Strong willed AD getting in trouble

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Strong willed AD getting in trouble
4
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 3:27pm
Hi! I was reading the other thread and jealous remembering how easy it was to punish my ds when he got in trouble, which was hardly ever. Now with my strong willed AD, I cannot get her to sit in time-out. She doesn't care when you tell her something is not nice, just makes her act up more!!! She sticks her tongue out too. I can't handle her and her back talk!!! She will not sit, not apologize to her brother when she torments him. Always wants whatever toy he has and throws fits when he gets it not her. I do not give in to her fits, I just step over her and go on with whatever I am doing. She gets plenty of attention when she is being nice and sharing, but I do not know how to punish her. I took a doll away because she was not being nice and she threw a fit for 2 hours!!! The days are getting better, a lot less tantrums, but she can be sassy and nothing works with her! any ideas?!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-1999
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 6:21pm

I posted below in a thread called "parenting philosophies" and mentioned a book with an approach that might work well for you. The book is called Discipline Without Distress. Another good author that you may want to look into is Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and her book about raising Spirited Children. Your DD sounds like one that will take a lot of creative parenting. One thing I have found that works well with Joey is focusing on what I want him to do instead of telling him no all the time and telling him to stop this and don't do that. I've also try to remind him what I would like him to say instead of telling him what not to say. It does seem to work slowly but surely.

You might want to recruit your DS to help you out. There are little things he can do that might go a long way. If he has something she wants, he can start to act interested in something else and when she wants the other thing he can let her have that instead. Tell him to avoid flaunting something in front of her that he isn't willing to share. I have been working with my older two with some of these concepts and its been going well.

One more thing I learned from a friend recently is when your child is refusing to do something that is not optional, the phrase "let me know when you are ready..." seems to work well for some reason. I think it is because they feel like they are in control.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2007
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 2:56pm

I am experiencing a lot of the same stuff you've mentioned. My duckling is quite stubborn and has a mind of her own. She wants things her way. My daughter had been sticking out her tongue a lot, too. Time out didn't matter, she'd just stick it out again because she had to be in time out. Sometimes she'd try the excuse of she was just licking her lips (so obviously not)

A couple things that have worked for us: moved time out to her bed, taking away all dolls, blankets, etc. And she must stay on the bed; she has a ton of princess stuff, so every time she sticks out her tongue, I take one princess thing away. I start with smaller things like books. So far I've only taken away three things and the tongue issue is much better.

Hope this helps. I felt better just knowing it wasn't only my child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 4:34pm
I wish those thing would work for my dd. She only gets more defiant. She is still in her crib and loving it so I do not want to put her in a toddler bed because I know she will get out a million times if she had the opportunity. My ds was in his crib until just past his 4th bday because we were in the middle of getting our redone because of dd and he never minded. He actually still will not get out of his bed unless someone comes and gets him and he is 6!! He has used the bathroom and then went right back to his bed to wait for someone to come to his room. He also plays quietly and waits so Taylor does the same when she wakes up. Never calls us either. Sorry, went off topic a little.
Anyway, she won't stay in time out and if you tell her something it doesn't really phase her. I am reading a book that is about the spirited toddler and has a 5 week program to get them to listen. I am on week one for the past few weeks in which you have to attend to toddler and verbalize what they are doing. Like "you are making dinner for your dolls again." She will answer "making them pizza or peas." We'll see how this goes, but she drives me crazy!!! That is why I am not having a third. My first was so easy and Taylor is so difficult.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2006
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 9:10pm

I'm sorry Taylor is being such a challenge. My oldest sounds similar to Taylor. I was just thinking today about looking into some sort of new discipline strategy because it only seems like it will be getting worse.I've heard so many say that it's terrible threes not terrible twos, I think they're right!

I talked to a friend who is a behaviorist and she reminded me that when I act stressed out by him it makes his behavior worse. She basically told me to kinda shake it off and tell myself over and over that it's just the behavior, not my son, that is "bad" and that all behavior (good and bad) is looking to be fed so that it can grow... into something better or worse. I am trying hard to kind of appear to my son to have a neutral attitude when I discipline him because getting upset with him "feeds" his behavior more. Anyways, I'm rambling but my goal this week is to not let my son know what he does upsets me! I have to get on my game face. Oh, and my friend was also telling me that more then likely things get worse before they get better. The reason she is acting more defiant when she is disciplined is because she is testing the limits and seeing how far you will take this time-out/punishment thing before you get tired!

Good luck, discipline and the best method for our family has been consuming my thoughts lately. I feel for you...it makes me feel like a bad mom because I can't even control my own kid :(


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