not seem to bother him,but maybe one day it will.for being not even 3 i am very proud of all he has done & will do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 8:33pm
WAY TO GO domenicsmom!!You are a good mom!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:08pm
All I have to say, is watch what you say until you are dealing with raising that age yourself!! I have always beamed with pride at how nice my DD has ALWAYS been. I have always encouraged her to mind her manners, and watch out for other people's feelings at all times. She is a wonderful girl, and for the most part, VERY nice, polite, and aware of other's feelings. Well, that is until she turned 7!!! WOW!! She has gotten SOO lippy!! I have heard her say things to her peers that made my jaw drop! MY SWEET CASSIE??? No way!! The fact is, you can influence your child's manners until you are blue, but they are still going to experiment with cause and effect of their choice of words/behavior. I think that good parenting will not completely aviod this behavior, but HOPEFULLY (for my sake, at least! LOL) good parenting will shorten this stage and not let it become part of the child's personality.

I honestly don't know how I would have dealt with the situation (probably depending on what kind of day I was having! LOL), but I always try not to assume anything when it comes to other children's behavior or parenting. Even children who have "perfect" parents, have an off day. Until all of my children are completely raised and out of the house, I won't be caught dead thinking/saying the thoughs "my kids NEVER..." or "my kids ALWAYS..." It almost always comes back to bite you in the butt! And I have the feeling with the three different personality types that I am raising, we will most likely cover every problem area eventually, so I probably won't even be able to say it then either (except with the wonderful gift of "selective memory! LOL)! LOL

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:30pm
Seriously, "cut open with no drugs" when you gave birth? I have a hard time believing that. Sounds pretty barbaric to have a C-section with no drugs! If it is true, I feel sorry for you!

Angie