Annoyed with parents - naming MY baby

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Registered: 03-18-2004
Annoyed with parents - naming MY baby
24
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 7:29pm

We just found out I'm pregnant, so my parents ask me if we have any names picked out. I tell them Zachary is a possiblity, and my step-father rolls his eyes. Days later I tell my mom we're thinking of Maxwell Paul or Elizabeth Mae. She thinks the girl's name is "okay" but hates Maxwell Paul. The name for a girl SHE likes is Aubrey Lynn, after my grandfather (and my middle name). First, I'm annoyed they're being so negative and think they'll only like a name that THEY pick out. Second, I'm annoyed with myself for caring so much what they think about it. I don't want them to hate their grandchild's name and I know my parents, they'll give me heck about the name for years.

My husband doesn't care what they think, but it's like now there's a grey cloud over these names, and it's name is grandparent.

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Registered: 05-06-2005
Mon, 02-26-2007 - 11:23pm
Love the name Peter- its what i named my oldest son. I named him after my dad who died when i was 13. There was a lot of speculation about names but we kept our mouths shut until after he was born. When we told my mom she cried- out of joy- she was happy and suprised. When we told my fiance's mom she said thats a dumb name kids will make fun of him. When i think of it now i feel so mad but then i was shocked when she said it but now i also don't care what she thinks anyhow. I don't know why people make up restrictions for names for other people's children but i think parents should do what they truly want and what feels right to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 2:28pm
You're not alone! My mother hates the name we are most likely going with for a boy--Carter... and hated the girls' name too... so much that I'm probably using something else! At the end of the day, the truth is they'll love their grandbaby regardless. I actually just put my foot down today with my Mom and said these are the names we are most likely using... get used to it and learn to love it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 4:04pm

I had that problem at first, and then after i realized how annoying everyone was being trying to name my baby, i just started saying i dont know, and when we see the baby, we'll decide then. People eventually just stopped suggesting after that. lol. My best friend named her daughter MaKayla and wanted me to name mine MaKenna, so they could be matching, and I said it depends on if she LOOKS like a MaKenna and when we finally picked the name, we kept it to ourselves until she popped out.

Christie

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Registered: 03-07-2006
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 9:40pm
When I was pregnant with DS there was no expectation from anyone on either side of the family that they would have a say in his name since obviously Howard Leslie V is a family name, and I let it be DH's choice as to whether we would carry it on. When he agreed, I agreed. Some of my family tried to stop me from "scarring my child for life" by giving him this name, but at the end of the day if I really didn't like it, I wouldn't have laid down and let DH name my child that. Now that we're TTC #2, we have already chosen names. If it's a boy, he will be Bradford Alexander for no other reason than that I like those names. I guess I chose Alexander because it's a powerful name to me. If it's a girl, she will be Catherine Rita. I chose Rita because it was the name of my late grandmother who was the matriarch of my family. I chose it on my own with no input from any other family member. I don't want anyone to know that I chose it because if for some reason DH and I decide to go with something else when we're actually pregnant, it's no one else's place to make us feel bad about it or try to talk us out of it. I also don't want to hear that Rita should be her first name if I really want to honor my grandmother (I know someone will try this with me), and I don't want to hear that Catherine is a bad first name. I like it, and DH thinks it's cute. Additionally, we want to surprise my family by honoring my grandmother (who was a big presence in all of our lives). If anyone asks me if we've thought of any names, I'm just going to politely say that we haven't been able to agree, or we're not sure. If they try to push a name they like on me, I will nod and smile politely and then continue on my way naming my baby whatever I choose. We didn't tell our parents we were pregnant until we were 8 weeks along last time even though we knew at about 3 weeks, so I think I can handle keeping the name to myself for 9 months :) Do the same.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 8:58pm
I need help! My husband and I are expecting our first child! It is the first grandchild on his side of the family and his family is driving me crazy about the name. They have a tradition that if it is a boy the first name is always the same name (as his father, grandfather, etc) and that the wife picks the middle name and then the baby is called by the middle name. For our middle name, we chose my maiden name. My inlaws are refusing to call the baby by his middle name and call him by his full name (even though that is not the tradition). Everytime they say the name it is like fingernails on a chalknboard to me. I feel so disrespected and run over. I feel like I will have no control when it comes to my own child with them! They won't even respect the name we have chosen. My husband has mentioned this to them several times and they seem to ignore him! Does anyone have any suggestions!!!!!!!! Please!!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 7:51am
...if i were you... i would stop sharing names with them!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2006
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 9:23am

That's awful! I really feel for you. I could see my husband's family dong the same type thing though. I sometimes feel that nothing I do is ever going to suit them.

Here is my suggestion - Is there another first name that you and your husband both love and agree on? If I were you, I would tell his parents that since they are so disrepectful of YOUR choice, even though you were trying to follow their tradition, you and your husband have decided on another first name, to go with your maiden name as the middle name. Then, stand your ground and show them you are serious. This should make them realize how important THEIR tradition really is to them. If it is important, they should be willing to accept the middle name YOU choose (your maiden name) and agree to call your beatiful baby by that name. If it is not important to them, they will have to accept that you and your husband will decide on another first name all together, one that you both love.

I would tell them, it's their tradition and if they choose to break it, it will be broken all the way. You and your husband will make sure of that - and it will be broken on your terms - you will not be willing to agree to the tradition if you feel they are not going to stick to it. It sounds like they are already ruining the tradition for the two of you anyway.

If they do come around, and you decide to carry on the tradition, tell them you appreciate their acceptance and hope they will be faithful to the tradition, as you and your husband have been by using the traditional first name. If they do call your son by the first name instead of your maiden name after he's born, politely remind them "He goes by (maiden name)." This will not only reinforce the promise that you all made to each other (that you and your husband have kept) but it will also remind them that they are breaking the promise they made to the two of you each and every time they use the first name. I guess my suggestion is all about laying the guilt on them any way you can!

Hope that helps and Good luck!

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Registered: 10-19-1999
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 11:32am
I don't like naming traditions. Why should I have to use a name I don't want. In my dh family the first boy is named after the fathers father then the second boy would be named after the mothers father. Same with the girls. That means that if there are 5 boys in the family each of their first sons would have the same name. When my dh told me that I said that that tradition dies now. I did not like his parents name, nor did I want my children named after my inlaws. I wanted my children to have their own names. We were the first ones in the family to do this and everyone else has done the same. You should pick a name you like, not one that is forced on you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 5:45pm
Raynbough Goo-Goo Bean,
awww c'mon, you stole my name!
how'd you know i loved that name! lol
how in the world did you think of that one? hahaha
(that names out there guess i'll go with one of my other faves,
Muune Bymme, Zpahrquelle, Twighlah Daughn)
(and Jodie Foster/Nell already took Tayay Enna Wynne)
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-05-2007 - 10:56am

For our most recent addition (#4), we not only kept it a secret for the first time ever, but we also used a fake name that everyone knew was a fake hehehe. Although, my mom, not knowing *what* dh and I would come up with, was truly worried for a while that our fake name was really our real name :D. We didn't know (again for the first time) if we were having a boy or a girl, which drove my mom crazy :D. But all was well in the end and we got absolutely no grief over any of name selections. We didn't even tell the kids, so they were surprised, too. I think we'll continue this way of doing things, should we have any more kids.

Amy :-) dw to Jerry; CPST and HS Mom to 4 great kids

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