Does your DH's family drive you nuts ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2004
Does your DH's family drive you nuts ?
18
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 4:54pm
Both of us come from large families.We are very close with both families which has it's good and bad points.Right now I wish I lived in Australia.That would be very far away from my MIL and SIL.My SIL,Julie,is pregnant for the 1st time.You would think that no one else in the whole world had ever been pregnant.Her parents fawn over her every minute.She throughly investigates evry baby product,stroller,crib,etc.The rest of us that have children no nothing about anything.

She is insistent an getting a Bugaboo(I don't know if that is spelled correctly)stroller.It is the only one "suitable" for her child.I told her that my MacClaren was wonderful but she turned her rhinoplastied nose up at it. She is getting some round crib that "makes the baby fill more secure".I think it costs $1000.My inlaws are buying all of this stuff dor her.

I guess I am a little jealous since we bought all most every thing for the triplets.My DH was just starting out in his job when they were born so we didn't have lots of money.My parents helped us with $3000.His parents bought us car seats.I know I should not feel jealous.That is so wrong to be like that.But I am.Plus we are having twins,too.

My MIL gave SIL a shower(she doesn't have many friends) on SUnday.Mostly it was family and MIL's friends.SIL got $1000s in gifts including the bugaboo stroller($900) from DH's grandmother,crib fromhis parents,carseat(Britax)from Aunt Ellen,Peg Perego High Chair,etc.She got $100 Christian Dior outfits.She is having a boy.She will not say what they are naming him.Sorry that I am whining.

Then at the shower MIL asked in front of everyone what we were naming our babies.I said we didn't know.She pushed and pushed until I said that I liked Miranda.She said she hated that.She said I should use Rosa(yuck) or Harriet(yuck,DH Great Grandma name).I tried to be nice and say we would think about it.She kept saying she wanted me to say yes in front of all of these people so I couldn't go back on it.i was almost in tears.Then she said she hated Margaret Arabella.She said Daisy was such an old fashioned name.Why didn't I use names like madison or Sage or MacKenzie ? She said Liza just made people think of "ugly Liza Minelli".She said Christian was also a stupid name.I should have used Christopher.

I ended up just leaving early.I said I didn't feel well which was true.When I told DH he said just ignore it.

Now he thinks maybe Madison Rosa and Mackenzie Harriet are good names.No WAy !!!!

Am I wrong ?

I don't even know any names that I like any more.

MIL called and said "I hope you don't use those old fashioned,British sounding names".

So can anyone come up with really old fashioned British sounding names ???

I like Sophie,Charlotte,Camille,Annabelle,Caroline,Helen,Sarah.I will use old fashioned British names just because I like them but also because MIL is a pain in the A--- !

Thanks,

Jenni

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 2:19am
Hi Steph! I had to email you (I am the one who did the original post back in Sept., I think, about concerns about the spelling of Niamh!) because we must have very similar taste in names! If I have a girl, we both are going to have a Niamh (I'm still not positive what to do about the spelling) and my little almost 2 yr old girl's name is Fiona! My husband is from Ireland, so we have decided to stick with the Irish/Gaelic names. Wow- I can't believe the stuff your mil has been saying about the names. Not nice at all! If we have a boy, he will either be named Liam or Shea. I have done a post about Shea on here because I have heard that people think it is a girl's name (although in Ireland, it is strictly a boy's name). Well, I just wanted to get in touch because of the Niamh and Fiona coincidence! Good luck and I hope that you are feeling well. Take care!

--Bridget
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Fri, 11-05-2004 - 9:58am
The name you love will last for ever, why take madison or Sage or MacKenzie( scottish clanname) that will die out of fasion.

It will be so 2000 names instead of beutiefull classic.


Sophie,Charlotte,Camille,Annabelle,Caroline,Helen,Sarah and Miranda are so beutieful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 4:12pm
Do NOT let your MIL sway your decision. Miranda is a great name, along with the others you mentioned in your post. What about Miranda Helen? It's really classic, easily spelled and pronounced, and your MIL hates it. It's perfect! ;}

I agree with the other posters that your MIL's naming privilegdes are over. Also, it sounds like this relationship will not be saved by giving in to her naming demands. You may also be likely to resent using a name that reminds you of the awful party situation when you use it.

Just keep telling everyone the twins' names are a surprise and that you've decided not to share them until the babies are born.

My fave combos from your list:

Miranda Helen

Charlotte Sarah

Sophie Caroline

Good luck and stay healthy for all those little ones!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2004
Wed, 11-10-2004 - 10:08pm
You poor thing!!!

The key here is that this baby is YOURS and DH. Pick a name that you love and who cares if they don't like it.

