Might be in trouble :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Might be in trouble :(
9
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 2:36pm
Hello Everyone,
I guess i'll start out with the usual. "i think i might be pregnant" I'm scared out of my mind about it because i just had my first child on october 23rd 2006.....only 3 months ago :S. I'm not too great at keeping track of my period, but i'm fairly certain that its a week late. I havnt bought a test yet since my SO will probably freak out. I'm not ready for the talk yet. I love my SO and he loves me. However, once finding out that i was pregant before he was very happy, and excited to be a dad. but when we came home from the hospital hes been less than helpful. he hasnt once got up in the middle of the night to feed evan. and it doesnt matter if he works the next day or not. and hes actually admitted to me that most times he really doesnt care if the baby is crying, and when he does care its usually because he just wants him to shut up. I'm truly hoping that this will pass. He hasnt really been mean to the baby, just ignores him etc. I dont know what to do. He tells me that he loves his son, but he just cant be bothered with him. I think my SO needs to grow up. He went from being the baby at home, to being spoiled at university (didnt have to pay a cent) then he met me. He doesnt know how to cook and refuses to, rarely cleans. etc...but enough about that. On to what this post is about. If i'm pregnant what do i do??? I dont believe in abortion. I love my son to death and no matter how frustrated i sometimes get with being up all night etc. i wouldnt trade it for anything in the world. I guess i just expected more help. my rents live close but never visit and all my friends stopped talking to me,....they dont even call anymore. Suddenly i'm the outcast since i grew up. SO already said he doesnt want more babies because we cant afford it,...but i would rather be broke and happy, then know i killed one of my babies, ...my sons brother or sister, simply because it "wasnt the right time". I dont know what to do. I know this could all be without reason since i dont know for sure yet...but what if i am pregnant??? what would you do??
Thanks for any advice.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 5:15pm

Hello,


I am sorry your SO is being such a jerk. The first thing you need to do is take a test. If you have a positive, you really need to decide if you want your SO to be a part of this baby's life. No offense, he isnt part of the first one so I wouldnt expect much of a change with another. Your SO ignoring your child is considered abuse. As a mother you should not subject Evan to your SO.


If you have a negative, you really need to consider some kind of birth control like the pill so you will not have to worry. You also should keep track of your periods. I use a website called Fertility Friend but you can just use a calender.


I hope you get the answer you are looking for.


This is just my two cents but abortion is not the end of the world and you shouldnt judge someone for having one. I would rather someone who could not afford or give time to a child have an abortion then having tax payers stuck with the bill. I do not have children of my own so I am very unhappy paying for someone elses. I know many people might attack me on my opinion but I dont care.


Good Luck!


~Lisa

TTC to conceive #1 officially since 2001. Dh had Varicocele surgery 2005 and has low sperm count. Dh tried Clomid..it didnt really help, HSG in 1999 and 2005, Charting since Jan 2006, <

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 5:44pm
Thank you for your reply. My SO is not abusing my child by not running for his needs, as i am ALWAYS right there aswell, if i'm there to attend to him then how is it abuse?. As for my views on abortion i wasnt judging anyone else. I simply dont believe in it for myself and if you thought that i was somehow judging others i am sorry. Also, ..as for us not being able to afford it, we are by no means on welfare. I pay for my Child. We both have jobs. We may not have a house yet, ...we can afford our apartment. and we may cut back on fast food and 100$ shopping trips and could easily afford another baby if it came to it, ...i think SO just doesnt want to adjust his life to it. I'm sorry if this sounds like an attack to your post. But it truly hurt me and i hoping that i just took all of it the wrong way.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 6:09pm

Hello,


I guess I took some of it the wrong way. I still believe that your SO is doing a form of abuse by ignoring him. You said he ignores him and only tends to him to shut him up. To me that is abuse even if you are there to run to the baby when your SO doesnt. I wouldnt trust him alone with the baby at all. As your child gets older, he will see how your SO

TTC to conceive #1 officially since 2001. Dh had Varicocele surgery 2005 and has low sperm count. Dh tried Clomid..it didnt really help, HSG in 1999 and 2005, Charting since Jan 2006, <

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 6:17pm
Hello again,
I'm really sorry for sounding too harsh. I really think you are right in saying that my SO needs to stand up to the plate. I know that right now he is not the best father for Evan. but evan is his son...and i think that if he just wakes up, grows up and sees that he has to do things on his own...that he could be a wonderful father. I guess i forgot about the whole "killing my baby" part that i wrote. i didnt mean for it to be judgy...thats just how i feel. My best friend had an abortion in high school and i was very supportive of her. Everyone has their own beliefs. Apologies again if i sounded "cranky". Thanks again for the reply.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 7:55pm

Hello,


I am sorry too. I just do not want you and Evan to go through that. I didnt mean to come off with an attitude. I think I am PMSing ;)

TTC to conceive #1 officially since 2001. Dh had Varicocele surgery 2005 and has low sperm count. Dh tried Clomid..it didnt really help, HSG in 1999 and 2005, Charting since Jan 2006, <

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 8:43am

Nicole,


Lisa is right on a lot. Watch your SO around the baby. Baby Blues can affect men too. Watch how he is he might need proffesional help. A baby adds a lot of stress. I know.


As for your periods they can be off for the first year before they get back to normal. BUT you are most fertile after you have a child. I would take a test or call your DR for blood work. If your not, Like lisa said I would get on birth control or chart your cycles.

Katie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 1:50pm
Hey Katie...totally off subject, but I couldn't help noticing your ticker.. I can't believe you're 20 weeks already!!! I remember when you first found out you were preggo!! :)


~Robin


proud cl of

~Robin

proud cl of <

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 2:53pm

Sorry to come in late on this but I have to throw my 2 cents in here about indifferent fathers. I don't want to scare you but my best friend's daughter (she was to be my Goddaughter) was killed by her father last September because he just wanted her to "shut up."

He was very indifferent towards baby Catherine since she was born and one day, my best friend left 2-1/2 month old Catherine in his care and he ended up "shaking her until her head rattled" because he "wanted her to shut up." She came home, found him locked in the bedroom with the baby, and he came out saying "something is wrong with the baby." She went in to find her daughter unresponsive and called 911. The EMT's resuscitated Catherine but the neurosurgeons in the hospital declared her brain dead 3 days later and she was taken off of life support. She had shaken baby syndrome. Everything in quotes is what he told the police when they interviewed him.

Right now, he's sitting in Cook County Jail (in Chicago) on 1st Degree Murder charges for the murder of his only child. They're trying him with a capital offense, which means he will be eligible for the death penalty when this goes to trial. My best friend is still beside herself with grief and blames herself each and every day for what happened to her child. I try to console her the best I can, but there has been a piece of her ripped from her heart that will probably never ever heal.

I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but if he's indifferent, just be CAREFUL!!! Maybe talk to his parents and see if they can help persuade him grow up a little and become a man and CARE for his son! It sounds like he's selfish and putting HIS needs above the needs of his baby son! I'm not judging or trying to offend you, but what I am saying is what happened above was something that NO ONE expected EVER to happen and it happened to my friend of 14 years!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 6:20am
Yeah I know time fly's. Plus they changed my due date. I do know this PG is way more different then with christopher. I am still sick with this one, and I am still tired all the time. And this one seems like he is having a party 24 hrs a day.

Katie

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Katie

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