hurting...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
hurting...
10
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 3:36am
I have a lot of symptoms of being pregnant but so far no positive test (I'm taking a second one tomorrow)...the thing is, I left everyone I knew and loved to be with my husband, now that we are married, he doesn't treat me as well. He doesn't treat me badly, phsyically but emotionally things have been rough. Maybe because I am more sensitive because of hormonal changes, I don't know. But what gets me is that if I am not pregnant, I don't know how I will go on. This possible baby is all I have left that I feel loves me no matter what, it is what I have to plan for and take care of to the best of my ability and if all that is taken away, I don't know how I will cope. Just the thought of it hurts like crazy. I want this baby more then anything just because I want someone who loves me and who I can pour myself into, to do everything possible to make sure they have the best of everything. I don't know if any of this makes sense, maybe I just need to vent anyways but if you have any advice or have/had the same feelings please respond.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 10:15am
i kind of know what you mean....my family doesn't really know about my BF/Fiance (mother & father) ans they definitely don't know that i might be PG....see. i'm 21....still live at home until me and BF can move out the end of this yr or begin. of next....he's a very good guy to me...but we have our share of problems....i think that although the baby thing may be somewhat of bad timing, it will bring us the joy we need to stay together....if i am PG my family will no doubt feel like i've turned my back on them....but this is for me....i'm ready to start my own.....so i know what you mean about putting everyone else aside for your husband.....but if he's emotionally abusing you then that's another issue....you don't deserve that....and if you're PG, then hormones can cause you to be extra sensitive to a lot of things emotionally....

when are the dates of LMP and when did you "o"?

do you think your husband will be happy about having a baby?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 1:50pm
Sorry I don't know all the lingo...I'm not sure what LMP and O are...I know he's not happy about the possiblity of a baby. He's talked about getting rid of it; I definately won't let that happen though. I'm starting to worry that I may have married the wrong man, maybe I should have at least waited till I was older. Here I am, 17, married and possibly pregnant and I am scared to death with no one to turn to. This baby, if it is real, is all I have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 4:55pm
sorry....i had to get use to that language too....LMP is Last Menstrual Period...."O" is Ovulated....

You are very young....and having a baby at your age is going to be hard on you if you are PG....but he's not going to make it any easier if he's already suggesting that you "get rid of it"....i don't like when guys try to force decisions on you especially about the life of a child....

i know you're scared no doubt...i'm sacred myself....but i know you may feel even lonlier because you don't think you have anyone to turn to....i can make a suggestion....only a suggestion now....how about going to your family and seeing if you can get the support that you need....do you think they would take you under their wings despite you turning your back (in your eyes) on them....you need someone on your side right now....and unfortunately, it's not your husband....

about marrying too young...i won't comment on that because we all have our personal opinions....maybe you just didn't know him as well as you thought that's all....

keep me posted though...i want to make sure you're at least doing ok...

****big hug*****

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 5:19pm
I'm somewhat in the boat as you. Just that I don't know how to tell my BF if I am PG. I felt that I am. But who knows It's just that he already has a two-year old, and he said that he doesn't want anymore. Aside from that our relationship is complicated. In some ways I hope that I am and I know I'm ready and able to take care of my baby. I just don't know how to tell him or my famly. But as for now, it's just a possibilty ....
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 6:47pm
It sounds to me like you really need to get help. It doesn't sound like your husband is very supportive, of anything, let alone a baby. But a baby shouldn't be brought into the world to make you happy, it should be brought here because you are in a loving relationship and you feel that you have a lot to offer your baby. If you are pg then its a little late, but I would suggest calling your parents or another person you trust and letting them know what you are going through. Just because you might have made a mistake at 17 doesn't mean you have to be in a bad situation for your whole life. Everyone makes bad choices, its what we do when we realize it that makes us who we are. Good luck to you, I would seriously suggest getting help, emotional abuse is just as devastating as physical and it won't do your baby in good to be that environment either. See if your husband will go to couseling with you, go see your clergy, whatever, just get help. These things have a way of progressing, it wont get better on its own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 10:09pm
Wow-

