my last name/his last name

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
my last name/his last name
13
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 8:58am
ok, my issue is this...when my husband and i married i made the choice to keep my last name, as i felt it was my name for a reason and i was proud of it. We are now expecting our first baby and i know that there will be an issue with our new son or daughters last name. Not that i think it should have mine and mine only but if we're going to be using both, how do we decide if it will be mine(eckersley)-his (tibbo)or the other way around Tibbo-Eckersley or Eckersley-Tibbo any input????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 9:30am
Usually it would be yours first. Because if you had added his to yours, then it would have been hyphenated that way. Of course, you can do whatever you want, but that is the conventional way.
gavin.gif mini pooper from tara picture by caulyne
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 10:23am
I have to agree w/pp.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 5:06pm
Conventionally, you would put your name first, then his. Alternatively, you could combine both your last names.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 7:47pm
This was an issue for my husband and me, too, but we ended up resolving it with a deal that wouldn't work for everyone but works great for us. I let him choose the baby's last name (4 choices: his alone, mine alone, mine-hyphen-his, or his-hyphen-mine), and in return, I get to pick the first name, anything I want. (The middle name will be the baby's Chinese name, so that's already decided.) Just an idea...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 11:29pm

I have several friends in the same situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 2:11am
my kids have many friends who share the same last name with their father & mother has her given name. It is pretty common & we are in a very middle class mid-western area. I'd say if it is really important to you to use your ln, then use it as a middle name. I hyphenated when I got married & really regret it. It's a pain in the butt on paper work- buying a house ect. Leagal I'm still D-X, but socially with small kids it is just easier being Mrs X(or more often "Ella's mom) & not Mrs D-X.
HTH Andi

Andi


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 10:35am

I'm in the same situation. We've decided to put my last name as a mn. Mostly because my Indian last name is really long. As a teacher in elementary school, I have found that hyphenated last names often get mixed up. Teachers rarely use the whole hyphenated name. The children often end up choosing one name over the other, or teachers only use one of the last names, usually the second name. As much as I want my child to have my last name as their last name, part of my reason for keeping my name was my connection to my father and my heritage. So, if I have my father's last name, my child should have his/her father's last name. Corny, I know! I think I'll be OK with the mn thing in the end. I guess as a teacher, I can see how hyphenated names get ruined once they start school and I don't want my child to go through that.

I know that isn't really the answer you want to hear, but it is certainly something to consider.



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 1:11pm
Thank you, actually it's a little odd but your answer is the one i can relate to most so far, simply for the reason that i kept my last name as a connection to my father as well. It was very important to him that our name carry on. i know that being a woman we are most often expected to change our last names and therefore it would not be us but the men in the family who carried on the name. I suppose i thought i could change that. I think it would be safe to say that most children will feel that connection to their father and want to do what i did, that being keeping my father's last name. I do have a brother, hopefully he will get married and have children one day and carry on my father's wish. I do however feel, that women are getting a little jipped it that situation. Still leaves me thinking i guess..... thanks for the input though. it's much appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2006
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 1:52pm

Just a thought on thinking girls are getting "jipped" -- I disagree, but aside from that, your reasoning doesn't play out =. You said, "I know that being a woman we are most often expected to change our last names and therefore it would not be us but the men in the family who carried on the name. I suppose I thought I could change that," but then you also said, "I think it would be safe to say that most children will feel that connection to their father and want to do what I did, that being keeping my father's last name."

This doesn't make sense to me. What am I missing? Why didn't you want to use your *mother's* name? Why is she being "jipped"? (I'm not arguing with you!!! Just pointing out that you want your child to carry on its mother's name -- yours -- while at the same time saying you kept your name because it was your *father's* name). So just giving the child its father's name sounds like what you want to do; well, at least it's what you did.


Darla
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 6:29pm

I also kept my last name when I got married. But I have decided to give our son his father's last name for two reasons:

1. I figure I get to bond and carry this child for 9 months. I am able to feel him kick every day and am closer to him than my husband ever will be. So, he gets to give our son a name. I get to give our son a life.

2. My thought is, if my son wants to hyphenate his name, it's his choice. When he gets married maybe he'll want to hyphenate his wife's name. If he already had my last name-hyphen-my husband's last name, it would look ridiculous with another hyphenated name.

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