How Harold Got His Surname
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 12-27-2004 - 12:46pm |
How Harold Got His Surname
Solamen David's tongue-in-cheek story of surnames
By the time surname LUCAS came to the fore, first tax collectors, face up on the floor, did recline in pine boxes. Tax collector had met undertaker and the undertaker always had the final say. Serfs felt relief, which soon turned to grief when they saw the throng; ten more came along, and their pikes were even pointier and their purses even puffier. Taxmen were here to stay.
The Norman army, whom The Vatican looked upon as their giant collection agency, had brought to England in 1066 AD the names of the apostles, prophets and evangelists, names esteemed by the masses too sacred for ordinary offspring. But by the conclusion of the Crusades the effects of familiarity had assuaged superstition and the name of the evangelist Luke "light" became the etymon of several surnames, the most popular being LUCAS.
George "Light" dreamed up a company, Industrial "Light" & Magic, placed a "light" saber in the hands of Jedi knights, and has brought delight on many a night to the Internal Revenue Service.
ADOLPH ANTHANY CAESAR CARLTON CONAN DARIAN DENNIS GEORGE HAMILTON JAUHN JOSSEPH KOREY MAX MICHAAL NIGEL NOAH NOLAN PHILIP RICH ROBART ROHAN SHAUN STUART TED WES the computer recommends for LUCAS boys, but only if you long for precocious gifted joys.
ANDRIA ANGELINA ANJELIKA CATHERINE CORINNA DANA DEB DEBBY DORA ELLANA FIONA GRACIELA HEATHER ISABELLE IZABELA JEANNA JOANN KATRINA LORLENE MARGARET MARGO MARGOT MARIAN MARINA MICCAELA MONIKA NOELLE NORAH PHYLLIS PORSCIA RHONA ROMA ROSALIND SHANNAH SOMMER SONYA SUSAN URSULA VANA VANESSA the computer recommends for LUCAS girls, but only if you long for precocious gifted pearls.
Unfamiliar with spellings? Place "Robart PhD" in your Google.
Caveat: No middle names; spell it as the computer.
SolamenDavid
jasus@cox-internet.com
What first names work well with your last name? Reply to this post and I will tell you.

Frequently Asked Questions
Q. Why won't the computer recommend first+middle+last names?
A. Jesus rejected the f+m+l three-name system of the Roman Empire when he renamed Simon; Simon's mother named Simon to fail; Jesus renamed him to succeed, Simon+Peter first+last no middle name.
Q. Christopher+Reeve is the name of a second-degree murderer and three men who were paralyzed in sporting accidents. If my last name is Reeve, will the computer recommend Christopher as a first name?
A. The computer will never recommend a name with multiple occurrence of tragedy.
Q. If my last name has E-E-E vowels like Reeve but is a different surname, will the computer eliminate all names with E-I-O vowels like Christopher when recommending first names?
A. Most likely yes.
Q. If my last name has different vowels from Reeve, but the only two consonants are R-V or V-R, will the computer eliminate all names with consonants C-H-H-P-R-R-S-T like Christopher even if the vowels are not E-I-O?
A. Most likely yes. The computer will most likely eliminate all vowel and consonant combinations found in the names of pedophiles, sexual predators, murderers, and persons with catastrophic accident histories. The first names the computer recommends, according to the Simon+Peter model, have vowel and consonant combinations found in the names of 747 Nobel Prize winners, 696 World's Richest, 974 CEOs of US corporations, 8000 PhD professors, and 50,000 other names of the most successful human beings who have lived in the past 1000 years.