Ideas for compromising on names?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Ideas for compromising on names?
4
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 11:15pm

Before DS was born, our naming procedure consisted of me making suggestions and DH shooting them all down until one was left that he didn't hate. I was hoping to get him more actively involved this time, with some positive input.
I am curious if anyone has used a method to pick a name with your spouse, such as, I choose for a girl and he chooses for a boy. Or, I choose the fn and he chooses the mn.
If so, how did it turn out?
These ideas seem too risky to me since they involve me giving up too much control. lol! Does anyone have any good ideas for choosing a name that is a compromise when you just can't find one name you both love?
Maybe something involving both people making separate lists and then have a system to narrow them down?
I am interested to hear how other people handle this frustrating situation!

Vanessa
EDD 12/8
mom of Kyle 10/17/02

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 2:04am

I have to agree with you... compromising on names with someone who doesn't care that much is very difficult!! I was planning on letting my DH have more control on this one since it was a boy (after 2 girls) but I was just having a hard time finding any boy names that I liked-- especially ones that I didn't think were too popular or overused. So then I changed my mind (I didn't actually tell him he could choose anyway!!) and I found a name I liked and only brought it up when he was in a good relaxed mood (LOL). I decided to set up a compromise that he could decide on the middle name (we use family names). But there were a lot of names I didn't care for in our family (Larry, Virgil, Eugene-- nmsaa). So we found a distant family name that we both liked and used and then at the last minute (and I mean LAST minute) we decided-- well he decided-- to use his fn as DS's second mn (so I guess I felt that was the final compromise). At first DH didn't like the name I liked but it grew on him and he liked the history of it so in the end he didn't feel coerced anyway.

Actually with DD#2, I was finishing up my final college class (a technicality where I had to take Freshman English) so my last paper was a persuasive paper I wrote to my DH to persuade him into agreeing to name I wanted to name our DD (born weeks after class was over). It was really my favorite paper I wrote my entire college career because it was fun and I got to research a topic that actually interested me!! I still have it (somewhere) and it will be fun to show DD when she gets older!

So there are two of my baby naming stories-- I don't know if you can get any useful ideas from them or not (hopefully at least a little entertainment! he he)

And if my DH suggested an awful name he new I wouldn't like I always responded by saying "well, you got to pick the last name, so I get to choose the first!!" He can't argue with that, hee hee.

Good luck in the fun and challenging process of finding the perfect name!!

~Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 8:37am

Each of you make a list. Then hand yourlist to the other and ask that they scratch out names they really don't like, with the rule you have to leave 3 not crossed out. Then you have 6 names both of you can stand. Then bring those 6 back here and post asking people to make combos and/or suggest similar names. Then take that list and do the same thing with each other, taking turns scratching out until there are 3 left. Whittle it down. Take those 3 names into deilvery and pick once the baby is born. It's called compromise.

Oh, and the last bit about taking the final 3 into delivery gives you an advantage. Once he's seen you lying there, either going thru the throes of labor or cut open via c-section, you'll really get to pick in the end! Just do it right there in the actual delivery room, while the reality of what you've been thru is fresh!

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 12:30pm

Vanessa,

I have the same problem. Our boys were easy to name, but when it comes to girls we don't like ANY of the same names. So here's our compromise; I'm making a list of ten names that I really love, and DH gets to pick. Be warned that coming up with a list of 10 that you really love and would be equally happy with is not as easy as it sounds. I have to give him fn/mn, meaning, origin, popularity etc... so that he can be informed and decide how the whole thing sounds. Everyone we know thinks this is crazy, but I really cannot stand anything he likes! Don't know if this helps but good luck!

Katherine

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2006
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 1:40pm

We had this problem for girls names, so I bought a big book of baby names and we each went through it seperately, writing down all the names we would CONSIDER (this is key..if you stick to just names you love you will have a very short list). We then compared lists and highlighted the matches. The matches became our short list (of about 12 names out of thousands in the book!) and we discussed each and looked them up on Baby Name Voyager to see how popular they were (we didn't want a name in the top 50). That worked for us.

I agree with the poster who said that you should wait until he's in a relaxed mood to bring it up. I had to talk my DH into it because it did take some time to go through all those names. I expressed how important it was to me that he have as much particpation in picking the name as I did. I also told him that this was one of the few things about the pregnancy that he could play a big role in and really help me out. That seemed to do the trick.

good luck to you!