Non-compliant 19 year old

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2011
Non-compliant 19 year old
2
Thu, 07-14-2011 - 9:05pm
I would like to hear from parents that have dealt with a young-adult son or daughter (over 18) that refuses to follow any rules whatsoever. I am looking for options other than "throw them out" as I have tried this and it put us in an impossible situation. I am talking about ignoring any curfews and staying out all night, smoking pot, hanging out with the wrong people, getting a tattoo, numerous speeding tickets, chronic lying, not helping at all around the house, super messy, doesn't take care of her car, won't pay for car, insurance, etc., stealing money...I think that covers most of it!! Except she is causing constant drama in our home and making my two younger children resent her. The only option I have found is to throw her out, as she is a legal adult and won't do anything unless she wants to. I need some real advice....what have others done in this situation??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Fri, 07-15-2011 - 10:41am
Welcome to the board. I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time with your daughter.

Since she's over 18 and considered an adult, she should have responsibilities if she's living in your home. Does she have a job or go to school? Does she have access to a family vehicle? If she does, I would take that away if she doesn't want to contribute. I had to pay for my car, gas, and insurance when I was 18. I would probably start charging her rent, too.

You might want to pop in over on the Parents of Teens board. There are several ladies over there who may be able to offer you some advice. Here's the link to the board: http://forums.ivillage.com/ivillage/?category.id=iv-psteens

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Sun, 07-24-2011 - 11:01pm

Hi, I'm sorry to hear this. Seeing as my brother has the majority of the same problems... my family recently admitted him to the hospital for disobedience. They kept him & monitored him all day long. They also took away all forms of the outside world from him (cell phone, car, computer...) He seems to be straightening up a bit. Throwing her out is always an option, however that could VERY WELL backfire on you & she may end up in jail or some sort of very serious trouble. Hope this helps!