Awkward MIL issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Awkward MIL issue
4
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 10:02am

I have an awkward MIL situation I wanted some advice on-here's the deal: DH and I have very blissfully agreed on both a boy name and a girl name that we like. For MNs, however, we are running into some problems. The girl FN we like is a family name from my side of the family and the MN that goes with the FN perfectly (and I happen to LOVE) is the maiden name of DH's paternal grandmother. I thought it would be nice to honor both sides of our families with a name and these names happen to be just amazing together (IMHO). Here's the problem: my MIL HATED her MIL and DH insists that she would be devestated if we use his paternal grandmother's maiden name as our baby's MN. I really like and respect my MIL and think he's overreacting. She definitely did NOT get along with her MIL, but it isn't like I'm suggesting we name the kid after this woman's FN, right??? Since the name in question was DH's grandmother's maiden name, it is really a family name and was her father's family name and so on. Anyway, I know this is confusing, but hopefully you get the gist. Should I give up on my dream middle name or should I push DH harder to discuss it with his mom and see how she really feels? TIA!

-Sally
EDD 4/18/07

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 10:10am
honestly, sounds harsh, but this is YOUR kid. do what YOU want to do. your MIL isn't going to love the kid any less and if fact she'll love it even more when she finally sees it, you know? good luck!

Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 10:40am
I think the whole point of using a family name is to honor someone special, not to just use a name that you like that happens to be on the family tree. That being said, if using a particular family name will likely upset your mil (whom you say you like and respect), you shouldn't use it, no matter how "good it sounds" with the fn of choice. I don't agree with the previous poster who said, basically, "it's your child, do what you want." If you are interested in family names, you should also be respectful of the family member's feelings about them (esp those who are still alive and will love this child so much) . Good luck (and keep looking).


Edited 12/21/2006 10:47 am ET by cantrellja
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 11:25am

I wouldn't worry about it. Use the name you love! ;)

As you said, you're not using her MIL's fn, so you're really honoring your husband's FAMILY, not just this one woman. Also, even if you did want to use her fn, she was still your dh's grandmother, so your own MIL should respect that. You're not talking about using the name of her husband's ex-girlfriend or anything like that. LOL

That said, what you choose to name your child is up to you and your dh alone. He shouldn't have to discuss anything with his mother. If you're afraid she won't like the name, don't share it until the baby's born and it's official. ;)

HTH

~Kelli


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 1:12pm
hello!! i do not think your mil will love the baby any less, if you choose that name as the middle name. you have all the way until april to look-and scan some more names, just in case you come across something thats better...but youre not really naming the baby after your hubbys grandma-it would just be after the family itself-not the woman. i wouldnt jump the gun and tell your mil right now what youve decided-especially if you change your mind. keep looking, if you want, but if you and your dh love love love the names-then run with it. my dad didnt like my oldest dds first name at all(violet), but it grew on him and now he cant imagine her as anything else...good luck!!
joanne
maman2goons@aol.com