how a parent's last name affects a kid
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how a parent's last name affects a kid
| Wed, 06-16-2004 - 8:35pm |
I was married about a year ago. I never intended to change my last name. And I didn't. I was talking with a co-worker and his response to learning that I wouldn't change my name was: "What about your kids? They will have a different last name!" He seemed a bit too worried to me.
My gut reaction was that well, he/she will still be my kid same last name or not. Plus, with all of the divorces around it seems children often have different names then one of their parents anyway. I like my last name. I was born with it. It connects me to my parents and my extended family. I'll never change it. But I confess that it does bother me a little bit that my child's last name will be different from mine. I've considered using my last name as a middle name for a child. And since my last name is also a first name (Dora) it could work. We'll see.
In the meantime I wanted to know if some of you didn't change your name or hyphenated, etc and what all of you think about your last name's affect on the kids?
-peggy


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I would have used the hyphenated LN for my children, too. But then I realised that I love longer FNs, like mine and DH's. I don't want to saddle my kids or myself with that extreme last name.
So, I dropped my MN (It was Ann ~ very common, so I wasn't stuck on it) and used my maiden name instead. It helps me feel like I'm still connected, name-wise, with my family.
My dad is the last of his line. I have a sister, though, maybe she'll forgo taking her husband's (she's not married yet ~ not even at all close!) LN when (and if) she weds.
That's just my 2cents. Doesn't really advise you in any way, but hey :)
~ Liz, wife to Chris and mom to Christopher and Nicholas
I wanted to have the same last name as my children, but I didn't want to totally lose my identity. That seemed like a perfect compromise. My letterhead (I'm an attorney), my checks and my credit cards all have my maiden name (now my middle name) spelled out - not just an initial.
Maybe I would have thought differently if I didn't have a maiden name that was constatnly misspelled and mispronounced. As it was, I was happy to get a new, easier last name (even though it starts with a Z).
I didn't want to give my children a hyphenated name because I felt if would limit daughters. If her name was Madison Kaylee Smith-Jones what would she do when she married? What would happen if she wanted to hyphenate? Would she become Madison Kaylee Smith-Jones_Williams? I was also concerned that a boy with a hyphenated name wouldn't be able to have his wife hyphenate if she really wanted to. DOes this make sense or am I just rambling?
The other problem with hyphenating is that if your husband doesn't hyphenate too you will still have a different last name than him. You (Smith-Jones) would be under "S" in the phone book and he (JOnes) would be under "J" in the phone book.
Edited 6/30/2004 4:26 pm ET ET by partly_cloudy1224
At that time SIL married her 4th husband. They decided to move to another country. In order to get a fresh start, SIL decided to change her name from Susan Jones to Susan Landon (remember that was her grandmother's maiden name). She was very close to her grandmother and wanted that name instead of her original maiden name because she hated her father (could that be why she's been married 5 times? hmmmmmm). SInce she wanted to have the same last name as her daughter she decided to change her daughter's last name. She couldn't just change the last name because her daughter would then be Katherine Landon Landon. So she also had to change the MN. She chose Anne which was her mother's MN. So her daugher became Katherine Anne Landon.
After one year of marriage to her 4th husband (last name Brown) SIL decided to change her daughter's name to Katherine Anne Landon-Brown. The 4th husband never adopted Katherine though. Two years later, after SIL divorced her 4th husband, Katherine went back to being Katherine Anne Landon. SIL recently remarried, but I'm pretty sure that she hasn't changed her daugher's name (yet).
So to summarize, within 8 years my niece has had the following names:
*Katherine Landon Smith
*Katherine Landon Jones
*Katherine Anne Landon
*Katherine Anne Landon-Brown
*Kathering Anne Landon
I also changed my MN to my maiden name.
I can see how a kid would be affected if you gave them a hyphenated last name; I've always wondered, what if a Jennifer Smith-Jones married a Thomas Johnson-Brown? I can't imagine the logistics!!!
As far as Mom having a different name as everyone else, I personally can't imagine it, for myself anyway. I feel as though we are one unit "The X family" as opposed to "The X & Y family". But, it must work for a lot of people because I see it all the time, especially when I worked at a pharmacy in a more affluent area.
Good luck!
Michelle
Hope that Helps!
Megan
I wish I had kept it as a middle name but I already have a middle name & my LN can't really pass as a middle name BUT professionally (I'm a teacher) I am listed under both my maiden and married name but the students call my by my maiden name. Otherwise with friends and family and pretty much anywhere else I go (dr's, dentist etc) I am known as Laura Schmidt.
In Europe, for instance Italy, the women have never ever changed their LN's to their DH's. It's customary there to keep your maiden name on all documentation but when they refer to you as Mrs. "So & So" they use your DH's LN. Different huh?!?!? It would be so much easier if we grew up that way too, then the decision wouldn't be so difficult. Actually I think in Montreal, Quebec, Canada women don't change their names either! The children do take the father's LN in both Italy and Montreal.
But personally, with what we are accustomed to...I think I'd prefer my parents to have the same LN (if still married) and therefore would like my child to have parents with the same LN.
That's just my two cents....I don't however think there's a right or wrong way....it's personal preference but I'm glad to see that some people are thinking about the future when our children find their true love and end up having a harder time not only figuring out whether they will take each other's LN...but what they will use for their children when they have 4 LN's to choose from!!!
Again, personally...I say....KISS = Keep It Simple Silly! :D
Laura
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