wats goin on w. me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
wats goin on w. me?
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Tue, 10-14-2003 - 10:21pm
im still in my mid teen ...lets say OVER 13 but still under 18.....and i lost my virginity over the summer and since then my body well confusin...my period been kinda irrgeular....and recently...i had sex again...and lately..i been tired more than usual..it might be from school...but i dunno....i been experiencein some pain in my vagina area recently...i missed my period or did i? mine can come sometimes around the 5th or around the 27th.....my last one was on the 5th of sept..i hadnt gotten this's months period....and im sorry to say but i had been in engage in sexual activiny in the last couple of weeks....which is another problem...i know that if i tell my bf no he would back off w. no hestitation...but i find it hard to say no to him....no matter wat....another thing i gotta point out is that since we go different school i only get to see him bout once a week..and we cherish that day like its the last...we spend it talkin teasing playing forepalyin ...and then sex... is what im doin wrong or unhealthy in a way...is there a way i can learn to say no? am i preganet? wats goin on w. me?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 10:32pm
Sorry to hear about your dilema. First off, I'm new here (I've got a question and have been soaking up as much advise as I can in the last 24 hours), but as another teen, I'll tell you to be careful. Sex is a serious thing, and with sex you are taking the chances of becoming pregnant. (I couldn't tell you either way if you are or aren't, but I would say to take a pregnancy test.) First off, look at where you are in life, and (especially if you plan on continuing to have sex) figure out a plan in case you are (or become) PG. I know what you mean about making the most of your time with your bf. I'm in college now, and my fiance can only make it up once a week, but if you're not ready to face pregnancy, sex really shouldn't be on the agenda. My fiance and I waited 2 1/2 years before we had sex. There are other ways to be completly satisfied without risking pregnancy. Also, having sex in relationships that aren't stable (I don't know if yours is, and it very well may be)is a sure way to add lots of un-needed bagage to your life. There is a deep and emotional side to sex, as much as the media portrays sex as a recreational and carefree activity. In any case, be careful and best wishes.

~Claire

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 11:07pm
thanxs for u post...as for our relationship...i dunno i found that to him is the only person that i can give in easily and is vulnerable or weak against...we been on and off...each breakup lastin a couple of days or weeks...then wee back together...he tells me that he want to spend his future w. me and no one else..he saws he see us raising a family...through one of my best friend who happen to be one of his close friend i found out that he cares bout me despite the drama...and my best friend also thinks we have a future ahead of us..i know sex is a thing that can change ur life in a blink...but like i said .. i find it really hard to say no to him or push him away..i want him to know that i care and love him...i dunno ....

i been wonderin can stress really make ur period late? and if i take the test do i have to wait two weeks from the last time i had sex to assure accuracy....?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 12:07am
OK, you said that your boyfriend wants to spend the rest of his life with you, but it doesn't sound like you're as stable as a family would want to be. You know, as well as I do, that boyfriends walking out on their pregnant girlfriends is not uncommon. As for seeing yourselves raising a family together, do you really want to be raising that family now? You said that your best friend sees you two as having a future, I want to know what you think, because that's what counts. Along the lines of taking a pregnancy test, as far as I know (I've never had to use one) it has nothing to do with sex. I do know that you're not supposed to be able to count on any responce until the day your period should have come and didn't. If you test then and get a negative, but don't get your period for another week, you need to test again. (Good news! Pregnancy tests often come in two packs) You asked in your first post if you were doing something unhealthy here, and reality is, probably yes. You said your boyfriend and you are on and off (even if off is only short periods of time) and sex is NOT a good thing to through into that mix. It creats a need that is unhealthy in any relationship that you can't count on. You said also that you have a hard time saying no to your boyfriend. It is hard to deny a guy something you've already given him, but, if this relationship is worth continueing, if you sit down and talk to him, he should respect your opinions. You also made one other comment that put up a red flag for me, you mentioned something about wanting your boyfriend that you love and care for him as a reason to have sex. Yes, sex is an expression of love, but it is not THE expression. You're boyfriend should not need sex to prove your devotion. If he's using that line, you should know that its a manipulative tactic that is base in nature. Sorry if this is all a little harsh (I tend to be a little more brazen when I'm tired), but you deserve to be able to challenge your own beliefs and make your own truth.

