Is it ok to wait until after the baby...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Is it ok to wait until after the baby...
9
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 11:30am

Is it ok to wait until after the baby is born to call the in-laws?



  • Yes
  • No


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 12:28pm

I think it is totally fine and normal not to call the in-laws until after the baby is born. That is what DH and I have done for all three of my deliveries. As a matter of fact, I would not let my Mom call my sister for my 2nd because I knew she would leave work to come to the hospital and I didn't want that. Really no need for people to stand around and wait. Besides, how many people do you want there in the room after the baby is born? You may want some time to rest and take in your baby before getting bombarded with visitors.

Just my thoughts though........

Theresa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:01pm
Thanks a bunch. Those are my exact thoughts. I am expecting boy # 2. My labor with my first son was 18 hrs and my husbands whole family was there waiting in the waiting room (needless to say I wasn't very happy about that). My husband is ok with waiting until after the baby is born to call, he is just concerned that his parents will have their feelings hurt. After what I went through last time with my MIL I could care less. I know that is horrible but she drives me nuts! I don't think it is to much to ask and I keep saying that the "newness is not going to wear off" if they wait to come that is. Thanks again for the support!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:41pm

I think it is totally your decision!! This might be a mixture of baby hormones lately, but I am so bothered that we moms have to be sooo concerned with how everyone else is going to feel that we torture ourselves at these demanding peoples expenses!! Please know that I am not ever like this, (major people pleaser here) but I think I am turning over a new leaf... do what you need to do to be most comfortable-- you're the one in the hospital in pain!! The future will take care of itself. If your MIL is offended, so be it, it sounds like she is going to be at some point no matter what anyway. Besides she is the one who decides how she is going to feel-- not you-- so why waste your time?!?

(Sorry for the vent... can you tell I am dealing with a similar life situation myself?!)

Best of luck with baby and In-Laws!!

~Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 1:52pm
I hear ya! I made it so very clear that with my first born that no one would be in the actual delivery except my hubby. My mom ended up staying (which I wasnt planning for but it ended up being a big help) MIL ran around the hospital spouting off that she was respecting my wishes, etc. Then called me the day we got home from the hospital and told me that she could never like my Mom again. Whatever! Major Drama. That was 3 years ago and I am trying to prevent it from happening again. My mom is totally cool with not being there this time and I think that I can handle it with out her. I want to wait until after the baby is born and just call the inlaws and say hey he is here give us an hour or so to relax. I just know her and if we were to call when I go into labor and say we will call you when he gets here I don't trust that she will stay away. Horrible huh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 2:48pm

With my first, I was kind of at odds with my mom... she was the real dramatic one at the time. But she was in the room with me and DH and I found it to be helpful as well (surprised me). But my in-laws have always been the easy going ones! They just said to let them know when the baby comes and they won't bother us or anything. What a relief!!

This time #3, my mom and I are getting along very well and there is no drama anymore-- phew!! I wouldn't have a problem with her in the room again if it works out.

I am sorry that you don't feel that you can trust your MIL with obeying your wishes, that has got to be stressful. I don't know what I would do in that situation either, I am sure I would just wait until I am ready before they are called. In the middle of labor is not an ideal time in my book to try to mend family relationships!! he he. Too bad she is selfish and can't look beyond her own feelings!! Grr! She was there at the hospital for your first and it didn't work out, so therefore, she isn't going to be there for this one. (Dr Phil says past behavior predicts future behavior, so why torture yourself twice!?!)

~Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 4:04pm
I can really tell my parents how I feel and not worry too much about "hurting their feelings". My in-laws think that they should be apart of everything and cant stand to miss anything. Drives me nuts. Like for instance my SIL lost her first pregnancy and had to go in for a DNC and my in-laws went to the visit and then hung out at her house afterwards? I am sorry but that is such an awful time and I really would think she would have more common sense to not nose in on such a situation. Ahhh sorry for the vent. As you can tell she drives me batty!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 7:31pm

With our first daughter, we actually waited until after she was born to call my own parents! ;)

I knew my mom would rush right out and drive an hour away to the birth center we were at just to sit in the living room, since I wasn't comfortable having her in the room with us. Plus, although my water broke in the afternoon, I didn't have any good contractions until late that night, so my entire labor was overnight and by not calling them until she was born (at 8:20 the next morning!) everyone else got a good night's rest before driving out to see us. We also called my husband's parents after she was born (and they were thrilled to know she was here ... not offended in the least).

We did tell my parents when we headed to the hospital with our second daughter, but since she was bringing our 4-year-old to be there to see her sister born we really had no choice. ;) We still waited until the baby was born (about a half hour later) to call my in-laws, but that was more because everything just went so fast.

HTH

~Kelli


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2006
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 7:46pm
Thanks for the reply. That is actually exactly what I'd like to happen this time. Last time (3 yrs ago) was a nightmare. My water broke at 5 am and DH called them (in-laws) immediately. Our son wasnt born until 11pm that night (18 hrs) A long time to wait and for everyone to get on each others nerves in the waiting room. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Wed, 03-29-2006 - 7:55pm

I can definitely see why you'd want to avoid a repeat of that! ;) Lucky for me, my in-laws live pretty far away (they've only even seen our one-year-old once or twice), so I didn't have to worry about them rushing right over ... of course my own mother was another story LOL.

I actually prefer to keep the birth itself more private -- just my husband, myself and our midwife. But since our daughter (who was 3 1/2 at the time) really wanted to be there to see her sister born, and I really wanted her there as well, I had to come to a sort of compromise with the second. My mom was there to look after her but was not in the actual room when I delivered. It worked out great because I delivered in the jacuzzi in an adjoining room while she stayed in the bedroom area, out of site (but near enough in case our daughter needed her). However, she didn't come alone, as I found out later, and my entire family (father, grandparents, sister and BIL, brother and his fiance) were all in the waiting room just dying to see the baby the minute she came out (and all of them did, about 10 or 15 minutes later ... I'm sure I looked lovely ROFL). Not what I had in mind! Guess I'll have to set some more ground rules this time around. ;)

Hope everything works out for you (and there's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping quiet until the baby's actually made an appearance). :)

~Kelli


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