I LOVE the name Miranda and think that Miranda Rose is beautiful

Also other good combos:

Camille Rose ( I know a 5yo with this name)

Sarah Caroline

Charlotte Rose

Annabelle Sarah

Good luck to you....BTW, what is darling SIL naming her son??? Is it to your MIL's approval??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 1:58am
I think your MIL is a twin to my MIL! Michael and I had chosen Abigail Rose for the girl's name during my second pregnancy. Then we decided since our firstborn DD shared a middle name w/my mother and me (Louise is all of our mns) we'd honor MIL and use her mn, Ruth. We were excited when we told her of our decision: Abigail Ruth. She pitched a fit! Ab-ee-gail! Ab-ee-gail! In a moment of pure orneriness, I threw out my favorite closet name, Isabella! (Evelyn Isabelle is my g'mother's name. She had 2 Evelyn namesakes, but no one had ever used the Isabelle) Michael decided he LOVED Isabella Ruth 100 times more than Abigail Ruth. From that moment on, MIL didn't say a word about the name, but she never referred the baby as anything but a BOY! She'd come into the L&D room asking WHEN'S THIS BOY GONNA BE BORN?

Fast forward EIGHT years: We get pregnant while I'm on bc pills AND after I've had 2 surgeries & taken 6 months of Lupron shots for endometriosis. I was told at age 19 to only expect to have until I was 24-25 y/o for childbearing. I was 1 month shy of being 32 when I found out! Needless to say it was CELEBRATION time in our house. From the beginning, it was BOY BOY BOY. Then we found out it was a THIRD baby girl w/cysts on her kidneys. I wanted her named FAST! I wanted a name for the prayer lists she was being added to. I bought a baby name book (huge, thick one) and handed it to Michael. He was suppose to give me a list of names he like. I would choose a name from that list. He came home with Rhiannon. It was his favorite song. However, our last name made it a no go. Next he came home w/Drusilla. I cried bucketloads of tears. Next he found, Lilibet. It was the rumored nn of Queen Elizabeth II. It would help honor is favorite Aunt Betty. We found I had a g'g'g'mother named Lily. The spelling got changed to Lilybet. Rhian (Ree-an) got added to honor his favorite song. MIL actually told me: Well, you know Michael, he'll change his mind several times before that baby is born.

Did I mention, when Michael went to tell MIL I was pregnant, MIL started crying and telling him HOW ARE YOU GONNA TELL YOUR SISTER? His sister had miscarried over a month before. She was 5 weeks pregnant and had only known she was pregnant 2 days. Now, I'm not saying that didn't hurt...but that was MILs reaction! My older DDs had got to share the GOOD news and came home in tears at MILs negative reaction.

Same MIL bought a towel set, two dresses and a shelf (the shelf SIL didn't want) for Lilybet. SIL got pregnant October after Lilybet was born...MIL is STILL buying for her SON. MIL actually called and asked how POOR MIKE was taking the news that SIL got a SON and he didn't!

Sorry for that novel...but I'm sitting on the same fence with ya when it comes to ILs! Heck, I was expected...and did...throw the shower for SILs baby. Me, my sister, my Momma and ONE Of SILs friends! During the shower, Michael's half sisters sat and made fun of my Momma and my sister...more than once! I went home in tears. Michael called my sister and Momma and apologized for his sister's behavior. We haven't seen or heard from them since. No plans to either.

AND since SIL's new baby has been born, MIL has smarted off to me multiple times in front of Michael...she used to only when he wasn't present. Now that he's seen her treatment of me, he's not so apt to tell me to forget about it!

Amy~mom to Patrisha Louise, Isabella Ruth & Lilybet Rhian; ages 12, 9 & 17mos.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 2:19am
and after my novel...

Your MIL wants Madison or MacKenzie? Then turns around with Harriet and Rosa? That's opposite ends of the name game, lady! Madison and MacKenzie are exetremely common in our area. Harriet and Rosa are those 'aren't even making a comeback yet' names.

I can't tell if you have children named Margaret, Liza and Daisy..or if you just like the names! BUT I will tell you those names are getting more play time than Harriet and Rosa!

I'm the member of a June 2003 board. We have a 16 mo. old Margaret (no nn) on our board. She is the sister to a 5 y/o, Everett.

We have a Lilith Morgaine, Lilybet Rhian, Lilly Isabella, Lily (I can't remember her middle name) & a Lilybeth Rhyannon, nn Beth. So, I'd think Lily would be so bad! LOL!

We have an Honora (uh-nor-uh) Rose who's new baby sister will be Liadan (Lee-uh-den) Both are Irish names.

We have a 3 y/o sibling named Fiona!

