Wishing I could change my username cause I'M NOT A TEACHER!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Wishing I could change my username cause I'M NOT A TEACHER!
5
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 3:23pm

Its time to let it all go before I actually cause myself some real harm. 12 years and 6 schools to boot, I'm not a teacher anymore. What I am is an aide. I am substandard and not competitive enough to get a job in this new fangled world we live in.

I'm a 20th century person trying to make it in a 21st century world and no matter how much I learn or update myself, its not worth it. Of course there will be no complete happiness in another profession cause whereever I go, there I am, but I've been kicked around for years and finally now, KICKED OUT.

I've hit my limit and frankly dont know what to do anymore. Maybe I'll come back to it after I've gained some skills. Maybe I'll move to another state and be one there. But I need to move on. I have to finally let it go. Its going to be hard and very difficult, but the writing is on the wall. I've wanted out for years, been on this board for years and even when I finally found a place where I thought I belonged, I was removed. So, its time, time to do something different at least for a little while.

I need peace and I need it now. I have to have it. I may still tutor but teach in a classroom. Not in my immediate future. This is what a down economy can do to a person's spirit. The longer you're out of something, the more no one wants to let you back in.

Thanks ladies. I'm stil gonna work my AIDE job until I find my new direction. But once I get back to work, wont post as much so say what you want. I understand and yes I'm getting help cause I'm in a very bad place emotionally. Which is not good for me to be around kids at all but hey, I'm just an aide, I'M NOT THE TEACHER.

RUTH

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002

I'm truly sorry you're in such a bad place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
Yeah I had hope for a long time and well maybe I'll have it again, for now I just have time. And life. Oh well.

Ruth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2000

I do think you need time away. During my time out of the classroom

Sherry
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002

Sherry, it looks like you and I recognized something about the nature of power at about the same time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003

Thanks Sherry,

I just wanted to give back. I just wanted to make a difference and now I feel like 12 years of my life has been stolen. Or I gave them up freely.

My mother said, Oh you're just paying your dues there, it'll happen. I say to that. I've paid these dues. I've paid them in SPADES. I shouldnt have to pay them again and again and again.

I've identified so long with being a teacher and everyone who has seen me in action, she's so great. Heck I even get let go with the, "you're a great teacher' we're just going in a new direction.

Put me in situations designed for me to fail and when I do, its all my fault. I watch people way more inept keep a job and me, on unemployment every few years. Guy at my last place in Detroit is having sex with several staff members and the boss knows it. He's not certified and was also sleeping with a parent. The boss knows it.

Yet I was laid off due to budget cuts. Anyway, I applied to be a dog trainer at Petco today. I'm hoping they call. Its a part time gig, but if I get that and with my regular job, I'll be fine financially.

Maybe its just time to focus on something else. Another part of my issue is that I didnt follow my real dream. I wanted to be a singer. Yeah its a long shot, but its the only thing I ever really wanted to be. But I chose teaching instead, thought I'd make a difference and I love learning.....what at joke.

So now my new love is dogs. The puppies seem to love me and I love kissing. I am gonna take some classes, but for things I've always wanted to do, sign language, i'd really love to be an interpreter.

Its time for a change. Maybe I'll get a job teaching again, who knows. I got on the sub list but turned it down because, aides get medical benefits and I'm too old to be without it. It would have been more money, but who cares if I get sick and cant go to the doctor.

I think the most embarrassing thing is how many people give me the dumbest look when I say I cant find a teaching job. They ask all these questions and then when I answer, yep I did that, they just stare blankly.

Or people with support and help which I dont have, tell me I'm not looking hard enough. Let the complete bottom fall out of your life and then see how smug you are.

My weight gain, my up and down bouts of depression, my age, its all messing with my mind. I could always take care of myself the way i wanted to take care of myself and now, I dont know.

Anyway, I love you guys so much. Thanks for listening and yes I know that there are powers in this world who design the game for certain people to fail and stay stagnant in