need opnion on 18 got 16 pregnant

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
need opnion on 18 got 16 pregnant
18
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 5:00pm
an 18 yr old got my 16 yr old pregnant. I want him out of her life for good but at the same time i want him to know that what he did is not acceptable. what do you think is a good resolution to this problem?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 6:16pm
It depends on where you live and the laws there. In most states if an 18yo has intercourse with a minor(under 18 normally)they can be charged with statutory rape, my advice go to the police report him and see what the say. In some states statutory rape gets them jail time and you can get a restraining order. But once again it depends on the state.

Shelby

SAHM to Haylei

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 7:17pm
What should you do? If it was not "rape" try to be supportive to your daughter, remember that although you do not like this boy, your daughter does. Also, this is your grandchild's father...which means he will be a part of your families life for a long time. If it were me, although I would be very upset, I would not go to the police. I wouldn't want to put my grandchild's father in jail and then have that come back to haunt me when the child was older or my DD to argue with me about. Hopefully the father will take responsibiliy for the child and be a good father.

But that's just my $0.02. I was 17 when I got pregnant and my parents were very supportive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 8:16pm
My sister had a baby at 16 and she (legally my parents) gave him up for adoption. It was sad but we see pics of the child and he is thriving with his family. It would have been much tougher on everyone had he not been adopted. The father's parents were also involved in the adoption process. It worked out great for everyone but was very sad at first. My sister ended up graduating high school through tutoring and an alternative high school. She couldn't go back to the regular one because of criticism.

Although I must say if I were the one that had gotten pregnant I would have insisted on an abortion very early on. Of course that is up to the individual mother and in this case the mother's parents. A very tough, personal decision.

As for the boy. I wouldn't go to the cops. You would likely just drive your daughter to him. I would just try to support my daughter as much as possible. And make sure my daughter finished high school and got into college.

Good luck. I'm sure you'll make the right choice.

Peggy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 9:30pm
You probably won't get on your daughter's good side by reporting the father of her child to the police. Just some food for thought. As for getting him out of her life, there's really no way to do that. He'll be in her life for the rest of her child's. Were I in your position I would try to be as supportive as possible for your daughter. Ultimately it is her life and her decision(s) to make!

Hope everything works out for you.



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-1998
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 11:50pm
your in a tough spot I was just 18 when I met my dh he was then almost 23, we are still together 10 yrs later but I wasnt pg of course that complilcates things. Unless the father is abusive or doing drugs or alcohol I dont think you have much of a right to say they can't see each other. But at this stage in her life I would seriously consider adoption so that she can go on with her schooling and teenage yrs. good luck

juli23
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Registered: 05-04-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 8:33am
Three words: It takes two.

 

 

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Registered: 06-29-2001
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 11:54am
I don't think that a Baby Naming board is really the forum for this discussion.





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Registered: 05-22-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:02pm

I have to say I totally agree!

 

Avatar for mommy_times_3
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Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:03pm
I was 16 when I got pregnant with my first child. The dad (now my dh) was 18. I don't think your question can be answered with the limited information that you gave. In my case, we were truly in love. We married a year and a half later and have now been married for almost 7 years. We are about to have our 4th child. If my parents would have tried to push him out of my life, I would have pushed away from them.

Now I know that this may not be the case at all with your dd. This guy may be really bad news, but there is no way I can give you any advice without knowing the whole situation. So my only advice is to let your dd call the shots as much as you can. She's going to be a mom and she needs you to start treating her like an adult. Raising a child is an adult situation and it's hard to act like an adult if you're being treated like a kid. (((HUGS))) I don't envy you. This is a tough situation- from all angles. Take care,

Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 12:20pm
I don't know, but I don't really think the BABY NAME board is the place to address that.

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