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Wish there was a Rant folder!
| Thu, 06-23-2005 - 11:02am |
I am so upset right now.
At this moment, I am done with my husband. He is so disgusting and not the person I want to be with.
As you might know, he was looking at porn and that is how our computer got viruses and is not running well.
I asked him about it only after I noticed something wrong with the computer. He was not even going to tell me he was on looking at it.
He promised me he would not look at this stuff anymore. Especially on the computer! He lied and did not keep his promise. He does not see what the big deal is??
The big deal is, now we had nasty pop up coming on the computer. What is Andrew had been on?
He said he was bored and desperate. Saying because I did not "give him any" Well, for one, its that time of the month and it aint happening! And we just had sex the day before AF. I swear, what else can I do??
Now I refuse to do anyhting wioth him. Let him have his porn if it means so much to him and that I am not good enough for him. He siad he wants a divorce then?
I sit here now in tears because this just disgusts me that not having sex everyday means you need porn!
I am sorry for putting this all out here on the board but I dont have anyone else to talk to about this.
Am I being stupid to get so upset about it?
At this moment, I am done with my husband. He is so disgusting and not the person I want to be with.
As you might know, he was looking at porn and that is how our computer got viruses and is not running well.
I asked him about it only after I noticed something wrong with the computer. He was not even going to tell me he was on looking at it.
He promised me he would not look at this stuff anymore. Especially on the computer! He lied and did not keep his promise. He does not see what the big deal is??
The big deal is, now we had nasty pop up coming on the computer. What is Andrew had been on?
He said he was bored and desperate. Saying because I did not "give him any" Well, for one, its that time of the month and it aint happening! And we just had sex the day before AF. I swear, what else can I do??
Now I refuse to do anyhting wioth him. Let him have his porn if it means so much to him and that I am not good enough for him. He siad he wants a divorce then?
I sit here now in tears because this just disgusts me that not having sex everyday means you need porn!
I am sorry for putting this all out here on the board but I dont have anyone else to talk to about this.
Am I being stupid to get so upset about it?




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Elise and Olivia will both be big sisters!!!

I am so sorry Mel! Of course you can rant here, you know we are all here for you.
You know some people believe porn is just harmless and something that men "just do". I do not believe that at all. You know I think it is truly evil and hurts not just family's but the women who usually come from desperate situations.
When my husband was a teen he watched porn all the time. He had such a misconstrued idea of what women and sex where really like. It really can mess with an impressionable mind. When Dh and I got married I let him know that porn was a deal breaker for me.
I don't know what to say anymore, I can feel your pain and wish I could help!
I know Dr. Phil is sometimes corny but here is what he has to say on it.
Is Internet Porn Cheating?
Internet pornography is a growing trend that has many people worried about their relationships. Is it cheating? And is it a "normal guy thing"? Here's what Dr. Phil believes:
Ask yourself or your partner:
Mel, (((((HUGS))))) It is ok to come on here and let it all out. I know how you feel. My dh looks at that stuff every once in awhile and it hurts my feelings a little. One time it also brought up ugly pop ups and I just got really mad at him and showed him these pop ups and asked him what would he do or say if the girls saw this. That seemed to made him stop for a little. Now we have a stupid site that he and daughter download music and he is able to download porn off of there. Now everyday I look through all the folders to make sure there is nothing on there cause sometimes he forgets to delete them. The other night dd's and I were watching a movie in the living room and I thought he went to bed, but NO he came straight to the computer and downloaded porn. That is when I told him enough of this, I could not believe he had the nerve to do this while the kids were downstairs and still awake. The computer is in a open room where you can see the screen just by stepping into the kitchen. This really made me MAD!! Mel, the only thing that gets me through this is I know I am not alone. Mostly all men do this and if their wives don't think they do then they just don't want to admit it or refuse to believe that their husbands could do such a thing. I use to work at Time Warner Cable and we would get tons of calls every night of wives complaining about their bill that they did not order porn. Sometimes it would even be Pastor's wives complaining. When you would tell them that someone in the house ordered this they would go off and deny everything. Sometimes it does make me think, well am I not good enough that you have to look at this stuff, but dh tells me that men are just like this. They think about sex everyday. Men are just different and we will never understand them. They are from Mars..lol. I hope you feel better and please try not to think that it is you. I even threatened that we would cut off the internet entirely and it would save us money, but then I would not be able to come to the board..lol.
