Would like an honest opinion,, more

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Would like an honest opinion,, more
18
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 7:15pm

well here is a small bit of the situation,, my dd dances with another girl,, has for 9 years now,, the mother and I have been friends for quite awhile,, at 1st we were just aquaintainces and then we would talk on the phone, hang out at all the dance things and ride together. Since last yr she has become friends with another mother too, and they talk quite a bit. I have felt like a 3rd wheel around them, they kind of formed a click and kind of snub me. She doesn't talk to me on the phone anymore, she doesnt answer my emails, and we used to bring home her girls after dance and now she just picks them up, without ever saying that she didn't need us to do it anymore.


I sent her a card in the mail,, just one of those you are my friend cards with a small note saying that I thought our friendship has faded and that I didn't know why,, I really don't! I never did anything. Well my question is,, she never answered it,, I mean she didn't call or write or email to say ''hey that's not true'' or anything.


I have no idea why,, but am I to just guess that she no longer wants to be my friend? I mean I don't want to be a nag and say something,,, what would you do? and what do you honestly think?


THANKS SO MUCH,,,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 6:57pm
angie, you're my clone honey! lol. i'm the same way, my good friends are few and far between, and i don't waste my time on casual "friends." the ones i have are my friends to the death, good times and bad, rain and shine, loving life or wishing i was dead, they're still my friends. if i don't call them, they'll call me, and not during dinner, lol. and good friends don't have drama between them. if they're mad, they tell you they're mad, and they have a darn good reason to be. there's no petty bickering and snobbery, and noone gets bent over imagined slights. you can yell at their kids, and they can yell at yours. if you make a decision they really think is dumb, they're still there to pick you up and bail you out when it turns out they were right, and they never say "i told you so." you can call them when you want to strangle your dh and they'll rag him up and down with you, and then never bring it up when you're getting along with him. they talk you out of child abuse, divorce, and cheating, and never hold it against you.

friends like that are hard to find, and when you've got one you know it and you'll never let it go, but the rest of them? screw it!! lol

just had to agree with ya,

clarity

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 9:21pm

yes thanks and I don't mind the honest opinion,, but you seemed to miss that we do have alot in common and we were friends,, we each have 3 kids,, both of our kids dance together and go to competition together,, we live near each other, we like the same things,,, I am not merly an aquanitce I have known each other for alomost 10 years!


I agree that life is too short,, too short to hide behind un answered phone calls and not telling the truth,, If you know you don't want to be friends with someone buck up and say so not just drop them like a hot potato,,, by the way I have been meaning to ask you,,, I hope your day is better and you don't still ''HATE'' your kids,,

~Kim~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 10:13pm
whoops, removing foot from mouth at this point then! sorry, i guess i didn't read carefully enough to catch all that, i thought it was more casual than that. after ten years i would certainly want an answer as to why the friendship dissolved. ignore the post in that case, i'm with you, what the heck? sorry bout that.

and o yes, i'm MUCH better now, thankfully those "i'm gonna scream" moments pass! dh gave me some time off and we had a great easter celebration today and let the kids just go wild, it was awesome. they had soooo much fun and so did we. nothing helps like a good party, lol

and again, sorry for my misunderstanding, completely missed the depth of the friendship, i thought it was just a social relationship because your dds are in dance together and perhaps the other mom just didn't want to be friends. when i say i drop aquaintances i'm talking about people who i've gone to the park with once or twice, or knew from storytime or preschool and had a playdate or two and then never pursued it further. if it was a longstanding friendship then i'd definately owe them some kind of reason for ending the friendship.

have a good night,

clarity

clarity

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 12:20am
It sounds like the new mom has something to do with it. Either your friend has more in common with her, or more likely, the new mom isn't comfortable around you. Maybe you could try inviting both of them over after dance class one day. If they both decline and don't put anymore effort into the friendship, you should just forget about it. I know what its like to feel like a 3rd wheel. Its no fun. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 1:51pm
Just forget about the both of them all together. If she did want to be your friend, she would have at least answered your e-mail.

It seems like she probably likes to be with new mom better, well you got us here online to chat with!!

I say just watch her and her new friend and see how their wonderful friendship turns out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 7:58pm
I'd say that she just isn't interested and pursuing it will just put her into a spot where if forced to address the issue with you will probably result in her saying things you don't want to hear. It's probably nothing you did or anything else- it's just like dating- sometimes people just don't 'click'. Don't worry about it- let her go her own way and you go yours and spend your energy acquiring friends who *will* appreciate you and enjoy your company :)



Wytchy

Avatar for my3girls2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 9:41pm
Thanks to everyone,, I am a very senstive person,, and my dh's very close Aunt just passed away and ut things into perspective for me,, I guess for whatever reason she doesn't want to be friends anymore,, so,, sigh,,, I will move on,, It bothers me but then again I can sry watching ''Little House On The Prarie''',, I have you guys right? That and my healthy family,, that's all I need,, Thanks to you all!! After today I really needed it!!!

~Kim~

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 6:34pm
My opinion is...If she stopped talking to you and you know you haven't done anything wrong...Sounds like she has a new friend and isn't making room for you anymore, she doesn't deserve to be your friend anyway! That is just nasty behavior on her part....she is being very immature by not talking to you at all..even to tell you why she won't talk to you. She needs to grow up, her not talking to you after meeting a "new" friend sounds like something from the 3rd grade. Don't let her bother you anymore, you have better things to worry about like your home and family :) ! Well, there is my 2cents!

Luna

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