~Claire

PS- Just out of curiosity, how old are you? If you don't want to answer that's ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 8:42pm
thanxs i really respect ur opinion on dis and in some sense i too agree with u....bout the question bout my opinion on the possibility of a future...i dunno wats my honest answer right now...i somtime have a hard time sorting opinions tat came from my head or my heart...i dunno i guess i want to be able to believe that me and him will be together forever...but thats hard if we do break up often...and the thing bout being the way to show love...yea i agree u with that..but i guess the problem is that i dunt know how to say no to him...and you was wonderin bout my age...im bout 15.....but dont instanly think im a ho or nothin... hes has been my only sex partner in my whole life...in fact hes the only guy that i ever kiss/ make out w. other guys ...was just a kiss on the cheek..to say hey and stuff...i know im really young to be involin my life into this and i agree with u... i somtime wonder how i got myself wrap into this world...of sex, love , and etc..and yea...i dunno im really confused...i really want to stop to calm down to focus on a simple relationship...not one intense like this..if thats not possible i rather wait ... i rahter focus on school cuz i want to be able to stay in my honor classes next year and hopefully make the national honor society...now dont get me wrong..the only thing i regret is not thinkin to use a condom at time and never learn to say no.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 10-15-2003 - 10:29pm
One way to defuse the situation with your BF in saying no is this: First off, talk to him before hand. If you know you'll see him saturday, talk to him wednesday. Then, when Saturday rolls around, go out and DO something together...go for a walk, play putput golf, go to chucky cheese's, anything where you can "play" together in a way that's not focused on intimacy. Yes, you are young, and no I'm not about to label you a "ho" or "slut" or the like. I mean, hey, choices are made, you can't take them back. While you can't change the choices you have already made, you can change the choices you'll make in the future. Now is the time to play. We have the rest of our lives for families and seriousness. You mentioned that you want to continue in your honors programs and join the national honors society...make choices from this point on that help make those goals reality. Granted, I don't know your boyfriend, but this just doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me. Even you give off the vibe that you're not satisfied and that this is not what you want at this point in your life. Right now, you have you to worry about. Make choices that are good for you and that help you get where you want to be. Sex, love, and the whole bag of tricks is a lot to deal with at any age. Being so young doesn't help. Take care of yourself, and try to sort through your head and your heart and figure out what it is that *you* believe and want.

~Claire

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 9:10pm
thanxs...for real... thanxs... the last couple exchange of post been really helping me reconsider some of my choices and opinion but thanxs again i really appreciate u helpin me through this time .....now im ready to go have that "talk" with him...straigten out some priorities ...reevalute our relationship...but as far as the pregancy...im still really worry bout that...i got 2 more weeks to wait till i can test
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 9:24pm
I'm glad you're taking a look at somethings. I know its hard to do, but its worth it in the end. Good luck with talking to him. Let me know how it goes (if you want, my e-mail is clairebear1025@hotmail.com). I know what you mean about being pregnant. I don't know if I am or not yet (I've got at least another week), but my fiance is leaving for the army reserves (and 68 weeks or training) next month. I don't want to have our baby without him. Anyways, back to you, remember that even if you are pregnant, you don't have to stay with him. In that case, make what would be the healthiest choice for you AND for your baby. Remember that your stress level will, right now, either affect your period or you baby.

