Do you mind...............?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 09-18-2006 - 10:56pm |
Hi everyone!
I am new here, but I enjoy looking at all your names you like. I have had my family and my name picking days are over.
My daughter is expecting my second grandchild and I try to be supportive in all decisions. I tell whatever name she and dh pick are fine and will love baby anyway so doesn't matter.
Do you all hate when people suggest names or express a like or dislike towards a particular name? Do you get defensive or offended? I just wondered.
I haven't said anything about the names they pick and don't suppose I should, after all is their decision but sometime I want to suggest something but stop myself, I really don't want to upset my dd. She picks out real cute name and I really do like them.
I wish sometimes someone would have said something to me. My sister did when I was pregnant with my first and loved the name but we had boy. I didn't mind her suggestions at all. But with my third my mil told me what to name baby boy or girl. I kind of resented it but liked her involvement unfortunately the names she wanted we didn't.
Just wondering.
Gammy to Alexis
PS I have a daughter that is 31 and absolutely hates her name, she will never forgive me for giving it to her. So guess you can not alway win.
Names of my kids:
Matthew Lawrence
Heather Danette (hates her name)
Kira Danielle

Hello and welcome.
What I've found- in both real life and on baby naming boards is that expecting parents tend to enjoy discussing names and most are even open to suggestions- but rarely do they truly consider anything other than what they originally mention or like OR rarely do you change their minds/tastes/styles.
I certainly think it's fine/fun for you to pipe in- so long as you do it in a
Ginger
Hi, welcome.
I love the name Kira! As far as suggestions, I think it's kind of fun when you're not pregnant to talk about names. Like between having my first and second daughters my mom and I talked a little about names. I got to know what things she liked etc, but when I was pregnant with my first I didn't want suggestions, and we did not share just so that we wouldn't hear opinions. And after our second daughter I shared what the boy's name for our 1st would've been -- since we couldn't use it anymore. (Our BIL has that name)
We're due with our 3rd, a son, and my mom is dying to know the name (me too!) But DH (dear husband) and I are still thinking it over. Though we did tell a lot of people this time the name we were thinking of and now may have changed it to something else.
I think I wouldn't suggest or comment too much because no matter what you say your daughter may still name her child that name and then you'll have already made comments about it.
Hope that helps!
Karen
I think Ginger is right about us tending to stick with the names that we come up with ourselves. I enjoy talking about names, and have had fun w/ my mother going through the family geneology looking for family names, but I rarely considered names suggested by other people.
I think the main reason is that when we're here on the boards, we're doing research and learning what names are popular and what they mean and many of us are forming definite ideas about what we like and dislike. Unfortunately, our moms and MIL's and friends who haven't been naming children recently don't know what the current trends are or what name meanings are. They tend to just suggest things that they've always liked, or that they heard while in the grocery store that sounded good. Sounding good is by far NOT the key criteria for me, and I really don't like trendy names, so when someone suggests Madison or Addison or Haley for my dd, I usually just smile and thank them and move on. It's nice of them to want to help, but their suggestions just don't usually work for my taste.
What IS annoying is when people say things in a nasty way about names that dh and I like, such as, "It sounds like you wanted a boy." or "So what else are you thinking of? (Translation: Please don't name her THAT!)" These kind of comments led to us shutting everyone out of the process at one point and just thinking of names ourselves, and then telling everyone when we had decided. That way they simply stopped criticizing or suggesting, and started thinking of her in terms of the name we chose, which they're all warming up to.
good luck,
Meredith
"Do you all hate when people suggest names or express a like or dislike towards a particular name? Do you get defensive or offended?"
I've got 4 sons now - 13, 10, 8 & 2 - so I think I'm done w/ having babies too (darn it!) but, yes, it aggravated me when someone suggested names UNLESS I 1st asked for ideas. My Mom suggested a few names (that we never used!) with each pregnancy & one name in particular. Finally, during my 4th pg I got agitated w/ her & told her that, no, we weren't going to use that name, that we didn't like the name, & that she had already suggested it w/ EVERY pg. It was obvious that I was irked. She also let me know when I suggested names that she didn't like. This all happened during my 4th pg. Finally we decided on a name that we hadn't even mentioned to anyone since everyone had such varying opinions. It threw everyone for a loop!
I've finally learned - now that I'm done having babies - that you really shouldn't talk about name choices w/ family/friends unless you're really thick-skinned! It's best to just announce the name at the same time as baby's birth. I do think that getting anonymous opinions from places like these boards is easier, though.
I don't mind suggestions, but when family actually says they don't like something, it kinda hurts, but not to the point where I get mad. My DS's name is Weston, and most of my friends and family liked it when I told them, but there was a couple older relatives that I could tell didn't like it. Now they have both admited to me that they love his name, even though they weren't sure about it at first, and that they can't imagine calling him anything else! So I guess in the end, the kid makes the name, not the other way around. Good luck with you new grandbaby.
Michelle
Honestly - I hate suggestions from family members. This is MY baby and they have already had theirs .... this is my fourth and I have felt this way each time.
I think we will keep the babies name a secret this time around once we decide on it. I don't want to hear comments from family members if they dislike it.
Tracy
Thanks for all of your responses. I agree, I don't think my dd cares if I mention something I like as long as I know she and dh get the final say. I respect that, I told her I wish someone would have said something to me about family names, but no one did until way after I had my babies and you know back then (at 20) I didn't think to ask.
You are all great people and I respect your comments always. I enjoy learning about new names. I just think it is interesting.
By the way, I love all my kids names, and knowing what I know now I still DO NOT think I would change any of them. Especially Heather I still really just love that name. Even with all her moaning and groaning. LOL (I might have used my mother's or grandmothers' names, some way, but maybe one of my kids will).
Gammy
My thing is that I'd love people to ASK if I'm interested in their input.
It might sound picky as a distinction, but it honestly makes a giant difference to me if they ask instead of just tromping in.
My problem has been with my mom who wants to know and asks point blank what my list is, but then has big reactions to names (up to including 'Ugh, no!' which thoroughly tainted a name and it had to come off the list.)
But when she's ASKED me - 'Oh, I heard some cute names' - I almost always say I'd love to hear them.
First of all, I think it's really considerate of you to even ask this question! I think most people (my mom included) just leap into their likes and dislikes without thinking of how we might feel.
I'm expecting my second son in a couple of weeks (yay!) and last time I made the mistake of telling my mom some of the names on our list. One was Tanner, and she was like, "UGH, no! That's a country-Western name!" Then she proceeded to sit there with my ILs and say, "let's go through the alphabet: what "A" names do I like?" After Carter was born, she again told me how much she hated Tanner. Well, guess what's at the top of my H's list for this baby? You guessed it.
Best of luck to your daughter and sweet new grandbaby! :-)