My sister used the name I wanted....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
My sister used the name I wanted....
14
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 11:48am

I have two sisters, and like most sisters when we were younger, put claims on our favorite names.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 12:18pm

Name claiming is such a difficult issue. It's strange that she acknowledged you planned to use the name 3 years ago, but can't remember any of this now. I would be hurt, too. Your feelings are understandable.

It's important to keep this in perspective, however. I really feel like names are on a first come/first served basis most of the time. It's one thing if she uses the name when you are 38 weeks pg, know you're having a girl, have announced that her name is Teegan Elizabeth, and have a nursery full of blankets with Teegan embroidered on them. (I also consider it theft if your husband is Thomas Paul III and has always intended to use Thomas Paul IV for a boy...only to have his sister snatch the name Thomas away from him.) Most names are hypothetical in nature, though. For example, you may only have sons. If that's the case, you might grow to love the fact that there's a Teegan in your family, even if it's just your niece. It could also be said that Teegan Elizabeth is named in your honor. There's so much of you invested in her name, I bet she'll feel a special connection to you as she grows up.

As far as the future goes, if your sister is not going to be restricted by old name claims, you shouldn't be either. I would put aside all claims and name your kids what you want. If you like Duncan (wonderful name, btw!) and you have a son first, use it...regardless of what your sister says. If you've always planned to use Elizabeth, go for it. There's nothing wrong or confusing with cousins sharing a mn, or even first name on one/middle name on another, especially if the name has a special family meaning.

It's not wrong for you to be upset. It sounds like you were open about how much you love the name and how serious you were about it. I do think your sister could have made a different choice, but if I were you I would try to forgive and forget and just enjoy your new niece.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2006
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 12:45pm
Eliza, this must be really frustrating! You have probably heard this from others, but I think your best defense is to stop sharing the names you love with your sister. If you think she'll find out from other family members, you may have to be tight-lipped with them as well. I had a friend in the same situation with 4 sisters, and this is finally what she had to do to ensure she could give her babies the names she wanted without fear of someone "stealing" them. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 1:17pm

It definitely is upsetting, and although it won't be much comfort at the moment, it may be for the best.

I agree that names of future children -- unless based on strong familiar ties, such as planning to name your first dd for your beloved grandmother or something along those lines -- are purely hypothetical. You can insist you will use a certain name for years, before even becoming pregnant, only to find you don't love the name quite as much once you actually have a child. You might even embrace a name right up until delivery and then decide it just doesn't fit. Or the name you've loved for a decade may suddenly become too popular for comfort, or have a bad association that wasn't there before, or you may simply come across "the" name that seems so much more perfect, and therefore abandon the old one. There are so many "ifs" when it comes to hypothetical names, I wouldn't worry too much that this one is now off limits.

This may be your sister's line of thinking here, because assuming she does remember wanting to use Teegen for her first and you telling her it was "yours," she probably feels like she's loved the name just as long, and it's not fair for you to keep claiming it. It'd be different if you were currently expecting a little girl and planned to actually use the name, but since you're not, and there's no guarantee you ever will be (you may, after all, end up with all boys), she decided to go ahead and use it. A controversial move, sure. I wouldn't have done it myself, but then I probably wouldn't WANT to steal most of the names my baby sister likes anyway. But she's your sister (and little Teegen is now your niece), so you will get past it.

My own sister has kind of done the same thing, suddenly saying she was going to use two of the boy names we'd liked while pregnant with two of our daughters (first saying she was going to use the name we'd liked with our first dd, then changing her mind and liking the one we'd liked when pregnant with our second LOL). To be honest, while it bothered me that she couldn't seem to find names she liked on her own, I felt perfectly happy knowing I might end up with a nephew who's name I actually liked. It was getting a bit too popular for me anyway (obviously LOL), so at least someone close to me wouldn't mind using it.

