wwyd~developemental delays
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wwyd~developemental delays
| Tue, 07-20-2004 - 11:19am |
taking hat off....lol
i'm really confused and a little distressed about my neighbor's baby, and i could really use some suggestions/advice. my neighbor, who despite a few tasteless comments, is a very nice lady who i talk to every day. when she first brought the baby home i knew something was wrong with him: he had a very very large head, low set ears, and absolutely tiny hands and feet. now i have two kids of my own and i know babies come in all shapes and sizes, but when i first saw this little guy my heart froze and i knew something was wrong. i didn't say anything then as i figured that the doctors would catch it and better she heard it from them than from me, kwim? as the little guy grew i noticed more and more things that set off warning bells in my mind. mom has nystagmus (wall-eye), and when the baby was about 2 months old i could tell that he had it as well. his eyes could not track or focus at all, they would just spin around independently of each other. somehow mom didn't seem to notice at all, so when he was about 3 months old i told her that babies can usually track or at least focus by then, and that i thought she should get him checked out. i tried to do it as kindly and gently as i could, but i still upset her, understandibly. but she took him to an eye doctor and found that yes, he did have the nystagmus, and he also has congenital cateracts. mom has chosen not to have his eyes fixed because she never got hers fixed and she thinks he'll be fine, even though she is 32 and can't see well enough to read or drive. whatever, that's her choice and i guess i have to respect it.
but he's 8 months old now, and he's so developementally behind i can barely keep my mouth shut any more. he's 8 months old and physicaly healthy and strong, but he cannot sit up, roll back to front, focus his eyes (now i know that's the nystagmus but still!) crawl, stand, ANYTHING!!! he's the equivalent of my kids at perhaps 4 months. not only can he not do age appropriate things, he also does a lot of really strange tics, like he throws his head completely back and stares at the ceiling whenever he is held, 'flys' with his back bent in a bow and his arms and legs off the floor whenever he's on his stomach, and completely collapses whenever he's stood up on his feet. mom is either dumb as a box of rocks or in massive denial, because she doesn't seem to get that anything's wrong.
you know that section in the baby books that says that babies all develop at their own pace? yeah well, she's taking that a little TOO literally!! this is her first kid and she's not around any other babies whatsoever, and since my kids did everything really early (crawled at 6 mos walked at 8 talked at 8) she tends to write them off as precocious and her baby as 'normal.' i've given her all my baby books and even gotten her a book specifically about physical therapy for developementally delayed kids, but she still doesn't get that there's any problem. by complete fluke we have the same pediatrition, but she's really bad about scheduling well babies and he hasn't been to the doctor since he was 5 months old. and when she does go, she tends to exagerate his accomplishments and downplay his delays. for example, she says he talks and is going to walk any day now, when all i've ever seen the kid do is drool and flop.
he's a precious kid who's always smiling and giggling, and i hate to see him floundering. i think he'd have a fighting chance if she would just find out what is wrong and work with him instead of letting him lay in the playpen all day. (her parentings skills or lack thereof are a whole 'nother rant, lol)
do ya'll think i should just be mean as all heck and come right out and say "there's something wrong here?" or should i just leave well enough alone? i've dropped as many polite hints as i can, and they're just ignored. would it be completely out of line to talk to our pediatrition about it? she's a very good dr and i consider her a friend, but i don't know if that is way out of line or not. any ideas?