Oh my goodness you have a heavy load. I found myself in a very similar situation. My husband and I were having problems. We had a 3 year old and we ended up pg w/ our second.I was sooooo happy to be pg again. It gave me something to hold onto . I was distracting myself from the real issues in my marriage and my life. I lost that baby at 8 weeks. I was beside myself. The loss was terrible and I was broken from it. I had used the baby as a substitute for the love I should have been getting from my husband. That baby was everything to me. In retrospect, that is a lot of responsibility to put on someone that wasn't even born yet-to be the fix for all of my problems, to be the one that I could give everything to. I used that baby to ignore all of my problems(lonliness, sadness)

My husband and I ended up divorcing-when I had to look at the state of our marriage and the fact that he wasn't willing to devote himself to it, me or our son, I left. I am much happier now and remarried to a wonderful man who loves me without question and is good to me and his stepson. My point is this:don't distract your self from what the real issues are. If your marriage is strained please do not bring a baby into it-solve your problems first and decide if you are going to stay together.

I will say prayers for you-I have been there.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2003
Sat, 10-18-2003 - 10:16pm
Sweetie,

You are married to a jerk(in my opinion)> How can you respect someone that would ask you to get rid of your baby? If you are indeed pregnant, that is a blessing. He is asking you to kill your blessing? You did not pick the right man. You picked a boy-a selfish one at that.

Please go home to your parents. They love you and know you made a mistake and will take you back. They want you to be allright and you won't be if this is how he is treating you. How old is he? Please , if you cannot talk to your parents, please find a minister,priest,rabbi and explain the situation. They will help you.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 12:48am
Thank you everyone for your replies, they were comforting. I can't really go back to my family. They live in another state and I don't have the money to get back. The situation back there is even worse anyways, my step-father is abusive physically, emotionally and verbally.

Things have been going a lot better with my husband, I've gotten him to talk to me more about the problems in our marriage and we have been working on them together. The second test was again negative but they said to call again and get another test if I haven't had my period within the week. Its the middle of the week and there is no sign of my period. Most of my symptoms have subsided as well except for the very sore breasts and nausea. I've been thinking back though and trying to get my days in chronological order and I remembered I didn't have my period last month either...wouldn't the HGB's have to show up in more then a month and a half?? I haven't missed a period since years ago and I have never missed more then one month. Its very confusing, but I don't really think I am pregnant anymore. With that much time having gone by and it not showing up on the tests.

My husband and I haven't talked that much about it anymore, it is a touchy issue. I don't want to upset him so I have tried to avoid it. I know we need to talk about it even if there is no way I am pregnant, just in case it happens later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 2:42am
Very good idea. Talk about it before its reality. Are you on birth control of any kind? If not, I would consider it right now. I had all my kids young, and even though I do love them, and life is pretty good, I still wish it would have held off at least a few more years. I had my first at 16, twins at 19, and i'm 22 now and have the 4th on the way. And this will be the last, for sure. But things weren't always great between me and him, and if it weren't for the kids I know I wouldn't be here with him. We have been togeather since I was 15, and I lived through a lot of hell over the years, and its only been this past year or so that things are finally good between us. He loves the kids, more than me, that i'm sure of, and thats great, but we never had a type of bond between us and the kids like all of us. This last child and pregnancy is going to be very different and i'm very much looking foreword to it. He's not just going to be a father there, but he is going to be *with* me. You know what I mean. But I would hold off a little longer, and make sure your sure about things.

Emily

EDD 6-20-03

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Thu, 10-23-2003 - 6:25am
Im just wondering your 17 and married and you say you want a baby because you want some one to love you are you saying that your husband isnt giving you the kind of love you need? you should never have a baby to fill some sort of emotional void you may be filling because whatever is going on in your life a baby is not going to fix it or make the relationship with your husband better trust me it hurts me to see so many young women have babies to make the situation better it'll only put a strain on you as well as that defenseless life your bringing into the world. so i think you should really sit down and talk to some one start with your husband because i think something is missing in the eelationship and you cant possibly give love to a baby if you havent first gave love to yourself