We have a Wilhemina Yvonne, nn Nina!

Personally, I wanted more unique names for my children. I was an Amy in the ERA of Amys. My DH is one a gazillion Michaels.

Other GIRL names we loved: Aliza (has a different meaning than Eliza) Beatrice, Carolina, Estella, Esmeralda, Esperanza, Emanuella, Elspeth, Elsbeth, Gwyneth, Gwyndolyn, Helena, Ingrid, Josefina, Linnea/Lynnea (Lin-nay-uh) Millicent, Natalie/Natalyn, Octavia, Pamela...

Other BOY names we loved: Ahearn, Benjamin, Charles (my Daddy) Douglas (my uncle) Dermitt, Donovan, Everhett, Estaban, Gabriel, Gavin, Gideon, Harrison, Josiah, Jedric, Jedidiah (love nn Jed) Kendrick, Keaton, Keithan, Keifer, Lemar (brother) Lawler, Maverick, Manning (means 'son of a hero') Orrin, Patrick, Quaid, Rhett, Rafferty, Sullivan, Tavish, Vincent, Wesley.......

We had Vincent Lee, nn Vince chosen had Patrisha been a son. Lee is FILs nn. I'm glad we didn't have a son...because later I figured out LEE is way overused on Michael's side! Then I went into premature labor on St. Patrick's Day and for about 2 hours (before an u/s showed a GIRL) we decided on Patrick Louis. It was the masculine form of our girl name, Patrisha Louise.

We chose Spenser Lynn during my second pregnancy. Lynn is Michael's mn.

We had Everhett Quaid, nn Rhett chosen for my third pregnancy. Everett was the man who raised my Momma's mn (stepfather) Quaid is a family surname on my side!

Of the names, I'd only use Everhett Quaid now...the others seem too common!

Good luck finding that perfect name...and just ignore your MIL! She won't be happy with any of your name choices. So, don't even figure her into the equation. I'd be hard up not to tell her I was planning to name the baby Gertrude or Hercamer! I think those names would shut her up!


Amy~mom to Patrisha Louise, Isabella Ruth & Lilybet Rhian; ages 12, 9 & 17mos.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 11:56am
I am so sorry - I guess we got on the 'World's Worst In-laws' boat together! After we named our ds my dh's aunt asked my mother why in the world we would name him that - that isn't a name that they would use in 'their' family. What in the world does that mean? ANYWAY - name your babies whatever you want to!!!!! I am with you - if she says she likes them make sure you don't use them!!!!! Trust me no matter what names you use she will tell you she doesn't like them. Could you or dh have enought nerve to just tell her in no uncertain terms that if she has nothing nice to say don't say anything at all?? And don't give her anymore time to come up w/ put downs for names you might use - tell her you aren't saying, and don't ask again! On the financial side - my mil/fil just built a huge new house, but gave our kids left over stuffed toys for Christmas last year (yep thats it) and then nothing all this year! (they even forgot our ds's bday!) ---Thanks for openning the topic - I think it has been helpful for lots of people to get stuff off their chest!!!!

Just take a deep breath and good good luck! When are the twins due?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Fri, 11-12-2004 - 1:00pm
Oh my gosh, Jenni. You poor thing. My BIL and SIL are annoying at times (they dislike the girl's name we picked out and came up with several unflattering nicknames), so I can relate. But your MIL sounds extraordinarily infuriating.

You sound like a pretty patient person. I would definitely have told your MIL to keep her obnoxious opinions to herself and would refuse to share any more names with her... until after the name was on the birth certificate.

Daisy is old fashioned, but Rosa and HARRIET aren't? Harriet, especially sounds very old-fashioned and British. So I don't understand why she would dislike the old-fashioned, British names you're considering. This woman sounds impossible to please and I'm totally on board with your idea of intentionally naming your twins something very very British and old fashioned (since you like those names anyway). :)

Here are a few of the old fashioned, British-sounding names I like (several are on your list):

Caroline

Camilla or Camille

Jillian or Lillian

Leticia (LeTISHa or LeTEESHa)

Charlotte

Anabel

Annelise

Anna

Helene or Helena

Henrietta (may be too similar to Harriet)

Eliza

Margaret

Katherine

Elizabeth or Elisabet

These are kind of out there, but I thought I'd throw them out:

Rowena

Edwina

Verbena

Hang in there! Try to think of your MIL/SIL as ridiculous and a source of amusing stories for your family and friends! My friends and I like to swap in-law stories (we all have one or more in-laws from hell), so when my BIL/SIL say something particularly moronic/rude I know my rational and sympathetic friends/mother will see the insanity in the comments and that makes me feel better.

Good luck to you!

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