tia,
i'm really confused and a little distressed about my neighbor's baby, and i could really use some suggestions/advice. my neighbor, who despite a few tasteless comments, is a very nice lady who i talk to every day. when she first brought the baby home i knew something was wrong with him: he had a very very large head, low set ears, and absolutely tiny hands and feet. now i have two kids of my own and i know babies come in all shapes and sizes, but when i first saw this little guy my heart froze and i knew something was wrong. i didn't say anything then as i figured that the doctors would catch it and better she heard it from them than from me, kwim? as the little guy grew i noticed more and more things that set off warning bells in my mind. mom has nystagmus (wall-eye), and when the baby was about 2 months old i could tell that he had it as well. his eyes could not track or focus at all, they would just spin around independently of each other. somehow mom didn't seem to notice at all, so when he was about 3 months old i told her that babies can usually track or at least focus by then, and that i thought she should get him checked out. i tried to do it as kindly and gently as i could, but i still upset her, understandibly. but she took him to an eye doctor and found that yes, he did have the nystagmus, and he also has congenital cateracts. mom has chosen not to have his eyes fixed because she never got hers fixed and she thinks he'll be fine, even though she is 32 and can't see well enough to read or drive. whatever, that's her choice and i guess i have to respect it.
but he's 8 months old now, and he's so developementally behind i can barely keep my mouth shut any more. he's 8 months old and physicaly healthy and strong, but he cannot sit up, roll back to front, focus his eyes (now i know that's the nystagmus but still!) crawl, stand, ANYTHING!!! he's the equivalent of my kids at perhaps 4 months. not only can he not do age appropriate things, he also does a lot of really strange tics, like he throws his head completely back and stares at the ceiling whenever he is held, 'flys' with his back bent in a bow and his arms and legs off the floor whenever he's on his stomach, and completely collapses whenever he's stood up on his feet. mom is either dumb as a box of rocks or in massive denial, because she doesn't seem to get that anything's wrong.
you know that section in the baby books that says that babies all develop at their own pace? yeah well, she's taking that a little TOO literally!! this is her first kid and she's not around any other babies whatsoever, and since my kids did everything really early (crawled at 6 mos walked at 8 talked at 8) she tends to write them off as precocious and her baby as 'normal.' i've given her all my baby books and even gotten her a book specifically about physical therapy for developementally delayed kids, but she still doesn't get that there's any problem. by complete fluke we have the same pediatrition, but she's really bad about scheduling well babies and he hasn't been to the doctor since he was 5 months old. and when she does go, she tends to exagerate his accomplishments and downplay his delays. for example, she says he talks and is going to walk any day now, when all i've ever seen the kid do is drool and flop.
he's a precious kid who's always smiling and giggling, and i hate to see him floundering. i think he'd have a fighting chance if she would just find out what is wrong and work with him instead of letting him lay in the playpen all day. (her parentings skills or lack thereof are a whole 'nother rant, lol)
do ya'll think i should just be mean as all heck and come right out and say "there's something wrong here?" or should i just leave well enough alone? i've dropped as many polite hints as i can, and they're just ignored. would it be completely out of line to talk to our pediatrition about it? she's a very good dr and i consider her a friend, but i don't know if that is way out of line or not. any ideas?
tia,


Yikes Clarity,
This is a real tricky one! Poor baby though. Do you feel like maybe mom is mentally incapable of understanding what you are trying to say?
On one hand it is her baby, but it sounds like mom could be a hindrence to the baby's total well being. If it were me I might start out by talking to the pediatrician. She could be a real asset, unless she would be defensive that she didn't catch anything yet. I would explain to her that you would not normally try to interfere, but that you are seeing some alarming things in this baby. Tell her you don't expect her to comment on another patient but you would like her to listen to your observation and she can do what she see's fit with the information.
If that does not work, I would gently sit mom down. Tell her that you are not an expert, but that you really feel something is wrong with baby's development. Tell her you know how hard she trys and that you are not judging her, but you feel you would not be a good friend to her if you just ignored it.
If that does not work and you still feel like no one is doing anything and that baby might be in danger you are going to have to report this. I know this might be a sensitive subject for you!
(((((Hugs)))) to you the ((((((((baby)))))))) and that ((((((((mom))))))))))).
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uggh, it makes me so sad. she and her husband smoke like 2 packs a day right on top of the baby, and most of the day he lies in the crib or playpen while mom plays computer games...sigh.