Money problems, and a sad wife
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Money problems, and a sad wife
| Thu, 10-16-2003 - 4:10pm |
From the very beginning when we got married I've joked around about being pregnant just to see what my husband would do, now it's been a little over a year and I feel left behind. I have friends from High School that have kids or that are having their second, friends from when we lived in Arizona that are pregnant and only been married for 4 months. And lately I've wanted one really bad, and I've gone to him and asked him if we could start trying to have a kid. He'll just laugh and say "remember what we talked about, we're not having kids until we have atleast $10,000 in the bank." Well, he can't keep money in the bank if his life depended on it, and well right now the life of our first kid depends on it......I can save money like nothing, and I'd really like to have a kid but it's the same thing over and over again. He's told me he's not ready to have a kid yet, well I can understand that, our friends have a baby, 7 months old, and she's a cutie! My husband is very cute with her, every time we go over he spends more time with the baby than us, and our friends have asked him when we're going to have one and sometimes he'll say some mean thing and just look at me and wink like we've planned it to say whenever people ask us. I'm starting to think he's worried about what our kids will look like, it sounds stupid I know. But right now, money is the big issue with him, I feel we don't need to have $10,000 saved in the bank, although some money would be nice, but at the rate we are going we're never going to get there unless we live in the basement of one of our parents house (again) and save us $730 a month from rent. But I feel we're doing okay, we're not behind on any of our bills, and I feel set, it's just I feel we're missing a member of our family...Any advice? I know it should be between he and I, but I'm pretty sure there are some of you out there that have the same or close to the same problem or have had it....thanks again.
Sincerely Shana
Sincerely Shana


It sounds really smart to plan and wait until the time is right before having kids, but the reality is, it will never be.
Once you have the money, you may not have your health. Or one of your jobs will change. Or you'll be too old. Or god forbid, you may not be able to have children, wouldn't it be a terrible waste to save for years and years? There will always be a reason not to start a family so your husband needs to move beyond that!
Sorry I can't give you any suggestions or answers, but I'm sending you warm thoughts and wish you the best with this situation!
Jenny
Shana
How old are you and your husband? I'm assuming you're very young if you're talking about high school friends. You have time. Really. Your husband's goals are good. But, if you wait until you're absolutely financially set to have a baby, you'll probably never have one. ;o)
I hope this helps a little.
How to Afford a Baby
Money & Relationships
Good luck sweetie.
TTC #1 3+ years
1 failed IVF
1 M/C at 8 weeks
IUI #1 9/11/03
IUI #2 10/9 -- Wish us luck!
TTC #1 3+ years
1 failed IVF 10/31/01
1 M/C at 8 weeks 2/02
IUI #1 9/11/03
IUI #2 10/9/03
IUI #3 11/29/03
TTC #1 3+ years
1 failed IVF
1 M/C at 8 weeks
IUI #1 9/11/03
IUI #2 10/9 -- Wish us luck!
TTC #1 3+ years
1 failed IVF 10/31/01
1 M/C at 8 weeks 2/02
IUI #1 9/11/03
IUI #2 10/9/03
IUI #3 11/29/03
Shana
I hope this helps! Sometimes the truth hurts! It did for me!
Angela,
I also know what it is like to have a baby....my sister had one just after she turned 16, I was 11 at the time, and guess where that baby lived....in my bed room....I took care of my niece until I was 15, they still lived at the house, but my sister finally settled down and started taking responsibility, I didn’t mind at all just to take her and have her with me, I love her! I've changed their dippers, cleaned up their throw-up, bathed them, fed them, clothed them, watched them grow up, no I didn’t buy then what they needed, and yes I know that babies cost a lot of money, and time….my sister wasn't ready for a child, of course who is at 15??? Not very many darn people, she would leave the baby home, go party, play, hang out with guys.....but I am proud to say that now my sister is taking responsibility of both of her kids, happily married, temple marriage to be exact, and she loves both of her kids very much.....I've seen babies born to young mothers and watched them throw their kids into their parents hands or the hands of a stranger cause they weren't ready for a child, and it's sad, it's terribly sad!!! I would never do that to my baby, and no I'm just not saying that!!! When we become parents of course, the baby comes first!! We both know that..........we're both ready to accept that, people mature faster than others.......I've had child experience since 11, and its continued, so I know what it is like to give up your time, your sleep and your energy. At 11, I was taking care of my sisters baby, I didn't go to school activities, I actually started liking to stay at home instead of going out with my friends....Guess what If I'd do that for someone else’s baby, I'd defiantly do it for my own, no questions asked!...It‘s a totally different story when it‘s your own child…...It was a good experience for me at a young age, and I appreciated every minute of it.. We're not going into this with closed eyes, we're going into it eyes wide open!!....I adore kids, my husband adores kids, so whether or not people "think" that we're not ready to become parents, we are....….I didn’t post this to be told by strangers that I’m not ready to be a mother, or my husbands not ready to be a father….I asked if there was anyone else out there that had the same situation about, money being saved in a bank to prepare!!! And yes, money saved is good, but I liked the advice I got from the first two responses better than the ones that say, “You Aren’t Ready!!!” Who’s perfectly ready when they have their first kid!? Not very many,. We will be the judge of when we are ready, physically and mentally, financially, probably never! $10,000 is a lot of money, could take a life time to save that much, and keep it there, yes I know that……
Shana