Knowing the Sex...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Knowing the Sex...
15
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 12:53pm
I wanted to know your thoughts on finding out the sex of the baby before or after birth. In a way I would like to find out so I can plan the baby's room according to sex and people will know what to get for the baby shower. Then again I would also like to wait until the baby is born to find out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:03pm
With my first, I absolutely wanted to know. With my second, I was like you, kind of and kind of not. We did find out, finally, both to decorate the nursery, plan for clothing (we still had some of my first son's so wouldn't need as much if it was another boy), and because we couldn't stand the thought that the people in the dr.'s office would know and we wouldn't. I'll find out if I can with our third for the same reasons.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:18pm
We did not find out for any of our three children. Our philospohy was there are so few true surprises in life why "ruin" one of them. I loved calling our parents, siblings and friends with the "It's a .......!" when they arrived. Especially for my third because I had two boys and was hoping for a girl and was thrilled when Annie arrived.

As far as decorating and clothes, we used the same nursery for all three children so we would have done it neutrally even if we knew the sex (because we wouldn't have any way of know subsequent children). I didn't get many clothes at showers because of not knowing the sex but those I got were greens and yellows and were able to be used with all my children. We got a ton of appropriate clothing AFTER they were born. And my babies spent the first couple of weeks in sleepers anyways so that really didn't matter! As far as bonding goes, I had no trouble bonding with the child in my womb, I didn't need to know it's sex to do that.

With my third, I had to have an amnio because of some issues the doctor was concerned with. My dh and I decided if the test results were bad we would find out the sex of the baby. That way we would come away from a bad experience with some good news. Luckily the results were good so we didn't find out the sex until her birth day. I loved having the doctor announce, after a very painful but fast, labor,--"IT"S A GIRL!!!".

Everyone is different though. Do what is right for you and your family. Best of luck.

Mary

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Avatar for majl66
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 1:34pm

I didn't find out with my first, because we wanted the surprise.

Monya, mom of Garrett and Olivia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:00pm
I always thought I would want to know in advance, since I'm SUCH a planner (obviously, since I'm here on the baby naming board and we have just started ttc). But my close friend had a baby in May and chose to be surprised and going through the pregnancy with her has changed my mind. Even though she wasn't able to purchase all the clothing/bedding in advance and went to the hospital with a boy and girl names, the anticipation was so much fun! When she called us from the hospital after the birth, the first thing we wanted to know was gender. It just made a very exciting event even more exciting. Since her daughter sleeps in a basinette right now anyway, it was no problem to go out and pick up a crib bedding set a few weeks after the birth. And every single visitor has brought her girlie clothing, which has balanced out the abundance of yellow, green, and periwinkle blue that she bought before she knew the gender.

We're going to be surprised!

Avatar for tgdye
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:17pm
IMO, that announcement at birth is one of life's best moments. There's just nothing like it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:38pm
I've done it both ways. With my first I had a US at 20 weeks and really wanted to know. But she had her legs crossed during it and we didn't find out she was a girl until she was born. We had an amnio with the second one and both of us wanted to know her sex. We were actually able to tell from teh US that we had at that time. With the third, after two girls I was absolutely, without any doubt in my mind positive that I was having another girl. I was totally surprised that I was pg with a boy. Believe me, the surprise couldn't have been greater if I had found out after he was born. Surprise is surprise, regardless of if it's at week 16 or week 40.

Even if I knew the sex of my first one I would have decorated the nursery gender neutral and bought gender neutral clothes. We wanted more children and I wanted things that would last through several babies - regardless of the sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 2:43pm
I always said that I would always find out beforehand. That way I could call the baby by its name, know what clothes to buy, etc. I did that with my son and it's true what the PPs say. All I got was clothes! Appreciated, of course, but I really needed the more necessary items.

Since I've got the next baby's names picked out I've decided not to find out next time. I think it'll be fun to hear the doctor say "It's a ---" you know? So I'll just tell everyone, we're not finding out the sex but if it's a girl... and if it's a boy...

The hardest part will be DH! He's an expert at finding extra parts on the sonogram! lol Is it ok to ask the technician to avoid that part of the baby while doing the ultrasound?

Whether you find out or not, you'll never be so happy as you will be when they put that baby in your hands :)

Good Luck!!

~ Liz,

step"mom" to Christopher 8/14/99

mom to Nicholas 10/21/03



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 3:03pm

To me there are just too many suprises in life, so when given the opportunity, Dh and I wanted to know the sex.

Lilypie Baby Birthday
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 3:03pm
I did not find out with my son and glad that I didn't. I will never forget when he was born and the Dr said "It's A Boy!" and the look on DH face when he saw him arrive. My best friend is due in a few weeks and always thought she would find out but changed her mind experiencing the surprise with me. It was harder than I thought because I had 3 sonograms. Good Luck

Melissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Wed, 06-16-2004 - 5:19pm
My opinion is that a baby is the most amazing "gift" that you will ever be given to you. Why would you want to peek at the contents before you un-wrap it.

My opinion on the whole decoration/gifts is that your baby will just be ok with any color and they need specific things and non of them have to be color coordinated. I personally refuse to own anything pink or blue when we have our child. I just don't like the idea of how commercial baby products have gotten and making sure your little girl isn't in blue or vice versa is VERY low on my priority list. Do what feels natural...you are the one who has to live with it.

I also have an opinion on knowing the sex of the baby prior from a very great class I took in college called "Gendered Communication". It speaks about how we as a society "gender stereotype" our children by buying trucks for boys to play with and dolls for the girls without them choosing these things... they are taught their expected roles in society. Could be considered controversial but there is this very compelling fact...

When equal sized babies (weight and length/measurements) are described by parents the girl is described as: delicate, fragile, sweet, tiny, percious etc. and when parents describe the exact same sized boy: strong, healthy, big, hearty.... etc. So our impressions are sorta off a bit. It also can translate to your baby in-utero and my opinion is that I would want my baby to form their personality on their own without me molding too much of it. Besides I also like the thought of how difficult it is for people to talk to your baby if they don't know the sex...My professor said don't tell anyone the sex of your baby...see how difficult it is for them to just talk to/hold "the baby" and how desperate they are to use gender specific descriptors to talk to your baby. The best part is that everyone will be lining up to change the baby diapers...so that is a bonus!

But it is a very personal choice, right in line with how you plan to raise them. If you are bent to having the name and the nursery and gifts all be gender specific then by all means do it. I think that what ever you choose will be right for you.

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