Keeping family traditions or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Keeping family traditions or not?
15
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:40pm
Ok, so here's a dilemma: in DH's family on his dad's side, every firstborn male has the name Robert either as a first or middle name. It's a family tradition. DH is the eldest son in his family so the pressure's on us to name our baby Robert if it turns out to be a boy. Robert is actually a nice name, so it's not the end of the world, but I always hoped to be able to choose my kids' names myself based on some special meaning to me, as opposed to having it dictated to me by family tradition. I was curious to know whether some of you are in similar situations and what you would do about it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:59pm
Take Robert as middle name and choose the first name as you please.

My nametradtionis only one name one girls and a dubble name one boys, but my boyfriend tradtion is Elisabethas a middlename on girls and any name you like on boys.

So we desided to have my tradtion on a boy and his tradtion on a girl.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:00pm
I say forget tradition! :)

Don't get me wrong ... I'm all for honoring someone you love by using some form of their name, but only if it's your personal choice.

Before we knew our second child was a girl, everyone in our family wanted to know if we'd be naming the baby after my husband, father, etc., but we felt that, unless we really felt strongly about doing so, it would kind of be like cheating our child out of his own name. We preferred to pick a name especially for that child, rather than simply because it was "traditional" to name him after someone in the family. If we could work something in that we happened to love (say, a grandfather's name for the middle name), all the better, but we weren't going to go out of our way just to say "he's named after so-and-so."

So if you like the name and would use it anyway, that's fine. But if you wouldn't use it except for that reason, then I wouldn't do it (although if the family would feel that badly about it, I might compromise by making it the middle name).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:45pm
My kids are older (6 1/2 & 8 1/2). We did a unique fn of our own choosing and a family mn. They really do like that there is a "story" behind their name. Since you are not totally unhappy with Robert, I would honor tradition. But make it the mn and choose a fn you like.

In my dh family for six generations the males have had a son first and given him the mn Metz. My dh told me this on our second or third date! Just so I would know that his son WOULD have mn Metz. Now our son thinks it's the neatest thing in the world, and I'm glad I didn't rob him of the connection, even though my heart was set on something else!

In my family we have a three-generation tradition of naming the first daughter after her maternal grandfather. Again, I chose a fn I loved and went with the family mn.

Hope this helps...I truly understand your predicament. By using the family mn, that was two less names I got to pick! LOL. But in the end, it worked out for the best! Best wishes, Ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 4:58pm

I agree with the poster that suggested using Robert as a mn. Another thought is to either use a variant of Robert (if you like one of them...) like Roberto or Robertino... OR, you could use a completely different name that has the same MEANING as the name Robert. (If you are met with flack, say the name is Robert in a different language).


Best of luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 5:18pm
Thanks, everyone, for your input!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 6:22pm
I would absolutely use it. I am a big proponant of using family names as mns anyway. My DS has my dad's name as his mn and my DD has my MIL's name as her mn. Using Robert ( a great, solid name, it's not like they want you to use Gaylord or Huckleberry) as the mn will tie your son to the rest of the family and make him part of something that has gone on long before he arrived and potentially could continue long after he is gone.

Pick a fn you love, that is uniquely your choice and use Robert as the mn.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 8:58pm
I once knew a Trebor, named for his father robert (look at trebor spelled backwards!) LOL, just a more modern variation

Liza

edd 3-28-05

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 9:49pm
I am a big one for family traditions. The first one in my DH's family to come here from Germany was a Jeremiah in the 1600s. Since that time, every other generation has had a Jeremiah. I actually had "clashing" family traditions. I am Jewish and we only name after dead people. But my FIL was a living Jeremiah (Jere). I had to decide which tradition to follow. I chose a compromise. I used Jeremiah for my DS's MN. I justified it (LOL) by deciding to name him after all of the Jeremiahs in DH's family except for FIL. My DDs are all named for dead relatives.

I grew up knowing that I was named for my mother's brother who had died young. That made me feel very special. My daughters know that they are named for grandmother/great-grandmothers. They both want to know all about the people for whom they are named. It brings a sense of continuity from generation to generation.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:17pm
Well, you have options

1. just giving Robert as the mn so as not to keep you from choosing the first name

2. abandoning Robert all together and starting a new tradition with your family

3. using not Robert per se, but some type of derivative, or even just the same initials

4. realizing that including your child in his paternal family's traditions *is* naming your kid based on a special meaning to you and your family unit

GL!

Julie

mom to Erik Peter 6/22/03

Julie in NC mom to: August Bee Lila Jane 8/22/06 June Bug Erik Peter 6/22/03
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 9:39am
Thanks all for your input!

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