why can't they just get along!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
why can't they just get along!!!
15
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 1:04pm

I dont know what to do!

My DD who is 9 and my DS who is almost 5 (feb 24) fight all the time. They cant do anything together without fighting. I try so hard to explain to them they have to be best friends and they shouldnt always try to get each other in trouble. They (no school today) just had a fight over who would put the leap frog video in.

What works for you? They both get along great with my DS who is 1. I know its normal but is it normal for me to feel like I am going crazy?????LOL. Eileen

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 7:33pm
As much as saying don't feel bad wont help I still have to say it. It's completely normal. I remember my brother who is 5 years younger and I used to fight so bad we made our Mom cry! I mean she used to cry and get so upset she would call our Dad at work and he would have to come home at lunch and yell at us because our Mom couldn't break up our fights. I look back and think no wonder she used to cry! We called each other every name there was, slammed doors, threw things, and that's not even touching on what we did to each other! We used to beat the living daylights out of each other - it was horrible. For a while our parents stopped taking us out because we would fight - so that started to work because we never got to do anything fun like going to movies or the park or we were grounded. Getting us involved in different activities helped as well - less time together and gave us something to each focus on. I would just try to stay calm and seperate them as much as possible with playdates or activities, that way when they're together they might be able to apprecaite the time a little more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Fri, 01-21-2005 - 11:00pm
I was watching Oprah today and the 911 Nanny was on there, she had a great Idea get a stool and have that as the child that starts the fight sit on it and tell him or her that you will be back to talk to them, and thay are not to move, Instead of sending them to their rooms because then they can play in there. She also said to set aside time to spend with each child each day gives them the attention, sometimes they act this way for your attention? Just a thought give it try? Good luck, be firm and not to back down or they know that you will give in every time!!!!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2003
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 3:13pm
I know what you are going through! My boys are 8 and 10 and call each other names, fight, you name it that is how they treat each other. But then they can be the best of friends!
I have bought a puzzle that has fifty pieces in it, then I seperated them into ziplock bags (10 in each bag). When they work together and not fight they earn a piece out of the bag when the complete a bag they get a treat (ice cream, etc..) when they have finished the whole puzzle then they get a special night out. They get to choose where we eat and the activity after dinner. Right now they have 12 pieces left and they are already talking about where they want to go. At the moment they want to go bowling! It seems to work and does take alot of time but it has helped them work together.
Krisy
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
Sat, 01-22-2005 - 11:48pm

I don't have any good advice for you, but maybe a piece of mind. I am the oldest of 4. There is almost 9 years between me and my closest brother. He and I would fight constantly, even after I had my own kids and he got bigger than me. we didn't just holler, we hit, tackled, kicked, whatever we could. but the plus side to this, no one ever messed with us when we were together. We always stand up for each other to people outside our family. He was getting hit by another kid on the bus and everyday the bus driver yelled at my brother. He told me of the problem, a little while later we got into a fight, but the next day on the bus. I yelled at the other kid when the driver started to holler at my brother (who wasn't doing anything) and I told her what I thought.

What i am pointing out, is that no matter how much siblings fight, they do love each other and will always be there for each other.

As a mother, the best thing to do is let them work out what they can only setting basic rules for the fighting. no name calling, no hitting, shoving, etc. depending on the age. they break the rules, then they sit or clean. the punishment needs to be tried to see what works with your child.

i was always made to clean because i liked to hide in my room with no radio or tv. on the other hand, my brother hates to have to sit with out the radio or television. so try different things a couple of times and use what works for which child.

For a peace of mind, walk away. if at all possible, leave the house and let another adult deal with them while you get your peace back. we don't have our children very long. right now it may seem as though it will never end. but before you know it, they will be gone and your home will be so quiet that you will go crazy with the emptiness.

relax and take each phase with peace of mind that it will end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 5:37pm
I know what your talking about! I have 4 kids who are all 2 years apart. The oldest girl and oldest boy, ages 11 & 8, fight like crazy. They nitpick each other until one is crying and the other sulking, they tattle on each other and at least once a day, someone gets hurt. Separation works to diffuse the initial problem, each kid has a "corner" for cooling their heels. They are so similiar in personality that they don't see that the very thing that drives them crazy that bro or sis does, is exactly what they are doing! They are fighting each other using the same tactics! I am amazed watching this, that they have not seemed to realize it yet. After about 10 minutes of lettig their tempers cool down abit, and that also gives me time to think of how to handle it, I pull them together and we discuss the problem, I ask for solutions from each of them, and then they must apologize to each other and to me. If they are not sprry, its back to the corner. Seems to work well, since they have emotional temperments and are both social. I think alot of disciplining kids has to do with knowing their temperment and what they respond to.
Good Luck to you and God Bless!

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