Hello there!! Need some advice about unsupportive and emotionally abusive mother!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2011
Hello there!! Need some advice about unsupportive and emotionally abusive mother!
6
Sat, 11-12-2011 - 1:10am

Hi! :) My name is Sarah and I'm 31. I'm currently on mat leave from being a supply teacher. I just had twin sons in August. I love my sons and have waited years to become pregnant! I feel so blessed to have my sons! I also have a husband who finished school for RN two years ago, and is currently trying to register in Canada to nurse here. He currently works in my parents' business. I have no other children besides my sons.

Anyways, I came here for some advice after dealing with a very hard year, and an abusive, emotionally abusive mother. My mother has kids, six grandchildren. We have had a volatile relationship since I was around fifteen. I've always been closer to my father, who I have a close bond with, but it seems to be fading, when my mother interferes.

My parents financially helped my husband, by providing him a job, and I receive my maternity benefits. We are stuck in a house with my mom's name on it, and we are currently in the process of building a newer house with more room, but my parents names are on it. We do not have the best credit histories.

Anyways, my husband is amazing dad. We both have been taking care of our twin sons 24/7 since they were born. I had a C-Section. All through my pregnancy and fertility treatments, C-section, and now raising my children, I have expected my mother to come and help me with my twins. She helped every morning for the first two weeks of August, and has since laxed to coming over one day a week, and visits for an hour. She usually brings somoene with her, whether it's my father, her best friend, etc.

Basically, my parents support us financially with providing my husband with a job, but this has all come to head over the last few months. Yesterday and today, I am so hurt, ashamed, and fustrated with her actions, I just don't know what to do anymore.

Since I have come home from the hospital, it has been an ongoing battle between her, my husband, and I about the raising of our children. She disagrees with everything we do, and continously tells me how to run my life. When I was first had my babies, she wanted to let me know she didn't want anymore children after my second brother Steve and I was an accident. Then, she said she was calling FACS on us. We are great parents. My sons are thriving and

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2011
Hi Sherry. Thanks for your advice. I understand about the preference to the grandchildren. My mother prefers my niece, over my sons, and my other nephew and niece. It's actually sad, but what can we do? I think the moving away is a great idea. When I first got married, I lived an hour away from my mother and worked in Toronto. Boy, did it make a world of difference. I might consider moving back there again, or sending my sons' to private school. I'll see how it goes. Thanks so much for your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2011
Hi beth! Thanks for your advice!! I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother! One of my very best friends lost her father at 15 and her mother ar 22 to breast cancer. She went on to become a doctor, but I can see what you are saying. I wouldn't mind moving honestly. I might consider it when my sons' are four. we are currently in the process of building a new house. TY for your advice, I appreciate it. I just don't know now if the damage my mom has done can be repaired. I just don't see it happening. Thanks so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2011
Hi! Thank your for the advice! I agree he needs to find a job, but it's coming. He's an RN, and there's a job waiting for him in a few months. we just have to get through the exam etc...you know all the fun we had waiting to become teachers. Until then, I don't really have a choice. I will not consider going back to work. My sons need me for a year and I bring in my maternity paycheque, so I am entitled to stay home. My husband doesn't want to stay home anyways. Also, my dad needs his help. His business is very busy right now, and it's our only option. THank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2000

Guili and Beth have both made some valid comments and suggestions.

Sherry
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002

I don't have kids like you, but I have been at war with my mother similar to you.

Avatar for guili12737
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-1997
Hi Sarah,
That sounds like an awful situation. If I were you, I would cut ties to her as soon as possible. Your dh needs to find a job of his own, not with your parents, so you can be free of them. Even if you have to scrimp and save and live in a studio by yourselves, it would be better than being dependent on your parents. Is there anyway you would considering returning to work and have your dh be a SAH dad? Then he could quit and you could be one step closer to freeing yourself from your parents.
This seems like a very difficult situation. I wish you the best of luck.