Legally, who ultimately gets to choose?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Legally, who ultimately gets to choose?
13
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 1:32am

Another spat with the father of the baby... he refuses to accept the names I've chosen. We are not married, of course, and he's a hateful, abusive man. I'm planning to seek a victim's advocate because of his stalking behavior, and hope that I'll never have to see him again. If he gets visitation/custody, I'd like to do it through a third party.

Since I'm going through this pregnancy alone, and will likely be raising the child alone, I want to give it MY surname. Additionally, I've chosen the name Ralph (pronounced rayfe) and Haley as first names. He sent me a message saying he will refuse to acknowledge any name but his own (first, middle, and last), followed by Jr.... and whatever I name it, he says he's going to tell the child that's his real name, and convince him to change it. This man is 45, can you believe it?

I realize it's his child too, but it's my body that bears the burden of pregnancy. Since I'll be the one to raise the kid, it seems only fair I should get to name it. And since I now hate and despise the father for everything he's done to me, I don't want the child to have his name!

Are there any laws regarding this situation? He can't change the child's name on the birth certificate, can he? I will not be putting his name on the birth certificate at the hospital since he refuses to sign an acknowledgement of paternity.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2004
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 4:45pm

I am not sure what state you reside in but in North Carolina--you can name your child with any name you want--including last name.The lady who did the certificate told me I could name my child "john smith"--my choice!!I found out this first hand with a situation of my own and my best friend had

Crystal Mom to Jacob,Sydney,Jordan,Madison,Joshua and his stillborn ^i^ twin sister,Brynna
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 4:55pm

I agree with everyone else here: you ought to be able to choose, especially since he won't acknowledge his paternity; get an attorney; RIGHT NOW call the police and get a restraining order and do everything you can to protect yourself and your family from that worthless dog, etc. Since he's so abusive, he won't acknowledge your rights, so you'll need legal help to get him out of your life.

You're going through such a hard time right now, and I hurt for you. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Amber

Amber

wife to Danel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:46pm

I don't know much about legalities...but I don't think the father gets any rights if he doesn't accept paternity and isn't on the birth certificate....

Nevertheless....
I think if you use the name Ralph...he will be called RALF not RAFE....
I would never think to pronounce it Rayfe....

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