Oh big hugs to you.
I have found that when I let Jacque help with doing her own hair its easier. I sit her in front of the mirror with a little comb to comb her bangs. Then that way she feels like she is helping. Not sure if that would work with Lilly but its worth a try
She has such pretty hair.
Have you tried doing it in front of the tv to distract her? I remember struggling with Jane with this for a long time too. Has she had it trimmed recently? I know bad ends tangle worse than fresh cut ones. Would she let you loose braid it for bed so it doesn't tangle so much at night? Good luck.
I have been having hair battles w/ Sammie too. And she has had long hair since she was tiny, and has never complained until now. I agree w/ you that it's a control/power issue.
Maybe just get Lily ready except hair, then get her in her carseat and brush her hair when she's buckled in? I don't know, maybe then she'd refuse to get in the car.
Oh, and I have Super Double Bad Time Out now since regular time out isn't the horrible sentence it used to be... for those really, really naughty times, I make them stand -- not sit -- in the corner with their face to the wall. They hate it, and it's been working as another deterrent/punishment.