need opnion on 18 got 16 pregnant
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need opnion on 18 got 16 pregnant
| Mon, 08-09-2004 - 5:00pm |
an 18 yr old got my 16 yr old pregnant. I want him out of her life for good but at the same time i want him to know that what he did is not acceptable. what do you think is a good resolution to this problem?

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Edited 8/10/2004 2:05 pm ET ET by maureen_h
Thank you, Maureen h, for providing the link to the Parenting a Pregnant Teen board.
Michelle
Graham (May 1999),
If this were my daughter, I would tell her she has 2 choices: have the baby and give it up for adoption or keep the baby and support it herself.
Your daughter opted to engage in an activity that is meant for adults. Tell her "congratulations, you now get to deal with adult consequences for your behavior." It's called "tough love".
As for the young man, he's an adult now, too, and he will get to pay child support for that baby for the next 18-21 years unless your daughter opts to give it up for adoption. Congrats to him, as well. I hope they are truly committed to each other, as they have created a permanent bond between them.
As for you trying to stop them from seeing each other, good luck. The more you try to keep them apart, the more she is going to want to see him and resent your interference. My advice? Welcome the young man into your family and help him to take responsibility for the life he helped create. If he's a loser, he'll disappear and your daughter won't be able to blame you for it. If he is an upstanding guy who made a mistake, he'll do right by your daughter and his baby and they will appreciate your help because, as I'm sure you know, they're going to need all the help they can get.
If you are looking for me to tell you to press statutory rape charges against the young man, I can't. Yes, technically he is guilty of statutory rape, but he didn't RAPE your daughter, as it is impossible to rape the willing. And since she wants to keep in contact with him, it's obvious the sex was consensual.
I'd recommend telling your daughter to do the right thing ~ take responsibility for HER actions and stop trying to pin all of the "blame" on the guy.
I'd also be appalled if she aborted the baby. That is wrong and extremely selfish.
Sorry if my bluntness offends, but you asked for opinions, so I felt comfortable offering mine.
~Kate, mom to Megan, Adam, Emily, David, Sarah & Isaac
What you need to focus on is NOT how much you hate this guy. It's easy to blame this guy in your mind, but it takes TWO people to make a baby. You need to put your efforts toward being supportive to your daughter, and your grandchild that is on the way. What are your plans for her? Will you help her raise this child? If so, it will do no good to the child to hear you badmouth his/her father the rest of it's life. Good luck!
You need to support her and make sure she does everything she needs to do for a healthy pregnancy. Keep encouraging her through school, and offer to help when necessary. Remember, it's not the end of the world, as difficult as it may seem right now. I truly believe that god gives us our children for a reason, whether we are 16 or 50!
Help make this a positive experience for your daughter rather than a negative one. How do you think she feels right now??? The last thing she needs is you giving her a hard time and threatening her boyfriend.
Just my 2 cents.
I'm going to assume that your daughter and
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