Is it ok to do this??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Is it ok to do this??
12
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 9:27am
This past March, my
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 10:52am

Nora is a lovely name, isn't it.


I would call up your friend and ask her how she feels. I would wait, though, to make a decision until you are sure of the gender of the baby. Even if you aren't as in touch as you used to be, it would probably be devastating for her to hear of your Baby Nora out of the blue, without any warning from you.


JMHO! GL!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 10:56am

I think it is OK to use the name since you are not neighbors anymore and actually live in different countries! Nora is an up-and-coming name, so she'll be running into it in different places.

My advice is that you NOT tell her in person or over the phone that you are pregnant. I went through years of trying to get pregnant and miscarrying, and it's just TOO hard to plaster a smile on your face when you hear the news and then hold it together until you get to a a safe place to cry your eyes out. It's not that she's not happy for you. She's mourning the loss of her child. Send her a card if you are still in touch and just mention briefly that you are pregnant and that you've always loved the name Nora because...and that you wanted to let her know. No need to go on and on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 1:04pm

Personally, If I knew that I was still friends with the person in ANY way, I would not be able to use the name that they had used for a baby they lost. That is just my own personal feeling. I have had 2 losses one being in the second trimester & I think If my friend had used the name I had chosen for my baby it would have been extremley painful.
I just could not do it. Maybe once you see the baby you will feel differently and and find another name that fits her better?? I know with my 4th That We did not have a name until after she was born as I just wanted to see what she looked like & what would "fit"

Anyway thats just my 2 cents

~Julie

Proud momma to
Meghan
Melissa
Jordan
Mallory
Makenna
Jarrett
TTC#7

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 1:05pm
It sounds as though you've drifted far enough apart - both physically & socially - that it would be ok to use the name.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 5:07pm
I absolutely love the name Nora- Nora Grace is beautiful. It would be different if you were still neighbours, but I wouldn't let it bother me now that you are living in different countries. You might want to talk to her and let her know, just so you can stop worrying, but I'm sure it won't matter.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-01-2005 - 7:26pm

You are the only one who can make this decision. You have to decide which is more important to you - the feelings of a friend, as well as having a continuing relationship with her versus your love for the name Nora. When you decide which you value more you will have your answer.

BTW - I had years of infertility and a MC, but I have never given birth to a child and then lost it. I think it is impossible for anyone, except someone who has gone through that, to know how much pain this will bring to her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 7:43am

If you really love the name Nora, and you don't even live by this woman anymore, then feel free to use that name! But I guess I would mention it to her. Good luck and congrats!

Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:01am

This is a touchy subject. This was a very recent loss for your friend and discussing it with her will probably be too painful for her. From my experience when I had a miscarriage, my mother was very insensitive to me and my feelings. My friend was admitted to hospital and almost lost her baby but she was further along than I was and her baby never miscarried, but my mom told her to call me and talk to me about it that I could console her since I'd just lost my baby. Don't know how she thought that I could help when my baby miscarried and hers didn't. Now with each pregnancy I go through since then, I always wonder if there was something different I could have done to save it.

I think that by using the name she'll be reminded of her loss and though you don't see each other anymore, you'll probably lose her friendship. And if she ever sees your child she may wonder what her daughter would have looked like, and so on. If you decide to still use the name, ask her honest opinion on it and let her know you don't want to hurt her in any way. Hope it all works out for you. I know it would be hard to have to give up a name you really love.

Julie S.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 10:01am
I want to thank you all for your honest responses.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 11:11am

I don't think you need to ask her beforehand, but you might want to let her know after your baby is born, so she isn't taken by surprise the first time she sees you and your Nora in the grocery store.

If you and DH are Ok with using it, and it won't have any negative connotations for you, I see no problem with it. If your neighbor was a close relative or close friend I would feel differently, but not since she is just an acquaintance.

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