Do I evenHAVEthe"RIGHT"2have anotherKID?
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Do I evenHAVEthe"RIGHT"2have anotherKID?
| Thu, 07-15-2004 - 7:57pm |
Now, hold up! Let me tell you my situation first before you give your opinion. I want every single person to be candid and honest here. I PROMISE that my feelings will NOT be hurt no matter WHAT you say!
And before I get started, I want to let you know that I may have to do this in more than 1 post, cuz I have to think while I type, and you know how well THAT goes over w/us blondes! LOL! And if I sit here for too long, then MSN will eat my post and I'll loose everything I've said!
Okay, I'm 30 y/o, (I'll be 31 in Nov), my dh just turned 27 today, and I've already got 4 kids. My older 2 are from and live w/my ex, (LOOOOOONG story! I'm NOT touching it!), and the oldest is a boy, he'll be 14 in Oct. and the other's a girl who's 12. My younger 2 are from my husband, and they live w/us. they're both girls, one will be 8 this month, and the other will be 6 in Sept.
We currently live in southern California, in North San Diego county, and he has been in the military for the last 7 1/2 yrs. (one benifit of having another child now, would be that the ins. would take care of everything)
My ex and I have joint custody of the older 2 kids, but whatever parent the kids live with, the OTHER one is responsible for paying child support. So I have a big child support bill, b/c right after he got them, he IMMEDIATELY went on welfare and medical assistance and I had to pay back the state EVERY SINGLE DIME that they ever gave him AND everything that they covered in med. expenses. Yes, it's only fair that I help pay it and that I help take care of med. expenses, but look at it this way, I'm the one who's paying for ALL of it, not part of it, ALL of it. And he's not paying for ANY of it! He got $ from the state and the state got all that $ back from me, so not only did I have to pay for MY rent/utilities/bills/food/gas/ med. etc... I was also paying his full rent, + extra for his bills AND I was also paying all medical expenses w/NO ins. coverage! I don't care WHAT anyone says, that is NOT fair! Yes it's fair that I help, and yes it's fair that I pay some or even 50% of med. exp., but for me to have to pay it all 100% AND pay his full rent on top of it??? NO! That's NOT fair! Esp. when I have my own place/bills and other kids to take care of, too!
But whatever! You can't fight the system! What's done is done! so I had to pay all that $ back to Wisconsin state. Which, THEY are pd off, now, but in alll the years that it took me to GET them pd off, my current child support was falling further and further behind and I couldn't afford to pay both at the same time cuz I had 2 other kids, too. Plus I couldn't choose. They garnished my wages when I was working, and everything went to the state of Wisconsin and they gave him the 1st $50 and kept everything over that for "their" debt. Which I think is wrong, it should've at least been 50/50, cuz the kids need current support $, too!
But - you can't fight the system!
So my ch. spt. "bill" kept growing bigger and bigger while I was forced to pay off the state 1st. And, mind you, I wasn't always in a position where I was able to work, either. But that doesn't matter. Even if you don't have a job, you still build up current ch. spt. Otherwise EVERYONE would not have a job, just to get out of paying child support! LOL! There's still a monthly minimum, no matter what.
Now, I haven't worked since June 2nd, 2002. I haven't worked in 2 yrs! So you can imagine how high my ch. spt is now! I've made a few pymts here and there, but it's always been sporadic b/c I don't have a job and I don't have any income. Plus on top of that, they've been garnishing our tax returns. Not all of it, but some. Which is fine. I don't have a problem w/it. But my whole point is that now it's all snowballed and I currently own in the $7000 range for arrears. Which included current and past eccrued ch. spt.
Do I have the "right" to have another child when I feel that I can't even take care of the ones I've got???
I went back to school in July 2002, 5 wks after I stopped working, and I took a quick college course, so now I've got a certificate for being a medical assistant. So, cool, right? Since they're desparate for ppl in the med. field, right? Well, I grad. that program mid-May of 2003, and at the time, my dh was still gone w/themilitary (he was gone for 8 mos), and I couldn't afford to pay for full time child care for 2 kids, so the plan was for me to stay home w/the kids for the summer, (last summer, '03), and then when they went back to school in the fall, to go and get a job. which was fine, anyways, cuz our lease was up July 31st, and we were moving, so there was no sense in me getting a job, just to have to quit it in a month, anyways. Plus dh was comming home in Sept. so it should've worked out fine.
Well.
No, it didn't! (I'm starting a new thread, don't want msn to eat it!)
And before I get started, I want to let you know that I may have to do this in more than 1 post, cuz I have to think while I type, and you know how well THAT goes over w/us blondes! LOL! And if I sit here for too long, then MSN will eat my post and I'll loose everything I've said!
Okay, I'm 30 y/o, (I'll be 31 in Nov), my dh just turned 27 today, and I've already got 4 kids. My older 2 are from and live w/my ex, (LOOOOOONG story! I'm NOT touching it!), and the oldest is a boy, he'll be 14 in Oct. and the other's a girl who's 12. My younger 2 are from my husband, and they live w/us. they're both girls, one will be 8 this month, and the other will be 6 in Sept.
