New...And so so lost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
New...And so so lost.
6
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 2:52am

Hey. So like my title says, I'm new, and yes very much lost. Sorry if this is long, I just need to talk and get advice.

I am 18. My S.O. is 26. He desperately wants kids, everyone knows that. Two months ago I had a miscarriage, and it killed us. His ex had an ectopic pregnancy, so that was the second time he went through losing a baby, making it even harder for him. I want kids too. Two months ago, I was SO ready. I couldn't be more excited about the baby!

Now I am currently 6 weeks pregnant. I am miserable. I'm depressed and unhappy. I'm not ready. I don't want this baby. I can't even fake happiness about it. He knows something is wrong, but he doesn't know what. I don't know how to tell him. How do I explain that I spend my time wishing I wasn't pregnant? Hating almost every minute of it? How do I explain that two months ago I was ECSTATIC and now I don't want a baby at all? I know I want kids eventually. There is no doubt about that...I'm just not ready...and I don't even know why.

I spend my time wishing I would have a miscarriage again so that I don't have to do this. I know that if I get an abortion he'll leave me, which is honestly the only thing keeping me from it. I feel like such a horrible person letting these feelings out... I don't feel like I should even voice them.... I'm sorry if you guys think badly of me, I really hope you don't. I just don't know where else to turn.

Help? =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2008
Sun, 12-20-2009 - 5:46pm

hey my name is Christie im 18 and i have a 10 month old son name Alex :)

what changed your mind all of a sudden? im sorry your going through this and i hope things get better and you make the right decision.







>

BF


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Mon, 12-21-2009 - 7:18am
you should just talk to him and tell him how you feel, your in a relationship together, and wanting kids together than you at least have to be able to tell him the truth, and keep the relationship as honest as possible.
maybe you're going through some depression issues making you not want the baby all of a sudden?
you could talk to your doctor about how you feel, and maybe they have some better advice?
btw, i'm Shea(16) mommy to Alysha whos 15 months now:)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
Wed, 12-23-2009 - 1:28am

Hi Shea and Christie. Thank you guys for your reply and being non-judgmental. I know this is more a place for teens who are already moms, but I didn't know where else to turn.

We talked about it, and I was surprised to find that his excitement was mostly an act to keep me from freaking out. We both want children, but we both agree that we aren't ready as individuals and as a couple. We aren't ready for a number of reasons, a few of them being: We don't have the money (We can barely afford rent...and we can't even keep ourselves fed. We are just starting out!), we haven't been together long enough, our lives have both been turned upside down and flipped inside out in the past three months. Those are just a few of the things we have talked about, and we feel it's unfair to bring another child into the world when we can't give them the best life possible. Especially when we know that someday, we will be able to give our children everything they need, and then some! We have decided to abort this baby, and use it as a (very hard) learning experience. I know that a lot of you won't agree with this, but thank you to those who were/are supportive. =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2009
Sat, 12-26-2009 - 10:17pm
Hi I just wanted to offer you some comfort in your decsion i know it is hard i have been there and wish you the best you will get through this and i know you will be a great parent when you are ready to do so it is a big responsibility and it comes with many sacrifices but you will make it through this . I wish you well
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2005
Sun, 12-27-2009 - 12:58am

I was almost a teen mom. My name is Lacey, I'm 24, married and the mommy to a 1 yr old.

I got pregnant at 15. Went ahead and had an abortion. The father was 18 and wouldn't get a job to support us, and my parents were really not supportive.

Make sure you have a good support system for recovery. I never got to talk to anyone, my parents didn't believe in it. This is the first year in almost 10 years that the date of my abortion came and went without me thinking of it. When you are ready for children, they will be a HUGE blessing to you.

Good luck and let me know if you need someone to talk to.

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thanks to magicalluv for the GREAT siggy!!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2009
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 11:33pm

Wow...Things...are out of control.

I said that I found out his excitment was an act to keep me calm. Haha...I'm stupid.

I had my abortion on the 20th. The whole time my head was screaming "Stop! I can't do it!" but I made my lips stay silent. We went through with it.

Today, I find out he told me he wasn't ready so that I felt supported in "my" decision of an abortion. It killed me.

We have been doing really good, being really strong. Almost no tears. Today we both broke down and cried for hours. We talked and cried and it felt really good. We finally felt close again, like a couple, which hasn't happened since we found out I was pregnant.

At the clinic we found out that our baby was under-developed. They wouldn't give us any details. So when we got home, we of course researched it. At around five weeks I started spotting some, and on New Years I had a crippling pain. We both knew something wasn't right, but we wouldn't admit it. We then found out that our baby died at five weeks along. I was eleven weeks along when we went ahead with the abortion. It was called a "Missed Miscarriage." The baby dies, but your body doesn't realize it, and continues like nothing is wrong. The fact that I still FELT pregnant confused me. I was bleeding by this point but still pregnant. After researching it, we now understand. That made us feel a lot better about our decision, and it really helped us in accepting that we ended our pregnancy.

I had a miscarriage in October. I didn't know then that I was Rh Negative, so I let my body do it naturally and never went to the doctor. I do blame myself for the early death of this baby, because my body rejected it because of my blood. That makes things a little harder again.

I have an ultra-sound picture of our baby. She is only five weeks developed, just starting to form arm buds, but I still know that it was my baby. It is hard knowing she died so long ago and we never knew, until now.

We both miss our baby, and we both wish that things had been different. But we are already learning to accept it, and move on. We will never get over it, but I'm hoping with time, we can get past it.

Thank you guys, for all your support. It really helped me/us in our decision. It was the toughest thing I have ever had to go through. But we are talking about how, someday, we will have a baby. And that baby will be planned, and we will be ready. I can't wait for the future