Absolutley terrified!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Absolutley terrified!!!!
3
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 11:59pm
Guys...I'm so scared. I'm 25, college-educated, and unmarried. My period has NEVER been regular. I've tried literally 15 different kinds of bc pills over the past 8 or 9 years, but I've been unable to tolerate any of them (ridiculously bad side effects). My period sometimes comes in three weeks, sometimes in four weeks, sometimes in five weeks. If I change my eating or exercise habits, sometimes a get two periods in one month. It's incredibly aggravating. But, even though my cycle is so inconsistent, one thing seems to remain the same. When my period is coming, I get a slight discharge, then three days later the actual period comes. I usually only cramp when the actual period comes, and my cramps tend to be severe. My last period started around Aug 10th. Now, normally, I would not be alarmed at all that it is now Sept. 16th and still no period. That is perfectly normal for me. Why am I concerned? Well, I had what I thought was my normal "three day warning discharge" almost a week ago. Still no actual period. Plus, instead of having my normal severe cramps, I'm having fluttery, tingly cramps that just feel plain weird. I took a HPT two days ago, with a negative result. Am I pregnant?

I've actually been pregnant before. When I was 22, I was engaged to a guy I had been dating for 7 years. We were going through horrible problems (he was bipolar and abusive), plus it was around Christmas AND finals AND three of my older relatives died within days of each other. I had a miscarriage without even knowing I was pregnant. I remember that I had had morning sickness, but I had just begun a new package of bc pills (bc pills always gave me morning sickness). Because of all the drama, I don't really remember how my body felt. The miscarriage was a total surprise.

Like I said, I'm 25 and unmarried. I have a degree and work in a lab making chicken scratch. I live paycheck to paycheck and have no money in the bank. I've been in a monogamous relationship for 7 months. We really care about each other but have yet to say the "L word." I am actaully head over heels in love with this guy, but he was hurt very badly in his last relationship and has requested that we move very slowly. I've met his parents on a couple of occasions, but he still hasn't taken me over to their house for dinner or anything. I have no problem with this, because I think he's worth the wait, and I definitely can identify with him being hurt so badly he needs to protect himself.

But I'm terrified. When I had my miscarriage, my fiancee flipped out and dumped me. If I really am pregnant, I'm so scared this guy is going to do the same. I know he isn't ready for this...hell, I'm not ready for this! I was hoping to have a few more years of reckless youthful abandon before I had insta-family. Actaully, this guy is incredibly wonderful, and I can't actually imagine him flipping out the way my ex did...but I can't be sure that he's going to be all smiles and support either. I'm so confused. This just isn't the way I pictured my life at 25.

Any advice anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated. Maybe I'm totally jumping the gun, and I'm not actually pregnant. But I'm not going lie...I feel WEIRD. I've had plenty of crazy periods and funny discharges and god-awful cramps. But NOTHING has ever felt THIS weird. That's why I'm so convinced. When should I test again? Should I just go ahead and make a doctor's appointment?

Thanks guys!

Sherry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 9:50am
First off, YES I would schedule a doctor's appointment. Next, if your appointment is not within a few days, I would test again in about a week. It could even be that you have a very short luteal phase (time between ovulation and your period), and that's what your discharge before your period is. If that's the case, you may have ovulated about a week ago, and by next week (around 14 days after the discharge), you should get a correct result one way or the other on a pregnancy test. In the meantime, just try to relax (yeah, right!) since anxiety can delay your period even more. If you find out next week that you are pregnant, that's when you can start thinking of how to break the news to your boyfriend. You may be surprised! You can't compare him to past loves; if he loves you, he'll stick by you! Good luck, Aubrey;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 12:35pm
I agree, I would definitely make a doctor's appointment and find out for sure before totally flipping out! Sometimes we don't plan things in life, but they could end up being the best thing that ever happens to us! My thought is that things happen for a reason. I know that's probably not comforting right now. But I understand some of what you are going through. My husband and I just celebrated our first anniversary and now I think I'm pregnant. We totally want kids, but it really wasn't in the "plans" yet, plus like you, we live paycheck to paycheck and actually are going to be going through bankruptcy soon. I still think that we can make it work! It's up to you (and your boyfriend) what you choose to do. And if you really do love eachother, you can make it work! If you do think that you are, then you should tell him, regardless of what happened in the past! My thought is that if he freaks out and leaves you, then he doesn't deserve to be with you and you can find someone better and figure out in the meantime what you want to do about the pregnancy.

You may even want to tell him now so that you can go through this together. You are obviously scared and freaked, so why shouldn't you be able to confide in him, because he is part of this also, whether he likes it or not! You didn't do this by yourself!!! Then you two can discuss your feelings, what you think/want to do about it, etc. I don't think (especially if he really loves you) that he will totally panic and feel "trapped" if he sees that you are just as scared about it...it's not like you did this on purpose or anything! It's up to you how you handle it, but I just thought that I could maybe just say a couple words that would possibly help you out! Keep me posted! Good luck! Like my mom always tells me when I'm freaking out about things "things always have a way of working out!" I didn't believe her in the past, but I've seen it happen! Just have faith that everything will work out!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 4:03pm
I would wait a few days and test again. I'm at the same point right now. I have very irregular menstrual cycles but have not really attended to the dates recently because my husband had vasectomy. I am the mother of a 7 year old boy, a little girl who just turned 5, and a 18 month old. I took a pregnancy test and obtained a negative result but I feel pregnant. Having been through it several times in the past, I am aware of the feelings. I'm going to wait a few days and retest but waiting is torture. Did I mention that i am a graduate student and my husband recently went back to school? Not to mention that I babysit a 4 month old to help pay the bills.