Keeping family traditions or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Keeping family traditions or not?
15
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:40pm
Ok, so here's a dilemma: in DH's family on his dad's side, every firstborn male has the name Robert either as a first or middle name. It's a family tradition. DH is the eldest son in his family so the pressure's on us to name our baby Robert if it turns out to be a boy. Robert is actually a nice name, so it's not the end of the world, but I always hoped to be able to choose my kids' names myself based on some special meaning to me, as opposed to having it dictated to me by family tradition. I was curious to know whether some of you are in similar situations and what you would do about it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 12:15pm
The thing they have to realize is that their son married someone who is not from their family, who may have her own family traditions, or want to start her own, etc. If you like the idea of using Robert as a first or middle name, then fine. But you don't sound very excited over it, so I say nix it. My family tradition is that the first baby's middle name is the mom or dad's first name, depending on gender. The second baby gets one of the father's parents' names as a middle name. The third gets one of the mother's parent's name as a middle name, and so on. I did that for my first, because I wanted my son to be named for his dad. But we had a heck of a time coming up with a first name that we both liked, and ended up agreeing on Johnathan. The problem with that is that John is my FIL's first name. At first it didn't bother me, and I decided that if our second baby was a boy, that we could still give him John as a middle name and with how little middle names are used, no one would no the difference. Well, baby #2 was a boy. And the first name we agreed on was Ethan. Do you know what you get when you switch Ethan John around? That's right, you get Johnethan. So, first we tried to find a different first name that we liked just as well, but we were stuck on Ethan. So, I decided it was time to nix tradition. I was going to try to still name Ethan for his grandpa, by using my FIL's middle name. Then I realized that Ethan Allen is a prestigious furniture company, and I just couldn't do it, lol. So, finally, I broke the mold altogether and desided that I would really love to name a baby after myself, and gave him the masculine version of my name, James. We are planning on having 5 children. By my family's tradition, #4 should be named after my dh's paternal grandfather/grandmother, and #5 should be named for my paternal grandfather/grandmother. But I'm not sure I want to do that. We are closer to our maternal grandparents, and I don't know about my dh, but I would rather my child be named after the grandparent I felt closest to. But that's a bridge we will cross when we get there. We are only just in the thinking stages for #3 and aren't even planning on trying until August '05 anyway.


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 10:25pm
I also like the idea of using family names. If you like the name Robert I would use it as a mn at the very least. I think it is a nice, strong name and as a mn it wont get all the nns associated-Bobby, Bob, Rob, etc.

I think family names help strengthen bonds within the family. Kids like sharing their name with dad, uncles, cousins, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 12:17pm
I went through the same thing with my first son. He would have been the third if I had choose to name him after his father and grandfather. The name is horrible. Winston Gearld West. There is no way I would do that to a baby. I fought with the family but I refused to back down. So Brent Douglas West was my first born.

If you choose to name him Robert you can always do it and call him something else. I have a friend who had a son and he is Charles Andrew Higgins the 5th so we call him Quinn for five.

It is a thought. But follow your heart and don't regret your decission.

This is your baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 2:41pm
If you feel you *should* use the name, you could always do what my family has done.

All first-born sons on my dad's side of the family are named John (first or middle name); however none of them go by that name.

My Great-Grandfather's name is John Fitzgerald and always went by Fitz

My Grandfather's Name is Beecham John and always went by Jack

My dad's name is John Joseph and goes by Joe

My brother's name is John William and actually he *is* the only one that goes by John

My sister named her first-born son - Ian (an irish variation of John) Timothy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 2:36pm
I love family names and traditions, it's so neat to be able to say "I'm named after.... "
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