Olivia
&nbs
Of course you're not stupid to be upset about this. I would suggest that you try counseling as soon as posible - if your husband won't go, then go by yourself. Even if he doesn't change, counseling can help you to deal with it in a healthy way that might even help you lead your husband away from porn. I'm a firm believer in counseling and have been there myself more than once. Good luck - I'm really sorry that you're dealing with this. We have enough in our lives to deal with as wives and moms without adding junk like this!!!
Paige
Sorry, but that is just not true. That is just a lie that men tell their wives to try to normalize their perverse behavior. And it is perverse. IT is a problem. A growing problem with the availablility of it on the internet. It is disgusting and if you do not want it in your home or in your marriage it is a deal breaker. My sister left her first husband because of this and has found true happiness with someone who loves her and has a reality based view of sex and women. Pornography damages all involved and it changes the feel of your house, I know, I know the difference between what her house felt like and mine, where despite what you might think, no porn gets viewed, never had an unexplained charge on a credit card or my cable bill, their is none of it in my house. There wasn't any in my parents house. There is not any in any of my siblings houses either, I KNOW!!! So do not believe the lie that this is just how men are. Men have control over their minds and bodies just like we do, its only a part of their minds anf lives if they let it. It is unacceptable and should not be tolerated, especially if it makes one marriage partner feel upset. If it makes you hurt, uncomfortable and feel degraded, it is because it is all of those things, not because you are the strange one. Do not believe that you have to have this as a part of your life and marriage.
I am so sorry! :( I myself have a bit of the same problem. Dh likes to watch porn videos. I don't mind sometimes............ But other times when either Af is here or just one of my emotional times it makes me jealous for some reason....I guess I get jealous because I don't think my husband realizes there is more to intimacy than sex. I do know than mens sexual drive is higher than a womans... But it aggrevates me because it seems like when a man gets aroused he needs relief for sure...and most women can just ignore it.
But for you....... I do see why you are upset... My puter has a virus on it...and has porn pop ups ALL the time... So with having a child that gets on the puter... that is awful. But to me looking at porn and watching porn is a lot better than him actually going out and cheating on me.
Maybe ya'll should seek some counseling before you consider divorce. And I think maybe why your husband mentioned divorce....is because he feels you are telling him what to do.. Maybe instead of telling him in anger that you are mad and that he should NOT be looking at porn...you should maybe sit down and discuss it...and explain to HIM why it bothers you...without screaming or getting mad. Maybe ya'll will have to compromise...though I am not sure what that is.... since I do not know why you do not like the porn and everything else!
Good Luck! And please do not jump to conclusions so quick.
Christy
No you are not stupid at all for getting upset at your husband looking at porn. I would personally kill my dh if he looked at anything like that, which he may, but I have never caught him. Don't let him make you feel guilty for not having sex with him, thats not an excuse for him to look at naked women. Just relax and let some time pass, I'm sure your Dh will see where you're coming from, and everything will be fine. Maybe just sit down with him and talk to him and let him know how you're really feeling, and how it makes you feel when he looks at other women. And I'm sure you guys can get the problem resolved. I hope everything works out, keep us posted.
Sorry I normally do not respond in anger but I just have to say what is on my mind. I am here for Mel, I was trying to make her feel better in knowing that she is NOT alone in this. That MOST men, not ALL, do this. I am sure you made Mel feel much better by stating how perfect you and your familys homes are. I do think porn is wrong if you are addicted to it and have to watch it everyday. Of course, seek professional help if it is this bad. And if your calling my husband a pervert, then I guess I am one too. I really only get upset when he watches and does not ask if I would like to watch it with him so we can enjoy it together. I personally do not see anything wrong with occasional viewing as long as the kids are not around and again if the person is not addicted to it and if the significant other does not see anything wrong with it.
Mel, please do not immediately jump to divorce. Talk to your husband and let him know exactly how you feel. Tell him some of the stuff that Traci posted about Dr. Phil and maybe then he will understand. If that doesn't work then ask if he will go to counseling with you. Hugs and prayers to ya!
Olivia
&nbs
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