FWIW, I think Duncan and Aerowen are better anyway (keep telling yourself this!). If you end up with a little boy before your sister does, Duncan's yours, so remind her of that. LOL And I wouldn't be sharing any other names with your sister ... she steals. ;)

~Kelli


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 2:49pm

Be the bigger person. Names are important; so are sisters. Show that you value your relationship with your sister more than she does by being proud to have a niece named Teegen, a name you love. Heck, as far as I'm concerned, in addition, she's named AFTER you!!!


Take this "name stealing" as your sign that there is a better name out there for you. And though it's fun and natural to share things with sisters, yours isn't particularly honorable on the naming issues, so I'd keep my names to myself until your future babes are born.


I'm sorry for your sake; this is my biggest pet peeve! It's tacky, frustrating, and tasteless. It happens every day, esp. in families. Oh well; what can you do? I know! Spend your time and anger on something positive- like finding a phenomenal new name! There are some great ones out there!


Best wishes,

Ginger

Ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 2:55pm

Well... I agree, stop telling her your names.

On the flip side, I claimed the names Kiersten and Alyssa. When my cousin was pregnant with triplets, I sent word through my mom to remind them (I lived out of state) that those names were mine. I was so over-protective of those names. She named the triplets (who are now lik 3rd grade) Oliva, Madison, and Jacob.

Well I finally have a girl and I didn't even use either name! I guess I outgrew them. Who's to say you will every have a girl to use the name or if you will even like the name there. I agree with the previous poster, if you were already expecting and have announced the baby's name, that is different.

My best friend's step-sister stole her baby name. It was Alexis (now 9). She had already announced the name as her's. Well the step-sister had her baby early (about a month prior to my friend's baby being born) and out of nowhere named her Alexis. This made my friend very mad, but she went ahead and named her DD Alexis as planned. Now these two girls are growing up together both being named Alexis and both related and same age. The step-sister with with Alexis Olivia I think, and my friens is Alexis Marie. Mostly everyone calls the step-sister's Lexi nowadays so that helps with confusion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 2:59pm

Funny... I forgot about these situations.

1. My son is named after bio-dad who's middle name is Lee. We call DS Lee. Bio-dad's sister had her first boy and named him William Lee and calls him Lee. That was so confusing when I lived in the same town. About 4 years age difference. William was after her boyfriend, and Lee she just picked I guess?

2. My son is Agustin nn Trey (he's a third). My neighbor across the street was going to name her son Agustin after her dad (DH and neighbor are both from San Antonio, so a popular name ther I guess). So we were going to have 2 Agustin's right accross the street from each other. Well ended up she named her child a third also after he DH and decided to call him Trey as well. So now we have two Trey's right accross the street 2 years apart. She was spelling her's Trae but one day asked me how I spelled ours and when I told her Trey, she like... oh that's how it's suppose to be spelled, and changed the spelling of her son's (just a nickname, not legal).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 6:15pm
My advice is don't tell anyone the names you like until the baby is born. That is the only way to "keep" the names you want. No offense to you or your sisters but they seem kinda rude and disrespectful for "stealing" your names.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Mon, 10-02-2006 - 7:17pm
geez, that's pretty mean of her. There's nothing you can really do about it now though so if I were you I would just think up a new, beautiful name and don't tell her what it is!! If you really want your childs name to be duncan you could just tell her thats what you're naming him regardless and that you don't care if they have the same name. I bet she's change her mind!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 10:40am

I come from a large family, my sisters and sister-in-laws argued over the same name. I think in almost every case one had a girl the other a boy so the arguing was for nothing. This is back in the day when you didn't know what you were having till birthday.

I guess I never told what I was going to name my babies. I had my first two same time as my sister (we are 3 year apart) but fortunalely we didn't have the same taste in names. She uses Christine Renae and Andrew Alan. I used Matthew Lawrence and Heather Danette. We also had: first girl/boy and second boy/girl.

I think if someone knows you really like a name maybe they should ask. But I think the other names you have chosen are great names.

Good luck.

Gammy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2006
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:55am
That was a really crappy thing for her to do! I would be so mad if someone did that to me. But o well i geuss its to late. Do u like the name Deagan, or Teren? They're similar.

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