It has begun - at least made it 3 wks...
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|Sat, 08-12-2006 - 1:29pm|
Edited rant (maybe this should go w/the "depression" discussion earlier!!): They pulled my aide the last two days - all day. So, I get to spend MY time grading 3 classes worth of math papers for the last couple days before I can post grades & then making up next Friday's tests. Will be working the rest of this weekend to get caught up. If I can work myself up to getting started...
My aide very graciously offered to take papers home & grade so I wouldn't get behind, but then I wouldn't be able to get the grades to enter in the computer program (I'm still having a slight bit of trouble adjusting to & learning the in's & out's of) & would be behind w/Monday morning grade checks. And, she doesn't get paid for that anyway - not that I do either, but... It was nice that she even made the offer. I was getting very used to having her help - not only w/paperwork, but w/one-on-one w/the kids. I have such a large # that really need to be constantly prodded to just stay on task - that's why they're C track - not because they can't do the work, they basically just don't want to, so don't! Then there are those who really do need the slower pace just to let the lesson sink in & make sense w/the added time to practice w/help - those are the ones I really feel I'm teaching to. When it's just me - it's very difficult to be able to do much one-on-one even w/the smaller class size of 20 - especially when each class seems to have at least one that very loudly craves as much one-on-one (do-it-for-me mentality) as they can possibly get w/o giving thought to classmates. Anyway. It appears the regular aide for the self-contained is getting ready to leave & didn't show for half of last week. The position was offered to my aide & she has told the Principal that she wants to stay w/me. But it really isn't our choice in the end - so we shall see what comes w/next week!
If you haven't noticed - I'm having a hard time just getting motivated to get started - so now that I've gotten myself as far as my desk & am working up to it - I'll finish this rant/catch-up post & attack it w/a vengeance. It will get done, just as the rest of my weekend chores have - one thing at a time! I've set my priorities & whittled away at them w/the nagging tiredness that seems to come w/this job. I did sleep in this morning a bit more rested than the last few days (woke up about 4am to barking dogs, took an Alka Seltzer for a nagging sinus drip throat & made it to 8:30). So far the never-ending laundry (w/S16 in the house) is done, got the fresh stuff at the grocery, & got the water set on the lawn (that I got DH to mow most of a few days back after putting that off for almost 3 wks - in the triple digits it tends to get quite dry doing it this way - not good, I know!).
DH just doesn't seem to really understand that what I'm going thru is the pretty predictable part of the teaching profession (which is exactly why I don't see myself sticking w/it in the form of being a f/t classroom teacher)... When I remind him of that, he can't quite discern why I'm putting myself thru this part of it when I don't intend to stick w/it either... To me it makes sense enuf, I'm so close to giving myself future protection & other options, after next May. --But then I've always been pretty good at rationalizing the whys to myself. Most people who work f/t time at demanding jobs are pretty wiped most of the time especially when the job follows them home & usurps their life. I think he's just gotten used to me (just as I have, to tell the truth) being the one that does the major dealing w/everything in our life w/o the additional demands of any f/t job (forget a particularly demanding one) for most of the past 10 years now.
I'm basically tired all the time, never have enuf time to do anything - especially if it's not part of the teaching job & just can never seem to get caught up. This weekend DH mentioned his concern that I come home most every nite & have a glass of wine or a beer... I enjoy one maybe two- but I personally don't want to deal w/the realities of drinking too much. I need to be able to get a good nite's sleep to just make it thru the day on a positive note w/roomfuls of pre-adolescents; not give myself headaches (which any more than 1 or two alcoholic beverages give me), etc... He & I both know the realities of drinking problems (my 1st H & his Dad both are/were alcoholics). It kind of surprises me that he mentions that particular concern to me as I've always enjoyed a cold beer, or a glass of wine - & certainly don't feel I have a problem or am using it as any kind of a crutch. This job just takes a lot out of me because I put a lot into it. Just as I put a lot into anything I do because I'm an overachiever - when I do anything, I try to do it the best I can. The problem w/teaching is that no matter how much you do or how well you do it, there are those who are always trying to get "more & better" out of you - what you give is never enuf... I know that, I know me, that's why this is temporary & I will find a way to make it work where I can have the best of both worlds - the good things I like about teaching, and the ability to have my own life on my terms at the same time. I just haven't gotten there yet...
In the meantime, I have to go to work. Catch ya all later -have a great week!
Edited 8/13/2006 3:25 pm ET by auntjo_gramajo