Arguing and talking back

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Arguing and talking back
19
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 10:52am

We are having a heck of time with Grace arguing and talking back right now.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 11:03am

Well....Emma went through this along with not keeping her hands to herself at the beginning of the sumer. Maybe you remember my post on when she bit me and I cleared her room out and put her in the for an hour.lol...a little extreme but needed more for me to cool off then for her. After that I just put her in her room everytime she did it. It was a huge pain in the bum too cause I had to take her to her room and hold the door shut for 3 minutes..still do. It only took a couple days and she caught on. Things have been a lot easier since then minus the odd day.


Anyhow...you're not lucky, lol. Good luck that it stops soon.


emma1.jpg picture by canadianmom85
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2005
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 11:36am

I am sorry you are going through this. We do from time to time as well. What we have had to do is force the time out issue and what works for us is that we set a timer and he tell him he has to stay in time out quietly until the timer goes off and then we can talk about it. Each time he moves or makes noise/talks we tell him we are starting the timer over at three or four minutes. This sometimes works as he will go in stages of what works and what doesn't. I try to vary the consequence a bit as it seems to have more value on some days than others.

Another suggestion would be to find something of value to her and tell her that the way she is talking in unacceptable, yada yada yada and if she does it ONE MORE TIME she will lose whatever that is (sometimes it is movie watching privilege before bed and others it is taking a toy away if that is appropriate). The thing with this is that you have to be willing to follow through completely and immediately. One time N was throwing his ball in the house and I told him if he did it again it was going in the trash... he did and he had to throw it in the trash.. to this day he talks about the trash man coming to get his ball.

Lastly, have you tried talking to her about YOUR feelings when she talks like that? Noah gets very upset when he sees us sad or upset so after things have calmed down and we have moved on we will often tell him how it makes US feel when he is not nice or whatever and he seems to understand.

I don't think you are 'lucky' I think that they are pushing limits and testing boundries right now. For us the biggest issue is that N is dealing with emotions (anger, sadness, disappointment) that he is not so used to and doesn't know how to express...

Good luck.. hope you find something that works as that is NEVER fun!




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 12:26pm
DH gets more talking back than I do, but I think it has more to do with the fact that they both like yelling. I tend to talk things out, and everything stays a lot calmer, and I have more success with DS getting back on track.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 6:42pm

Vincent started this around this age, and now Kenniston is too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 9:25pm

Hi Lori

WOW Ditto to everything Tara said! We do a time out, and he CANNOT get up until he calms down. There are times I ask him, "Did you calm down yet?" and he yells "NO!" to which I say, well then you stay in the naughty corner until you calm down and learn how to talk nice to Mommy - or whatever it is that put him in the corner. Joe doesnt hit people more than THINGS when he is mad - hits or kicks the wall - throws a toy - so he knows that is not appropriate behavior AT ALL and knows he will go in the corner. If the corner isnt working, then he gets something taken away. I know what works with him, and I use it when I have to. Usually the TV goes off - another one is him sitting in the middle of his bed and not moving till I say so. I have also thrown away a toy that was thrown across the room. I agree with Tara - to this DAY he still mentions the fact that his truck went into the garbage. We stick with punishments too - if I tell him he is not going out to play after nap if he does "such and such" again and he does it (after FAIR warning) he DOESNT go out. Period. He will ask me a million times and I remind him why, and tell him I know he will do better next time, but today he is not going because he didnt listen to Mommy.

Lots of times he will tell me (from the corner) "Mommy I calmed down and I am ready to get up now" - or "Im ready to listen" then we sit and have a good chat about what happened, WHY I put him in the corner, etc etc etc. and I tell him I know he is a good boy and he will do better next time. ITA with Tara regarding me or DH getting upset - this upsets Joe and he will ask me "are you mad?" or "you cant get upset, Mommy"

Luckily he is a pretty level headed kid - he really only loses it when he is tired or hungry - so I do try to avoid those 2 scenarios, but he does still have his moments of just being 3!

I know its frustrating - but stick to whatever you are doing - even if you think its NOT working - it is, they just have pretty strong wills at this age and love to test you. Hang in there !

Rach

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 9:28pm

Oh one more thing Ive learned that helps a LOT

You cannot get her emotions under control if yours are not. Lots of times even when Joe is flippin out I remain as calm as I can (if I feel like Im about to lose my patience I walk away from him). I notice that if I lose it and he sees me get upset or angry, it escalates him being upset and angry. Im not saying you have to be all "OK sweetheart" on her when she is acting out, but calmly tell her she is NOT getting that toy back, or she is NOT going to watch that movie (or whatever). How you act is definitely a direct reflection of how they react.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 12:01am
OMG Aidan is doing this too! I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but suddenly *everything* is up for debate in his eyes. I hope I can get some advice, too. I've just been arguing back, which I realize probably isn't the best response, lol.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 2:40pm
I have been sending Grace to her room, usually as a last resort (ie. she's already had time outs and the behaviour continues) but she FREAKS when I put her in there.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 2:54pm

Tara, you raised a good point about the time outs.

 


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 3:34pm
Thanks Kelly!

 


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