We currently live in southern California, in North San Diego county, and he has been in the military for the last 7 1/2 yrs. (one benifit of having another child now, would be that the ins. would take care of everything)
My ex and I have joint custody of the older 2 kids, but whatever parent the kids live with, the OTHER one is responsible for paying child support. So I have a big child support bill, b/c right after he got them, he IMMEDIATELY went on welfare and medical assistance and I had to pay back the state EVERY SINGLE DIME that they ever gave him AND everything that they covered in med. expenses. Yes, it's only fair that I help pay it and that I help take care of med. expenses, but look at it this way, I'm the one who's paying for ALL of it, not part of it, ALL of it. And he's not paying for ANY of it! He got $ from the state and the state got all that $ back from me, so not only did I have to pay for MY rent/utilities/bills/food/gas/ med. etc... I was also paying his full rent, + extra for his bills AND I was also paying all medical expenses w/NO ins. coverage! I don't care WHAT anyone says, that is NOT fair! Yes it's fair that I help, and yes it's fair that I pay some or even 50% of med. exp., but for me to have to pay it all 100% AND pay his full rent on top of it??? NO! That's NOT fair! Esp. when I have my own place/bills and other kids to take care of, too!
But whatever! You can't fight the system! What's done is done! so I had to pay all that $ back to Wisconsin state. Which, THEY are pd off, now, but in alll the years that it took me to GET them pd off, my current child support was falling further and further behind and I couldn't afford to pay both at the same time cuz I had 2 other kids, too. Plus I couldn't choose. They garnished my wages when I was working, and everything went to the state of Wisconsin and they gave him the 1st $50 and kept everything over that for "their" debt. Which I think is wrong, it should've at least been 50/50, cuz the kids need current support $, too!
But - you can't fight the system!
So my ch. spt. "bill" kept growing bigger and bigger while I was forced to pay off the state 1st. And, mind you, I wasn't always in a position where I was able to work, either. But that doesn't matter. Even if you don't have a job, you still build up current ch. spt. Otherwise EVERYONE would not have a job, just to get out of paying child support! LOL! There's still a monthly minimum, no matter what.
Now, I haven't worked since June 2nd, 2002. I haven't worked in 2 yrs! So you can imagine how high my ch. spt is now! I've made a few pymts here and there, but it's always been sporadic b/c I don't have a job and I don't have any income. Plus on top of that, they've been garnishing our tax returns. Not all of it, but some. Which is fine. I don't have a problem w/it. But my whole point is that now it's all snowballed and I currently own in the $7000 range for arrears. Which included current and past eccrued ch. spt.
Do I have the "right" to have another child when I feel that I can't even take care of the ones I've got???
I went back to school in July 2002, 5 wks after I stopped working, and I took a quick college course, so now I've got a certificate for being a medical assistant. So, cool, right? Since they're desparate for ppl in the med. field, right? Well, I grad. that program mid-May of 2003, and at the time, my dh was still gone w/themilitary (he was gone for 8 mos), and I couldn't afford to pay for full time child care for 2 kids, so the plan was for me to stay home w/the kids for the summer, (last summer, '03), and then when they went back to school in the fall, to go and get a job. which was fine, anyways, cuz our lease was up July 31st, and we were moving, so there was no sense in me getting a job, just to have to quit it in a month, anyways. Plus dh was comming home in Sept. so it should've worked out fine.
Well.
No, it didn't! (I'm starting a new thread, don't want msn to eat it!)

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I've talked to him over a dozen times about him getting a vasectomy. He refuses to do it. I've tossed around the idea of getting my own tubes tied, but it's more of a bigger thing for me to get it than him. It's a lot easier for a male to have it done, and it's a lot easier to reverse. AND it costs less money, AND there's no chance of me having a tubal pregnancy if he gets it done. And by his refusal to get it done, maybe he's not fully convinced that he doesn't want anymore, either. Plus, as you know, I'm not 100% sure that I don't want any more kids. So why get my tubes tied if I already know that I want another one? It's pointless. I was thinking about just sucking it up and doing it anyways. I have symptomatic gall stones, and I told my dh that if/when I go in to have my gall bladder removed, I'd get my tubes tied at the same time.
Make sense?
Yes, we have a more "casual" approach of b/c, but I wouldn't intentionally get preggo just cuz I want to and leave him in the dark about it. I want for him to say yes, too.
I'm not totally opposed to waiting another 2-3 yrs. I actually think it'd be best. But what I meant to say is that I wouldn't want to wait anymore than that.
You asked about the cervical cap. It's easy to insert, but it does take a certain level of comfort with your body to take it back out. You only need one finger, not your whole hand, but you do have to put your finger all the way in and give a pretty good tug to break the suction. I always do it in the shower, so it's pretty simple. I have never understood why the method isn't more popular, unless it's because some women don't want to have to get "intimate" with themselves to take it out. If my husband were about to leave for training and then deployment, I wouldn't want to have to skip a week or so every month!
I don't mean to lecture you on human biology, but I partly want to say this for anyone else who doesn't know. First, even if your cycle is normally very regular, you can still ovulate at unexpected times. Second, "pulling out" isn't really a b/c method, since men usually have semen in the "pre-come," (that little drop at the tip) which is produced as soon as they are aroused. Mother Nature's way of ensuring that it doesn't take much to get your mate pregnant.
It really sounds like the question with you and your DH is more WHEN to have another child rather than whether. You will know when the timing is right. Honestly, I am thrilled about this current pregnancy, but it would have been better to have waited a year, and I really wish we had. But I forgot to put my cap in--it's only a good method if you use it! Good luck!
Thelma
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