Baby on the way but naming issue!
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Baby on the way but naming issue!
| Tue, 09-19-2006 - 3:48pm |
WEll, I definately CAUSED this baby naming issue myself. I like to think of it was "I sold my soul" in order to convince dh to go for baby #4. He REALLY only wanted three. I have ALWAYS wanted four. It took me four years to convince him, but he finally came around - mostly because it was so important to me. He's a great father, so I have no concerns there. In any case, one of my negoitiating "tactics" has now come around to bite me in the behind. In my convincing and desparateness to get him on board, I told him....GULP....that he could chose the name!!!! What was I THINKING?!?!?! WEll, now that I am pregnant (JUST pregnant - due May 29th) I'm thinking, "WHY?!?! WHY did I do that?!?!" LOL. He has said that he will make lists of names for me and that I can group them into Like, indifferent, and hate. He won't choose a name I hate. Still....WAAAAAAA! Ok...truth be told, I did largely choose the names for our three girls. But still - I want a say in this! At the moment I love Lila or Lilly for a girl and Nathaniel (nn Nate) for a boy. Who knows what he'll pick! I'm kicking myself for making that deal!
Marla
Marla


Oh dear,
That sounds scary esp to a name addict. BUT at least you get to seperate the list. Maybe there will be some good ones? You could always hint or add your name choices into the list, maybe he'll love them too?
Good luck,
Karen
Let him think he made the decision. LOL
Gammy
Calls to mind an old saying-
To strike a deal with the devil is to enjoy the comforts of hell...lol
Wait until you see the lists- he might surprise you.
If the lists are bad, I'd plead, beg, seduce, trade favors, pout, refuse, whatever it takes...
That's why we stopped with two!
Later,
Ginger
Ginger
Perhaps you could get him to agree to let you choose the middle name? And maybe instead of an "indifferent list", ask if he'll at least choose the final name from the "like" list? That way, at least you know he'll name the baby something you like.
Unfortunately, to be fair, you did tell him he could pick the name. Since you did choose the other three names, it seems a nice gesture to let him choose this one. Coming from another avid name lover, though, I completely empathize with your feelings. This is something that's very hard to relinquish.
I would still give him your suggestions, and maybe he'll end up liking one of them! Good luck!
This is when you use your pregnant emotions. You may have to wait until you find out the gender. But, go around teary eyed saying you just always wanted a "Nate" and isn't Nate great and every time you hear the name in public..point out every adorable baby by that name (unless he hates common names). Once you find out the gender, it will be easier because you can on occassion, skip in calling the baby by that name. If you ever throw up..use it. And worse comes to worse, bring up the subject while in labor. In the end, any caring man will give in to his vomiting, laboring wife..LOL...sad, but true.
(of course, my dh tried to argue baby names with me while I was in labor....)
For what it is worth,....my dh promised to let me name all future babies and has since withdrew his promise and gives me a hard time with each baby. Who kows..maybe your dh will pick a great name you find you actually like.
Honestly, simply discussing the fact that you would at least like a say in your child's name doesn't sound like a deal-breaker to me.
I don't think any one person in a relationship should be the one choosing the name of a child the two will be raising together, anyway. This is completely different from one parent coming up with a name (or names -- the grunt work, if you will ) and the other agreeing to it because they actually like it.
Now of course I don't know how much detail was involved with this particular "deal," but it would seem to me that telling your husband he could choose the name itself and telling him he'd have complete control over the entire process are two totally different things. If I were you I'd sit down with him and explain that, while he gets the final decision, your child's name is very important and you would like to be involved in the entire process. This means you can also bring names to the table (rather than trying to drop less-than-subtle hints and hoping he likes them too LOL), but that he would have veto power over them. Of course, that doesn't guarantee you'll get the exact names you want, but it does ensure that you'll be involved from the start and the final name lists will reflect some names you BOTH like.
What I would NOT do in this situation is "whine and pout" (for lack of better terms) and try to renege on what you'd originally agreed to. Even if he ends up giving in, he may resent the fact that he was, in essence, duped into having this child, since you didn't follow through on your promise to let him choose his or her name (making him think you simply said anything you could to convince him to have another child without any intention of ever following through, KWIM?).
Instead, just be honest with him about wanting a say in the name, but make it very clear the final choice is still ultimately up to him.
HTH
~Kelli
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I bet it will all work out fine. My DH and I had the opposite arrangement last pregnancy. I'm ashamed to admit it now, but when we first found out we were expecting #3 (a surprise), I sobbed for an entire day. I had just (2 days prior) finsihed an new degree, had a job lined up, and could not pursue it pregnant. It really threw me through a loop, and to console me, because he knew I loved names, DH promised me I could have complete control over naming the new baby. That cheered me up! :)
After a while though, I realized there was no fun in choosing the name alone. I realized how unfair it was to DH, and I relented. We picked the name together, and it was not any of my top three. But I think if I'd used my top name or names, some of what I love about them would be lost, since I know DH does not like them. So DH may come around and abandon the idea of choosing solo.
If not, just keep bombarding him with name ideas for his list. He's bound to like some of your suggestions, and once they're on the list, you can have some control. Also, you can do what my DH did to me through three pregnancies...veto 90% of his choices right off the bat so they fall into the "hate" part of the list. Even though your DH is in charge of the list, it seems with you vetoing, it could still be a group effort. Good luck!!
hello-and lol!! just relax-he hasnt even picked any names yet-theres still a chance!! lol my hubby is very picky and doesnt like ANY names i pick...especially girls names. then i throw out a name i was only loosely considering using as a middle name-violet-and now its our oldest dd...same with the boys name-i love the name blake-i have since i was 15-and he actually agreed to use it...(im not pregnant yet, but i hope to be within 2 years)so you never know...btw, i love lila and nathaniel...good luck!
joanne
maman2goons@aol.com