New...And so so lost.
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|Sun, 12-20-2009 - 2:52am|
Hey. So like my title says, I'm new, and yes very much lost. Sorry if this is long, I just need to talk and get advice.
I am 18. My S.O. is 26. He desperately wants kids, everyone knows that. Two months ago I had a miscarriage, and it killed us. His ex had an ectopic pregnancy, so that was the second time he went through losing a baby, making it even harder for him. I want kids too. Two months ago, I was SO ready. I couldn't be more excited about the baby!
Now I am currently 6 weeks pregnant. I am miserable. I'm depressed and unhappy. I'm not ready. I don't want this baby. I can't even fake happiness about it. He knows something is wrong, but he doesn't know what. I don't know how to tell him. How do I explain that I spend my time wishing I wasn't pregnant? Hating almost every minute of it? How do I explain that two months ago I was ECSTATIC and now I don't want a baby at all? I know I want kids eventually. There is no doubt about that...I'm just not ready...and I don't even know why.
I spend my time wishing I would have a miscarriage again so that I don't have to do this. I know that if I get an abortion he'll leave me, which is honestly the only thing keeping me from it. I feel like such a horrible person letting these feelings out... I don't feel like I should even voice them.... I'm sorry if you guys think badly of me, I really hope you don't. I just don't know where else to turn.