Honest opinion please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Honest opinion please!
10
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 12:58pm

Hi...since I value your opinions, I thought I'd post this and get your honest feedback about a naming issue we are having. Here goes...we finally told our daughters (my stepdaughters) last night that we are expecting...talk about excitement! =o) Anyway, of course right away they want to name the baby!! We all kind of decided we like Olivia or Tessa for a girl and for a boy the name we all agree on is John. DH & I really like it because it's strong and simple, not trendy and not too common. Here's the dilemma...my first husband's name was John. He died of leukemia in 2002 after a short 2 month battle. DH and DDs are all totally ok with naming a boy John, but I'm not sure how I feel about it. My DH has been so great about everything in regards to my beloved John and still helps me get through the days when it is not so easy for missing him so. DH has been my rock and saving grace and I think, if he's ok with it, why shouldn't I be thrilled and go with it?!? I guess I just want to hear everybody else's take on this situation. What would you do?

TIA! I really appreciate all of you and the fantastic advice you all so freely give.

Have a wonderful day!

Steph

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 1:11pm

Steph,

I don't think it's unreasonable for you to have doubts about naming your son John. It's a name that already has many attachments. If I was in your situation, I honestly don't think I could name my son after my first husband, especially considering the circumstances. It would be really hard for me to do so. I also think if you explain your feelings to your husband and stepdaughters, that they would be more than understanding.

Those are just my thoughts. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to this. You just have to go with your heart. Would you perhaps consider using the name Jack instead of John? Or maybe using John as a MN?

I wish you all the best!

Avatar for midwestmom2000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 1:23pm

It would be a bit weird for me to name a child after a former husband - no matter how much you love the name or loved the man.

There are a lot of other strong, underused names out there that you and your DH might like as well as John.

Grant
Charles
Harrison
Lawrence
Thomas
Robert
Richard
Steven
Gregory
James
Craig
Blake
Eric
Aaron
Mark
Troy
Wade
Mitchell
Oliver

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 2:03pm
First, John is a tremendous name. It is what my husband and I want to use if we have a boy someday. Second, if your dh and dd's are fine with using it, you should be too. You are not "naming" the child for your first husband...it is a coincidence...and believe me, he will meet many other John's in his life! I think it's a fine thing to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 2:27pm

If John were your EX-husband's name, then I'd say that's a little weird. But, then again, if it was your ex-husband's name, you probably wouldn't be so OK with using it yourself... :-). But the name has very positive connotations for you, and even more than that, it is a name full of meaning. What a blessing you've had to have two great loves in your life and to have been able to build what is obviously a full, happy life after such a devastating loss. I think it says a lot about your current husband and step-children, and the strength of your marriage, that they are all fine with using a name that has so much meaning for you. Also, John is just a great name. I say go for it. It seems to me, from reading your post, that naming your son John would not remind you of the sadness you felt when you lost your husband, but would instead make you remember him fondly and remind you of how thankful we have to be for every day we share with our loved ones.

I like Olivia fine, but I just love the name Tessa. I also like the sound of Olivia Tess. I don't think you can make a mistake...they're both very good, strong names that will be as suitable on an infant as an adult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 2:42pm

Ladies...thanks for the replies! It's great to be able to post on something so personal and get such honest, heartfelt feedback!

Thanks again!

Steph

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 4:37pm

First of all, I really like all the names you have mentioned, especially John (my 14 yo DS is John). I also think it is very sweet that your DH and DDs are OK with naming a son after your first husband - they must be very special folks.

That said, if you are not entirely comfortable with naming a child after your first husband, I'd try to find something else or use it as a middle name that wouldn't be used much. It's a great name, but it may just carry too many memories with it at this point.

For some other suggestions (and I apologize for any repeats - I didn't look at the other suggestions):

Mark
Roger
David
Craig
James
Scott
Kenneth

Good luck and congratulations!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 7:17pm

When you think of the name John, do you automatically associate it with your late husband or do you just think of the name in general? If you associate it with him, I would advise against it. Maybe as a middle name, but I personally dont think I would do that. My best friend lost her husband in August of 2004. He was stationed in Iraq and never made it home, so I know what all you went through. His name was Jacob. She is in another relationship now, and she has told me before she would like to name a future son Andrew Jacob. Its honoring him, but without making dh uncomfortable. Best of luck!

J.P.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 10:28am
Your gut is telling you no. I would put John in the middle name spot, if anywhere. There are lots of great strong names out there like John.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 10:44am
I love the name John too. You know your husband- are you positive he is HAPPY with the name for his son, or merely OK with it. I would just be sure about that first.
I love the name Tessa!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 12:02pm

DH is actually the one who suggested John as he really likes the name! If it's up to him, that will be our baby boy's name for sure!

Steph

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