How Harold Got His Surname

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
How Harold Got His Surname
5
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 10:28am

How Harold Got His Surname
Solamen David's tongue-in-cheek story of surnames

Tax collectors treaded timidly when approaching Harold the son of Robert "fame, bright." He might be the offspring of one of William the Norman's noblemen, or worse, their future employer, a king. Tax collector fingers might be flicked in the face of a Saxon and drawn back to the bosom with bounty; but if one flicked his fingers in the face of a Norman, it might be his final flick, especially in Wales whence Roberts hails. Better to bow and cow and hope somehow filled fingers might flick another day. There was always a Celt whose heart would melt when he pondered the pain of a pointy pike, which tax collectors oft used in spite.

These are the first names the name computer recommends for ROBERTS boys, but only if you wish to nurture precocious gifted joys: Allain Bainard Christafar Elazer Emory Jonne Merton Monte Rodger Steffon Tobey Allan Barnard Caspar Dallas Garrard Haldan Maynard Nathan Waylan Christopher Kristofer Kristopher Lionel Nicholes Nikoles David Jeremy Lee Patric Steven Wiliam

Julia Oprah Kriss Lily Luanne Missy Brigid Brigitt Chrissi Khristi Krissi Anthea Arnetha Athena Candace Jeana Joan Jona Loral Raella Sonjah Svetlana Daniella Gabriella Isabela Joani Jonia Polina Tracy the computer recommends for ROBERTS girls, but only if you wish to nurture precocious gifted pearls.

Unfamiliar with spellings? Place "Bainard PhD" in your Google.

Caveat: No middle names; spell it as the computer.

SolamenDavid
jasus@cox-internet.com

What first names signify success with your last name? Reply to this post; my computer will tell you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 11:01am

Frequently Asked Questions

Q. Why won't the computer recommend first+middle+last names?
A. Jesus rejected the f+m+l three-name system of the Roman Empire when he renamed Simon; Simon's mother named Simon to fail; Jesus renamed him to succeed, Simon+Peter first+last no middle name.

Q. Christopher+Reeve is the name of a second-degree murderer and three men who were paralyzed in sporting accidents. If my last name is Reeve, will the computer recommend Christopher as a first name?
A. The computer will never recommend a name with multiple occurrence of tragedy.

Q. If my last name has E-E-E vowels like Reeve but is a different surname, will the computer eliminate all names with E-I-O vowels like Christopher when recommending first names?
A. Most likely yes.

Q. If my last name has different vowels from Reeve, but the only two consonants are R-V or V-R, will the computer eliminate all names with consonants C-H-H-P-R-R-S-T like Christopher even if the vowels are not E-I-O?
A. Most likely yes. The computer will most likely eliminate all vowel and consonant combinations found in the names of pedophiles, sexual predators, murderers, and persons with catastrophic accident histories. The first names the computer recommends, according to the Simon+Peter model, have vowel and consonant combinations found in the names of 747 Nobel Prize winners, 696 World's Richest, 974 CEOs of US corporations, 8000 PhD professors, and 50,000 other names of the most successful human beings who have lived in the past 1000 years.

SolamenDavid
jasus@cox-internet.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 3:09pm
Just curious, what Girl names go good with the last names Haynes and Greer?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 5:33pm
How about a name to go with Garlanger ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 12-29-2004 - 10:24pm
My last name is Pope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Thu, 12-30-2004 - 12:48am
Cool... I have to try this. What about names to go with Westerfeld?