I Like Him-The Pros and Cons

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
I Like Him-The Pros and Cons
9
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 10:51am
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 11:33am

sllllooowww it down girl! lol


Some other cons for you to consider...


Lets just say he is ALL that and you two get married (I know, way ahead of the game, but humor me) in my state your income would count towards his income and might be subject to being dispursed for child support! That happened to a girlfriend of mine. Her fiance had a child but wasn't involved but did pay child support. Low and behold they get married and they counted her income and it was higher than his and so she sued for more child support and got it!! Just something to think about w/ 3 kids hmmmmm.


Next, all the babymama stuff. I can see one (I suppose) but 2! that is a lot to me, plus a marriage. For that reason alone I would think long and hard before marrying this one.


Next, is he truly working towards those goals? Really? Is he all talk? HOw is he really going to meet them if he is at work 12 hrs per day and has 3 kdis to support? What are those goals? How long would they take YOU to do if they were yours?


And why is he living in the bad neighborhood? He sounds awfully involved and entrenched in the culture of that neighborhood. Can you accept that and live there? Would he really leave it - b/c that would mean being less of a father figure to these other kids and the community I would guess he grew up in or at the very least, feels comfortable in.


I don't know you but from your post this guy sounds like he is from a different world than you. Be sure you know what you are geting into. Take things slow and for a long time. It is easier to talk on the phone b/c you can say what you want and the person on the other end has to take it at that value...in person you have to back up what you say w/ actions, expressions, and living it. KWIM? How do you know he isn't just telling you what you want to hear....w/ an ex wife and 2 babymamas he must be a VERY VERY VERY Good talker!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 3:57pm

I like him, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Sun, 09-28-2008 - 6:32pm

Dear GT,
I would just start dating him and not worry about the long term right now. I can tell you, I lost a parent not long ago, and this is only a problem if the guy doesn't deal with it. Most people learn to live with the loss just fine. If you start dating him casually, it will soon become apparent if he has a healthy way of dealing with loss or not. As for the other stuff, I think the others will have good things to say about that...

...did I mention that I think you should see him casually? The possible payoff of a relationship is big...very big. It is an opportunity you shouldn't pass up, IMHO.

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 5:58pm

Hey, GT! I'll make my list. Let me know what you think.


1. Take your time and be observant. See if he's actually walking the walk. If he's an experienced talker/flirt/con then it might take some time to see the real guy.


2. How involved is he with the other moms? Has he always been a good dad and the association is a positive for the kids more than the adults?


3. What do others, casual observers, people in the community, his co-workers, etc. think? Your friends know him through you. His friends and family

Sherry

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 7:25pm

I totally agree. I will take it slow and I will keep everyone posted. Oh and I don't have a biological clock, because I HAVE CHOSEN NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN. *smile*


Thanks Sherry,


GT37

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 9:18pm

OK, make that psychological clock. You think everyone is passing you by while you're growing older and more set in your independent ways. You're hoping to catch the golden ring and the carousel seems like it's slowing to a stop. Don't you just love my metaphors?


Believe me I understand the child thing. My supervising teacher didn't have kids because she said her classes needed so much that she felt she couldn't do justice to home and school. She was a great teacher and the kids really loved her. That was enough for her. She knew she made a difference in a lot of lives.


I'm waiting for your next report.


Sherry

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Mon, 09-29-2008 - 9:25pm

"You think everyone is passing you by while you're growing older and more set in your independent ways." Okay, now you have hit the nail on the head. Yes, I love your metaphors.


GT37

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 3:25am

I thought I was an odd duck as a teacher who doesn't want kids. Some day, my DH and I might be foster parents or something like that, but we both carry genes for autism, so we decided not to be parents in the traditional sense. I see foster parenting as more of a way to help kids who need help.

I'm glad I'm not the only one out there...

Express!
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2007
Sun, 10-05-2008 - 11:58am

Ok breathe!!!


It sounds like he is carrying a lot of drama around but then again you aren't about to run to Vegas and get married right now.

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