The father wont give me a say in anythin
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The father wont give me a say in anythin
| Sat, 12-31-2005 - 12:52pm |
Im 16 and im 5 mons preg and the fathers sister passed away almost 6 years ago and he wants to name the baby after her if its a girl and after him if its a boy. I feel like i have no say in anything and im the one carrying for the babby and making sure it has good health and i cant even get to name my own child and on top of that its my first and it could be my last. SO if anyone has some advise i would really love to hear it because i really need help!! Thank you - Victoria

Make sure it's you who puts the info on the birth certificate, sweetie. Maybe use the names he likes as MNs. I do think it is nice of him to want to name his child after his sister.
Good luck! I do also want to tell you that no matter the name, you will never know what it is to love someone until you meet your child. Hang in there.
It's you who fills out the hospital paperwork, unless you are heavily sedated from a c-section, in which case you need to request ahead of time that you are the only one to complete the paperwork (or designate someone you trust in your place).
Some states may require that he fill out a form for his name to be on the birth certificate some don't.
Are you planning on having him present at the birth. You called him the father, not your boyfriend. You can request that he not come into the labor delivery area, etc until afterward and all documents have been completed.
I would maybe use one of his names as the middle name like the other person suggested.
I hate to say this, but if you're not married or in a serious relationship with this guy, I wouldn't give him much of a say. If he should decide not to be a responsible father (which often happens, as I'm sure you know), he may not be in this child's life at all. You're the one carrying it, you're the one who will give birth to it and you're the one who will ultimately be caring for this child day in and day out. Therefore, you're also the one who gets to name it.
And another thing ... if he does end up leaving you and this child alone, do you really want such a constant reminder (ie. a baby either named after him or his sister) of a guy who's not even a part of your lives anymore? Just some things you might want to keep in mind. No matter how sure you are he'll stick around, I think I'd take everyone's advice and make sure you're the one filling out that birth certificate (with a name YOU chose). Good luck! :)
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I agree with the previous posts - you certainly get a say here. You'll be the one to fill out the paperwork, so you have the final decision.
If I were in your situation, the real issue to me would be what sort of role the father is realistically going to play. Are you in a serious relationship? Is he committed to helping raise the baby regardless of what happens to your relationship?
If the answer to both of those is yes, I would take his feelings about the name very seriously. That doesn't mean I would give him free reign, but I would honestly consider those names. Probably I would do as a pp suggested and use them as middle names and give them a first name of my choosing.
If the answer to those questions is no, and you doubt that he is going to play a significant role in raising this baby, I don't think he gets a vote. If you WANT to use either of the names, that is great. But I don't think you have an obligation to do so.
If you do decide that you want to honor him or his sister, there are ways of doing so that give you more control. As previously mentioned, you could use their first names as your baby's middle name. You could also use their middle names as a first or middle name. Or you could combine the names or use a variation (Caitlyn instead of Catherine or Elise rather than Elizabeth, etc). Or you could keep their initials, and choose totally different names. There are lots of options that give you more control.
Good luck! And if you need help choosing names, we'd be happy to help you. :)
First of all, it's not 'his' choice. If he is going to have an active roll in the childs life than of course his opinion should be considered, but if he is not going to be active, than it is YOUR CHOICE alone.
And shame on him for making you feel like you have no say in this.
Good luck, keep us posted.
naming a child is not easy, but feeling pressured to choose one name is not an easy position to be is. it is important to let the father know how you feel. i know you may be the one filling in the paper work, but not letting him know what you are thinking about for a name until it comes, may upset him and may strain your relationship.
if you are not in a committed relationship with the baby's father, then naming the baby after him or a family member of his could be a difficult reminder if things don't work out. let the father know there are ways of incorporating his and his sister's name without using their exact names for example -
- use the beginning or end of their names and add it to something you like (ie jaslyn - a combination of jasmine and lynn),
- use the first letters of there names,
- maybe use their middle names as your baby's first name, or use their first name as the baby's middle name.
please don't feel constricted. this is a wonderful time in your life and something to enjoy. hang in there and we (everyone on the message board) is here to help and offer advise.
take care,
claire :)
the name is something that should be agreed on by both the mom and dad, if possible. He'll just have to understand that.
Good luck to you Victoria!
I agree with the other posters. *You* should be the one to decide whether *he* gets a say, not the other way around. I would NOT let him railroad me into choosing the name. Of course, how tough you want to be about that depends on the relationship you expect to have with him after the baby comes.
I don't think I'd ever give my husband total control over naming the baby, but I think we can agree on something we both like - if you want to maintain your relationship with him, it might be best for everyone if you BOTH agree on something.