Take Care,

Claire

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 9:22pm
oh....that must be painful to know that ur husband is going to be away...but i'll send my prayers to him while hes away and my prayers on u gettin the answer u want ( whether or not ur preganet) ...yea i think i should know by halloween whether or not im preganet.....but its hard to wait that much time...its constantly on my mind but im trying...im trying really hard..i also been thinkin that i want to visit a doctor sometime in the next couple of weeks...but im not ready to tell my mom yet so i want to go by myself or w. him...but do u know whether or not i can make a ppointment w. or w.o neccessary papers and medical info...also if i do go to my doc.. will they tell me parents...or how much they would charge.........but yea tecnically i dont have to be with him w. or w.o the baby..but if i do turn out preganet i would like it if he was around so that my excuse me...OUR baby has both a mother and father figure growin up...and i could also use his support ..him bein the one who hold half the baby's gene...but yea i'll keep u posted as much as possible but again I REALLY APPRECIATE UR HELP SUPPORT THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS....YOU REALLY HELP EASE MY MIND SOO MUCH...IF THERES ANY THING I COULD DO TO REPAY U JUST LET ME KNOW....AND I'LL TRY MY BEST...

p.s remeber the best friend i told u bout that had that opinion on my future...well weird thing was that he found out that he got a girl preganet..and their due in july..weird cuz if i am preganet i would also be due in july...another weird thing is that me and him often end up in the same sitution at the same time...good and bad...weird.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 9:55pm
Yeah, its hard to have Ry leaving....I'm not looking forward to it, but it will be over and then...That's what I'm looking forward to. I know that while he's gone I'll have a chance to learn about myself and develope myself as an individual. It'll be wierd to be without him...we've been together since we were 15 (and we're both turning 19 in the next month!) I'm thinking that I should know by my b-day...either way it'll be a birthday present. Right now would not be the optimal time to have a baby, but it's definatly something we both would very much enjoy. If you don't want to go to the doctor, you can go to a clinic. There are places out there that offer free pregnancy tests. You could check with planned parenthood (I don't know what they offer, but its worth a look!) Along the lines of your maybe-baby having a father figure, my guardian's husband (I was taken away from my parents years ago) committed suisides, and her boys father figure has been my gaurdians brother since then. There are other men out there. Along the support lines, you do have your bestfriend who would know ExAcTlY what you're going through (I hope you'll be supporting her!). I don't know anything about your parents, grandparents, or extended family. Besides, I can tell you that in times of need, good people come out of the woodwork. My point being, NO MATTER WHAT, don't feel trapped in this relationship.

Anyways, I hope you're doing well. Try not to stress about this. Time will pass (as it always does). Just keep going through the motions and enjoy life.

~Claire

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 9:58pm
I was reading your posts and I feel sorry for you. I don't know what I would do if I was about 15 and pregnant. I had my DS when I was 20 (I'm 23 now) and it has been hard enough being as old as I am. For you, I honestly hope that you are not pregnant. My Fiance's mother and one of his sister's both had their first kids when they were 15. His mother has made nothing of her life. She had five kids by the time she was 23. She lives off of welfare and everybody else. She dropped out of school and really doesn't have anything. His sister just had her fourth kid and she is 21. Can you imagine that? She dropped out of school and lives off of welfare. There's nothing wrong with welfare if you need it but is that the life you really want your baby to have? You said you were in honor classes, if you are not pregnant, please keep up your grades and reach your goals. Go to college or take some kind of training classes. Do something with your life and get a steady job and home before you become a mother. That way your baby (when you decide to have one) will have a stable home with or without a father figure. I was lucky that my DB stuck by me when I became pregnant and I did not have my life together. I now have a good, stable job and a stable homelife with my baby's father. I know it could have easily gone the other way and it has for some of my friends. If you are concerned about pregnancy and want to see a doctor, check out your local chapter of Planned Parenthood. There are agencies in your phone book that can help you out without going to see your regular doctor and many of them are free. They also will not tell your mother. Good luck to you and I hope that things work out for you. I was in your position with your boyfriend before, believe me, if they pressure you to do something that they know you do not want to do, they are not concerned with you or your feelings. If they respect your wishes and listen to you, then he may be the one for you. Good luck again!




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