I am feeling selfish, I need advice bad

Avatar for ribrit
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2001
I am feeling selfish, I need advice bad
2
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 11:30am

I don't know what to do. When we tried to name our first 2 children, dh was awful. He would always pick a name contrary to any name I had picked and as soon as I came around to being ok with it, he would suddenly declare that he hates it. When he wants it, he would be dramatic and say his life will be so incomplete if he doesn't have a child by that name. But then as soon as I agree to it, he changes his mind.

After the 2nd baby and before trying to conceive the 3rd baby, we had a long talk about it and he agreed that the reason he picked only names he thought I did not like and would change the name if I agreed to it, is because he would not feel like he picked the name by himself if I liked the name. He purposefully would look for a name I did not like. He apologized and told me that he wanted me to name all future babies.

Then I got pregnant with #3 and he insisted on a particular name. We used that name.

Then with #4, he stepped aside and let me name that one. Same with #5. Only he did not back off until after the baby was born. He waited until the baby was 4 or 5 days old before he would let me name him. Basically, he would insist on names I could not stand. He insisted on Jeffrey. Jeffrey would be ok, only it is the name of my first cousin and in my family, you do not steal names of cousins! I have a small closeknit extended family. He was unwilling to accept or respect any traditions of my family that were important to me. Plus, he has a cousin named Jeff who is awful! His cousin lives in the area and I am revolted by him.

It causes a lot of depression and sadness for me to not be allowed to call the baby by a name because of dh's flakiness and controllingness (is that a word?).

DH said he likes the names Ethan and Emily. I don't exactly object to those names. They aren't neccesarily what I would have picked if I were picking on my own, but this pregnancy was completely unplanned so I had no names in mind yet anyway.

I feel like the selfish one this time. I am ok with those names, but I feel like just looking for a different name that is all mine! Is that insane or what? I don't have any names I like better than those anyway, I have no names in mind in particular. Maybe Emma or Olivia. But really, it is not like I had a particular name since I was 5 yrs old that I desparately want to use. It is not like dh picked names that he knows I will not use. I feel so guilty, but I have this nagging feeling to be contrary to dh just because he did it to me and because of what I have gone through in the past.

Aren't I awful?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 5:47pm

I am sure a lot of this is due to your hormones of pregnancy. I think in most cases, its very hard to pick names for a baby, and even worse when one seems to want the control over the naming issue. My only advice to you is to maybe just sit back and relax and let him have his names and you have yours. Then when the baby is born, you-hopefully-can both look at the baby and agree on the perfect name. (That is what I am hoping will happen for Dh and I for this, our third boy due in 8 days!)

Good luck and don't let yourself get so stressed. Enjoy your pregnancy!

Theresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2005
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 7:57pm

First of all, don't feel bad. I don't think how you're feeling is selfish at all.

Why don't you have your husband make up a list (a whole list, not just two names that are "THE ONLY ONES") and you make up a list (without peeking) and compare them and see if any of the names appear on both lists. Or try listing out your children's names and see if there are any trends that appear (they all have two l's or they're all Biblical names or something) and then make a list of names that fit those trends. You can rank them by your favorites and he can rank them by his favorites and then come up with the top one for both of you.

My husband and I are having a really hard time naming our third, so I can only imagine what struggles you're going through! Good luck!

Kara

Photobucket


Than