3 yr old present for childbirth? Or u...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
3 yr old present for childbirth? Or u...
3
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:16pm

3 yr old present for childbirth? Or up to time for pushing?



  • Yes
  • No


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 1:52am

This is not a question I've had to consider myself, but as a general rule I prefer to consider children individually rather than by age. My aunt had home births for all three of her children; I think her elder son, who would have been two-and-a-half, was at home when his brother was born, though not necessarily in the room the whole time, and both boys were most likely there when their sister was born a year-and-a-half later. Now 18, 16 and 14, they are three of greatest young people I have ever known.

Only you can really know what your child is ready for, and there may be clues in her behaviour that you can think back on. How does she react to the sight of blood or to injury, in herself and in others? Has she shown any signs of fear or displacement regarding the arrival of the new baby, which might be intensified by the birth experience? At her age, children often resent a new baby for the attention they receive; you don't want to add fuel to the fire by leading her to begrudge the baby causing you pain as well. On the other hand, being a part of the process may make the new baby seem less intrusive or threatening, so consider your child's maturity and temperament.

I would also ease your child into the experience and, through that process, continue to evaluate her readiness. I would try watching a show with her such as "A Baby Story", which shows a rather sanitized edit of birthing. If she is frightened or completely disinterested, she probably can't handle the real delivery. If it goes well, perhaps follow up (a few days later, I would think) with photographs of babies actually being born. If you then feel that you are comfortable including her, first ask her what she wants. And try demonstrating for her the positions you may be in, the breathing and sounds she might hear from you, and show her any medical implements she isn't familiar with. The more she knows what to expect, the easier it will be on everyone, and make sure to set any rules for her well ahead as well.

The most important thing, if you do decide to have your child in the room, is to have one adult there with the specific job of caring for her. This should not be your husband/partner, obviously, or anyone else who will need to be attending to you. It should be someone your child knows well and is comfortable with, someone experienced with children, someone with enough knowledge of the birth process to explain anything that interests or frightens her, and someone who will not mind missing the big moment if necessary or be tempted to redirect her attention to you. If she has a comfort blanket or toy, she should be able to have it with her. She needs to be able to leave the room immediately if she chooses to, and there should be a space available where she will feel safe, with activities prepared to divert her, in case she wants to retreat from the room.

Good luck!

Josie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 7:33am

Hey There,

Thanks a bunch. How funny, my name is Josie too! Well, we have watched a lot of Baby story shows. My son just turned 3 and he is very advanced for his age. My birth with him was gravy. I had an epideral, there was no screaming or hard breathing. Pretty uneventful. I have heard some people have good experiences with siblings being there and I guess some not so good ones. It is just something we are thinking about no real yes/no yet on what to do. I just don't want him to feel left out and threatened by the new baby. He is pretty excited but you just never know. Thanks again!