Why we love kids...
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Why we love kids...
| Fri, 02-23-2007 - 8:47pm |
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back
seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle
the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the
bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing
the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is
that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she
extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It
sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back
of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the
canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never
believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And
why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache! the next
morning. "
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory
be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a
woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked!
As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back
seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle
the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the
bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing
towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then
asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing
the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is
that right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she
extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It
sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back
of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was
unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the
canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false
teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never
believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And
why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache! the next
morning. "
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The
minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory
be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."
